"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Thursday, December 25, 2008

You may be right, I may be crazy, but it just may be a LOONEYCHICK your lookin for…

Repost from 6/7/04

A thought that sometimes makes me hazy: Am I - or are the others crazy? -Albert Einstein “Crazy, Im crazy for feelin so lonely….”, “Im goin off the rails on a crazy train…” These are some of my favorite lyrics to songs that touch a nerve in my head. I have always felt, different, or crazy. Sometimes my mind just races too damn fast. Ooops, did I take my meds today? Just pop another pill, smoke another cigarette, drink another glass of wine, smoke another toke…. And Im fine for the day. “your one crazy ass chick” I sometimes here, or “girl you so crazy”. But I really believe there is a fine line between insanity and genius. It seems like so many of us creative artist types also battle depression or other emotional demons. I have met some people diagnosed with schizophrenia or bipolar, and its funny how these people are also very brilliant. Great poets, writers, thinkers, their minds just spin so fast, as if on speed. I am clinically depressed at times, Im borderline ADD, and a bit dyslexic. Sometimes my mind races soooooo damn fast, but then at these times I am able to create, write poetry, read, etc. Other times, Im heavy, tired, and so overwhelmed that all I want to do is sleep all day.

I wonder what the connection is between genius and insanity?

I looked up the definition for crazy and found this.

From your dictionary.net
The noun "crazy" has 1 senses.
1. crazy, loony, looney, weirdo -- someone deranged and possibly dangerous

The adjective "crazy" has 6 senses.
1. brainsick, crazy, demented, distracted, disturbed, mad, sick, unbalanced, unhinged -- affected with madness or insanity; "a man who had gone mad2. crazy, half-baked, screwball, softheaded, meshuga, meshugge -- (informal) foolish; totally unsound; "an impractical solution"; "a crazy scheme"; "half-baked ideas"; "a screwball proposal without a prayer of working"
3. crazy, dotty, gaga, enamored, infatuated, in love, smitten, soft on, taken with -- marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness; "she was crazy about him"; "gaga over the rock group's new album"; "he was infatuated with her"

4. crazy -- (informal) possessed by inordinate excitement; "the crowd went crazy"; "was crazy to try his new bicycle"
5. crazy -- bizarre or fantastic; "had a crazy dream"; "wore a crazy hat"
6. crazy -- (informal) intensely enthusiastic about or preoccupied with; "crazy about cars and racing"

-I really like the “someone deranged and possibly dangerous” bit. Yes, that definitely describes me. LOL

I looked up genius and found this

The noun "genius" has 5 senses.
1. genius, mastermind, brain -- someone who has exceptional intellectual ability and originality
2. brilliance, genius -- unusual mental ability
3. ace, adept, sensation, maven, virtuoso, genius, hotshot, star, whiz, whizz, wizard, wiz -- someone who is dazzlingly skilled in any field
4. genius, wizardry -- exceptional creative ability
5. flair, genius -- a natural talent; "he has a flair for mathematics"; "he has a genius for interior decorating"

I found a book that discusses this on Amazon. Its editorial read:

What is the connection between genius and madness? IBM-based polymath Clifford Pickover approaches the question in a characteristically eclectic way. First he looks at the lives of a collection of eccentric scientists, from Nikolai Tesla to the Unabomber, giving each a name ("The Fly Man from Galway"; "The Rat Man from London") deliberately reminiscent of Sigmund Freud's names for his cases. Then Pickover discusses obsessive-compulsive disorder and the relationship between brain structure and genius

----Hmmmm, maybe Im not crazy, maybe Im just a genius. Or maybe Im just one wild-ass crazy chick. Who knows. It seems however, that a lot of our most influential contributors to society have been deemed crazy. I searched the web and found a quiz to see if your one crazy ass artist.

Do you struggle with understanding why everyone else just doesn't "get it?"
Are you an emotionally intense person?
Do you see yourself as an artist, an intellectual, a creative, an intuitive?
Do you live in another world than most people on the planet?
Do you have unique abilities?
Have you been diagnosed with clinical depression, manic depression, ADHD, or some other mental illness and traditional treatments do not seem to address the problems?
Do you feel like no one understands you?
Have you tested extremely high (98 percentile or above) on traditional and/or multidimensional IQ/EQ tests?
Does your life seem to be ruled by the creativity and emotion that is so prevalent within you?
Do you have a rich and exciting inner life that you have found difficult to share with others?
Do you have an insatiable 'need to know' that no one understands?

Creative Genius

Let me answer some of these questions here.
Do you struggle with understanding why everyone else just doesn't "get it?" --Yes everyday. What is wrong with YOU people!

Are you an emotionally intense person? --I think others would say so. I definitely like to make a statement and get out my opinions.

Do you see yourself as an artist, an intellectual, a creative, an intuitive? --I definitely consider myself the tragic artist/writer/poet

Do you live in another world than most people on the planet?-Yes I live on Tatooine “Never a more hive of scum and villainy”

Do you have unique abilities?--Im a little psychic… or just psycho lol

Have you been diagnosed with clinical depression, manic depression, ADHD, or some other mental illness and traditional treatments do not seem to address the problems?--Gee thanks for reminding me. But my meds do seem to be working, today.

Do you feel like no one understands you?--No one does understand me!

Have you tested extremely high (98 percentile or above) on traditional and/or multidimensional IQ/EQ tests?
--Yes and graduated top 3% of UC Berkeley class 1996

Does your life seem to be ruled by the creativity and emotion that is so prevalent within you?
---Yes and by PASSION too

Do you have a rich and exciting inner life that you have found difficult to share with others?--I don’t know about this. I don’t here voices (anymore)

Do you have an insatiable 'need to know' that no one understands? -No just an insatiable need for sex…. LOL

Well I guess I pass this crazy test. Here is more information on famous “crazies” like myself. It seems a lot of people I am influenced by were considered crazy too.
Sylvia Plath (author eventually committed suicide)
Winston Churchill and his 'black dog' of depression
Van Gogh (most famous 'schizophrenic')
Paul Merton (comedian who had breakdown just as getting famous. Seeing self on tv fuelled paranoia)
John Cleese(self confessed manic)
Ernest Hemmingway (reckons ECT stole his writing gift)
Joan of Arc (burned to death for hearing voices)
Alistair Campbell (Blair's right hand man. Blames breakdown on the booze)

And the list goes on…..

Our greatest blessings come to us by way of madness..

Many persons become poets, prophets, and sibyls, and, like Marcus the Syracusan, are pretty good poets while they are maniacal; but when cured can no longer write verse.

Here is another link regarding crazy ass genius’s. This site lists Edgar Allen Poe, Socrates, and Leonardo DaVinci as being crazy.
crazy ass genius's

Famous Crazy Folks

We’re in Good Company: almost 300 names of well known people who have a psychiatric diagnosis of mental illness. Almost no one was "Glad" to be their friend until they became famous.
Ludwig van Beethoven, composer
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821), general
Charles Darwin
Mozart, composer
Marilyn Monroe, actress
Anne Sexton, poet, 20th century
James Taylor, singer popular 1990
Walt Whitman, poet

Are we CRAZY or is everyone else just ASLEEP?! This is my question of the day.

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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

“Lobotomy Gets Them Home” -Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle

Repost from 6/21/2004

"I must relate the horrors as I recall them, in the hope that some force for mankind might be moved to relieve forever the unfortunate creatures who are still imprisoned in the back wards of decaying institutions". – Frances Farmer on her past experience as a mental patient

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds" –Albert Einstein

Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle - Nirvana
It's so relieving
To know that you're leaving as soon as you get paid
It's so relaxing
To hear that you're asking wherever you get your way
It's so soothing
To know that you'll sue me, this is starting to sound the same

I miss the comfort in being sad (x3)

In her false witness, we hope you're still with us,
To see if they float or drown
Our favorite patient, a display of patience,
Disease-covered Puget Sound
She'll come back as fire, to burn all the liars,
And leave a blanket of ash on the ground

I miss the comfort in being sad (x3)

Im crazy give me a lobotomy!
Frances Farmer, Hollywood Starlet, lobotomized like Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Coo coos Nest. Why? She was loud, she smoked, she drank, she talked back, she was headstrong, mouthy. She did not fit into the 50’s mold of womanhood.

Those damn crazy fuckers...
People who are different are often chastised, harassed, and sometimes killed, for not fitting societies mold. Near my redneck hometown, is the town of Steilacoom. Here is the infamous hospital that imprisoned Frances Farmer for much of her life. Within the walls of this sanitarium, Farmers creative spirit died, forever silencing a great mind.

Free to live?
I worry sometimes about what happens to “freaks” and “crazies” in society. My last post describes 3 teenagers wrongfully convicted of murder based on the “evidence” that they wore black clothes, read Stephan King, and listened to Metallica. Often times, society perceives someone as crazy for creativity, brilliance and nonconformism.

Im melting.... Im melting....
If I lived 200 years ago, would I have been burned at the stake for being a witch? If I lived in the 1950’s would I have been institutionalized and given a lobotomy? The answer is probably yes to both.

Western State Sanitarium
The ruins of Old Western State Sanitarium are about a 40-minute drive from my hometown. Here Francis Farmer was among thousands of “deviants” institutionalized and possibly lobotomized. Deviants were manic-depressives, gays and lesbians, outspoken nonconformists, recovering war veterans, and others.
Old Western State sits in ruins, with the boiler room remaining intact. According to folklore, it is haunted by many of the former residents.

Frances Farmer (info stolen from web)
Born in Seattle, Frances Farmer studied drama at the University of Washington, Seattle. In 1936, she went to Hollywood where she secured a seven-year contract with Paramount. In 1942, she was wrongfully declared 'mentally incompetent' and committed to a series of asylums and public mental hospitals, where eventually she received a lobotomy. After eleven years she was released, and spent some of the remaining years of her life tending the parents who had committed her and taking odd jobs. She appeared on "This Is Your Life" (1952), and ran her own TV show, "Frances Farmer Presents" (1958) for six years. She died of cancer in 1970.

Lobotomy -- This was par for the course for any “undesirable”, a way to control someone who would not be controlled, a way to cure “mental illness”. As gruesome and barbaric as this may seem to us now, hundreds of thousands would be lobotomized between 1935-1960. Dr Walter Freeman is known as the pioneer of lobotomy, he performed over 3,000, some in a mass assembly line butcher.

Description of Lobotomy (from web)
The procedure involved first knocking the patient unconscious with two or three jolts of electricity from an electroshock therapy machine. After the convulsions subsided and the patient lay insensate, Walter Freeman lifted the patient's eyelid and inserted an ice pick-like instrument called a leucotome through a tear duct. A few taps with a surgical hammer breached the bone. Freeman took a position behind the patient's head, pushed the leucotome about an inch and a half into the frontal lobe of the patient's brain, and moved the sharp tip back and forth. Then he repeated the process with the other eye socket.

The King of Lobotomy meets a Holywood Starlet
In the late 1940s at Western State Hospital in Steilacoom, Wash., Freemen met the movie actress Frances Farmer, according to Farmer's biographer William Arnold.

Farmer had been a patient there for five years, the victim of her family's intolerance of her unconventional and wild behavior. Whether Freeman lobotomized her remains unclear, though Arnold says he did. Farmer's relatives and Western State's staff psychiatrist at the time said it never happened, but Frank Freeman says his father verified Farmer's operation and identified her as the patient shown in the world's most famous lobotomy photograph, an oft-reproduced shot showing Freeman using his hairy and muscular arms to hammer the leucotome into a woman's eye at Western State as a crowd watched. Filmed interviews of Farmer made after her discharge from the hospital show a detached and flatly demeanored (though clearly intelligent) woman, an outcome consistent with lobotomy

Frances meets Freeman

Dr. Freeman

Western State Hospital
By any measure, Western State Hospital in the 1940s was a dismal place. More than 2,700 patients -- 500 more than the official capacity -- were crammed into its antiquated wards. Many patients were housed in decrepit, turn-of-the-century buildings, similar to one that had been destroyed by fire (killing two patients) in 1947. After the fire, a makeshift ward had been established in an unheated breezeway originally used as an exercise court. The area had been enclosed with canvas, but it provided little protection against wind, rain, and cold. The P-I found that it was still being used as a ward two years later.
Because of staff shortages, patients were being put to bed around 4 p.m. and kept there 12 hours. Inadequate salaries and poor living quarters complicated the problem of getting efficient help. Live-in ward attendants were housed in a basement with sagging floors and crumbling cement walls. Dr. William N. Keller, hospital superintendent, said the hospital needed about $8 million to improve the facilities and expand the staff, a figure far greater than what the Legislature was willing to provide. “People seem to be more interested in how cheaply they can take care of their mentally ill rather than how well,” he commented (P-I, 1949).

“Lobotomy Gets Them Home”
Given these conditions, hospital administrators were naturally interested in a new kind of surgery that promised to help psychologically disabled people leave the institution and return to useful lives: transorbital lobotomy. The procedure involved the insertion of a thin, icepick-like instrument called a leucotome under a patient’s eyelid and into the frontal lobes of the brain, where it was used to sever nerves thought to cause severe emotional disturbances. It was developed by Dr. Walter G. Freeman, a prominent Washington, D.C., neurologist and psychiatrist, whose motto was “lobotomy gets them home.”
Freeman demonstrated his technique at Western State Hospital on August 19, 1947, operating on 13 patients. At one point, a photographer snapped his picture, producing what has become the world’s most famous lobotomy photograph. The often-reproduced image shows Freeman wielding his leucotome on a comatose woman. Before his death in 1972, Freeman reportedly told his son Frank that the woman in the photograph was Frances Farmer.
said she had heard women on her ward “pleading” for lobotomies, because “They had been told the operation would sever the little nerve that controls one’s sense of grief” (Indianapolis Star). But she reportedly told Kibbee and other friends that she did not have the operation

Western State Hospital and ghosts

Old Western State Sanitarium, Tacoma/Lakewood.

Tacoma - Lakewood - The Old Western State Sanitarium -Feelings of being watched, panic and sadness. On some rainy foggy night when the Moon is full, You can hear moans and footsteps in the late to early morning hours. Believed to be patients that once were institutionalized there. That place is in ruins now but there remains and boiler room underground that is where most the sounds are heard. The fence around also shakes when no one else is with you.

We will never forget you Frances!

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Monday, December 08, 2008

Psycho Serial Killers and the CURSE of Frank Black

Repost from 10/27/04

Halloween Horror
I have always been fascinated and obsessed with serial killers and demonic characters. I spend time reading profiles from crime library, watching documentaries, and TV shows and movies on these subjects. On October 31, 1997 X-Files creator Chris Carter premiered a new series...Millennium. Like X-files, I obsessed over this show, and enjoyed watching the demise of the main character…Frank Black. MILLENNIUM followed the story of a retired FBI serial profiler, who moves his family to Seattle to escape from harm and then joins the Millennium Group to keep up the fight against evil. The Millennium Group is an X-Files conspiracy type consulting group made of former FBI agents and policemen. The series lasted three years, and I loved to watch Frank Black's journey as he looked into the mind of evil from serial killers to other evil people. Frank Black’s character got better as he became more demonic and dark.

Ode to a Serial Killer
The Movie Copycat. I enjoyed this movie, as profilers hunt down a copy cat murderer who copies the most notorious killers in history. Plus I think Harry Connick Jr is HOT AS HELL.

So, in honor of Halloween and the Curse of Frank Black, here is my list of some of my favorite serial killers.

Eddie Gein
From Crime Library Site
“On November 17, 1957 police in Plainfield, Wisconsin arrived at the dilapidated farmhouse of Eddie Gein who was a suspect in the robbery of a local hardware store and disappearance of the owner, Bernice Worden. Gein had been the last customer at the hardware store and had been seen loitering around the premises.
Gein's desolate farmhouse was a study in chaos. Inside, junk and rotting garbage covered the floor and counters. It was almost impossible to walk through the rooms. The smell of filth and decomposition was overwhelming. While the local sheriff, Arthur Schley, inspected the kitchen with his flashlight, he felt something brush against his jacket.
When he looked up to see what it was he ran into, he faced a large, dangling carcass hanging upside down from the beams. The carcass had been decapitated, slit open and gutted. An ugly sight to be sure, but a familiar one in that deer-hunting part of the country, especially during deer season.
It took a few moments to sink in, but soon Schley realized that it wasn't a deer at all, it was the headless butchered body of a woman. Bernice Worden, the fifty-year-old mother of his deputy Frank Worden, had been found
While the shocked deputies searched through the rubble of Eddie Gein's existence, they realized that the horrible discoveries didn't end at Mrs. Worden's body. They had stumbled into a death farm.
The funny-looking bowl was a top of a human skull. The lampshades and wastebasket were made from human skin.
A ghoulish inventory began to take shape: an armchair made of human skin, female genitalia kept preserved in a shoebox, a belt made of nipples, a human head, four noses and a heart.
The more the looked through the house, the more ghastly trophies they found. Finally a suit made entirely of human skin. Their heads spun as they tried to tally the number of woman that may have died at Eddie's hands.”

"I didn't want to hurt them, I only wanted to kill them."
When Son of Sam first struck on the morning of July 29, 1976, no one could expect that a serial killer was making his debut
David Berkowitz:
Calling himself the Son of Sam, this serial killer terrorized New York City in the late 1970s.
From this site
"As serial killers go it was not the most stimulating of sobriquets and Berkowitz, a desperate attention-seeker, seemed to realise that his audience wanted more. In the early hours of 17 April 1977 he blasted to death young lovers Alexander Esau and Valentina Suriani and left a handwritten letter in the middle of the street nearby, addressed to Captain Joe Borelli, the deputy chief of the Omega task force, which had been set up the previous month to hunt down The .44 Killer
The sender of the letter claimed he had been ordered to kill by his father, Sam, who he said was a vampire. The letter was not released to the public and only a handful of journalists were told of its contents. One of them was New York Daily News columnist Jimmy Breslin, who dropped several hints about it in his articles. On 30 May 1977 Berkowitz sent Breslin a letter and, after teasing for almost a week, the Daily News finally published it and dubbed the killer Son of Sam."

He has found God now and has this site. He writes: "Frankly, I can give you no good reason why I should even be considered for parole. I can, however, give you many reasons why I should not be. The loss of six lives and the wounding of even more are reasons enough."

"It wasn't as dark and scary as it sounds. I had a lotta fun . . . Killing somebody's a funny experience"

Boston Strangler
Albert De Salvo, serial killer and rapist who terrorized Boston women.
From this site "They found on him all the tools of "The Measuring Man", as police called him, a culprit that had been going around to women's homes and pretending to be a representative for a modeling agency, taking the young women's measurements Despite his success in raping an enormous number of women and getting away with it, De Salvo moved into murder on June 14, 1962. After breaking into the Boston home of Ann Slesers, 55, he strangled the woman with the belt of her housecoat and tied it in a bow around her neck. This odd signature would become a tradmark of The Strangler's which he used on his subsequent victims. 1963 saw "The Strangler" become more violent during his attacks. On March 9 De Salvo killed Mary Brown, 69, raping her as usual but crushing her skull and stabbing her with a fork several times before strangling her. He left the fork protruding from her breast. On May 6 he killed 23-year-old Beverly Samans, tying her to her bedposts and raping her repeatedly before strangling her and finally stabbing her corpse 22 times. He left his knife in the sink at the firl's apartment but it proved no help to police. Evelyn Corbin, 58, was the next victim when she was killed on September 8. Strangely De Salvo strangled Corbin with his bare hands but still put her nylons to use, tying them in the customary bow and looping them around one of her toes.
Despite admitting his guilt in the murders of 13 women, De Salvo never served time for the killings. Amazingly, the incomparable Bailey managed a plea bargain and his killer client plead guilt only to the innumerable sexual assaults and robberies, garnering a term of life in prison. He died in 1973, the victim of a stabbing in his cell."

"You feel the last bit of breath leaving their body. You're looking into their eyes. A person in that situation is God!"
"We serial killers are your sons, we are your husbands, we are everywhere.
And there will be more of your children dead tomorrow"

Ted Bundy:

The most frightening of serial killers: a handsome, educated psychopath who stalks and murders young college women. Who could have guessed at the evil in his soul? Ted Bundy who reigned terror across the United States during the 1970's. There were countless more victims before and after Joni who were not so fortunate to have lived. Some thirty-six women may have fallen prey to Bundy, but only he knew for sure. It is a number that Bundy has carried with him to his grave.

"I really screwed up this time."
A young man from a good family deviates into necrophilia and cannibalism, then lures boys to his apartment to be murdered and maimed. Jeffrey (Jeff) Dahmer was a runaway train to madness, a cannibal serial killer, who killed his male lovers to prevent them from rejecting him.

"I always had the desire to inflict pain on others and to have others inflict pain on me. I always seemed to enjoy everything that hurt. The desire to inflict pain, that is all that is uppermost."
This gentle-looking grandfather cleverly lured children to their death, then devised recipes to eat them. This cannibal model for Hannibal Lector is a study in criminal psychology

"Kiss My Ass." ~John Wayne Gacy's final words before being executed
John Wayne Gacy
"Respectable" Chicago-area businessman hires young men to work in his contracting company, then rapes and murders scores of them, burying their bodies on his properties. He was a sharp businessman who had spent his time, when not building up his contracting company, hosting elaborate street parties for friends and neighbors, dressing as a clown and entertaining children at local hospitals. During a three-year-period, Gacy went on to viciously torture, rape and murder more than thirty other young men, who would later be discovered under the floorboards of his home and in the local river."

"I killed so many women I have a hard time keeping them straight"

"My plan was I wanted to kill as many women I thought were prostitutes as I possibly could," he said. "I picked prostitutes as my victims because I hate most prostitutes and I did not want to pay them for sex. I also picked prostitutes for victims because they were easy to pick up without being noticed."

Ridgway described how a young woman he was choking was looking at him while begging for her life. He said it taught him a lesson: to always make sure the victim isn't facing him, lest she be able to identify him if she survives.
Green River Murders
"Scores of women murdered in the Seattle area results in the longest running homicide investigation in U.S. history. Finally DNA evidence points the finger at Gary Leon Ridgway as the killer"

"I've killed no one. I've ordered no one to be killed. These children who come to you with their knives, they're your children. I didn't teach them, you did."
Chilling monster made followers kill on command.

"It's nothing you'd understand, but I do have something to say. In fact, I have a lot to say, but now is not the time or place. I don't know why I'm wasting my time or breath. But what the hell? As for what is said of my life, there have been lies in the past and there will be lies in the future. I don't believe in the hypocritical, moralistic dogma of this so-called civilized society. I need not look beyond this room to see all the liars, hater, the killers, the crooks, the paranoid cowards--truly trematodes of the Earth, each one in his own legal profession. You maggots make me sick-- hypocrites one and all. And no one knows that better than those who kill for policy, clandestinely or openly, as do the governments of the world, which kill in the name of God and country or for whatever reason the deem appropriate. I don't need to hear all of society's rationalizations, I've heard them all before and the fact remains that what is, is. You don't understand me. You are not expected to. You are not capable of it. I am beyond your experience. I am beyond good and evil, Legions of the night--night breed--repeat not the errors of the Night Prowler and show no mercy. I will be avenged. Lucifer dwells within us all. That's it" --Richard Ramirez's statement before he received sentencing at his trial.

"I love to kill people. I love to watch them die. I would shoot them in the head and they would wiggle and squirm all over the place, and then just stop. Or I would cut them with a knife and watch their faces turn real white. I love all that blood."

The Night Stalker
"Sadistic, psychopathic monster terrifies California suburbs, murdering, raping & brutalizing his victims. Richard Ramirez, called the Night Stalker now sits on San Quentin's death row. Despite his satanic views Ramirez has received numerous marriage proposals."

Robert Pickton
Now charged with 30 of 69 missing women. His wild parties included his victims, but in the most grotesque manner.

The Zodiac Killer
"Mysterious serial killer who has confounded investigators for over 30 years. The unsolved Zodiac murders are a bizarre and notorious Calif serial killer case which inspired one of the Dirty Harry movies. There have been many theories and suspects proposed."

"Sex is one of my downfalls. I get sex any way I can get it. If I have to force somebody to do it, I do . . . I rape them; I've done that. I've killed animals to have sex with them, and I've had sex while they're alive."
"I took her bra and panties off and had sex with her. That's one of those things I guess that got to be a part of my life -- having sexual intercourse with the deadd."
From this site "Henry Lee Lucas might be America’s most prolific serial killer. On the other hand, he might be the biggest liar since Baron von Munchhausen. After experiencing a self-described "religious conversion" in prison, he decided to bare his soul and confess to an astronomical number of murders. Later, however, he recanted most of his testimony. Among law enforcement officials, the exact number of his crimes remains a matter of debate. Still, even if Lucas’s final body counts falls far short of the five hundred victims he originally claimed, he nevertheless ranks as one if the most depraved serial killer in history. Subjected to untold horrors by his insanely abusive mother, Lucas began indulging in sadistic depravity while still a child. By thirteen, he was engaging in sex with his older half-brother, who also introduced Henry to the joys of bestiality and animal torture. One of their favorite activities was slitting the throats of small animals, then sexually violating the corpses."

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Holidaze and Freddie Mercury

REPOST FROM 11/21/04

Killer Queen Freddie
Bitch is Back

I've paid my dues -
Time after time -
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime -
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face -
But I've come through

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world -

I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortuen and everything that goes with it
I thank you all -

But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I ain't gonna lose -

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world –

Sometimes I need to blast this song over and over. Its motivational music used in difficult times. Though I have computer access again, it’s dial-up and very hard to use. It’s slow, and impossible to go anywhere without it taking years to download.

Last night I had some drinks with a friend, Merlot and Shiraz. I’m a total wine connoisseur. It tasted really good and felt good too. I figure for special occasions I can drink;, it was my friends 52 birthday and all. Today, I felt hung-over and tired, and slept most of the day.

I started feeling depressed when I could not find my tabby cat Figaro. Last night I gave him a flea pill at 2 in the morning. He had been having irritation and reaction to the fleas and the Advantage. My black alpha male Crookshanks, is doing just fine. Figaro was losing fur and looking pretty shabby. Since I gave him that pill, I haven’t seen him. It’s now 8:00 at night. He didn’t come for food today at all. He could have gotten out when I smoked a cigarette, I don’t know. I’m scared he is sick and dying somewhere in my apartment. I’m so scared he is dead, or going to die. I’m just freaking out, and I’m scared to look because of what I will find. Crookshanks, I’m hoping, would let me know if something was wrong with his brother. He isn’t acting weird. I’m just freaking out, and getting sad and scared.

I always get depressed over the holidays and my birthday too. It fucking sucks, but it always seems to happen. I don’t know if my drinking wine is making this worse, or just my stresses about moving. I’m just having a semi panic-depression attack. I’m not telling you so you can feel sorry for me. I feel sorry enough for myself. I guess, if anyone can understand depression, and seasonal depression, you can relate. I just feel as if I am sinking down. If something has happened to my cat, its gonna really, really hurt me. I’m just praying it all will be okay. Hence, the Freddie Mercury. Just gotta keep listening to my Freddie and plugging away and surviving. We are the Champions!

The King

I miss you Freddie! Thank you for your guidance and inspiration. We love you.

Give Me My Vibrator or Give Me Death!

President Bush,
I respect your recent win and I pledge to support you for the next four years. But please, I beg you, don’t take my vibrators away. I cant live without my daily orgasms, and my vibrator works so much better than the bathtub faucet or a shower massager. Plus, my hand gets really tired from rubbing so hard. Maybe I’m lazy, but nothing sets me off into an orgasm more than my vibrator. I just pray to God that I never have to go without it.

Support Our Troops
I think if we really want to support the wives of our Troops at war, we need to make sure they all have vibrators. I would like to start a group in collaboration with Operation Take One For the County, how about Operation Vibrate For Our Country? This group would provide vibrators and masturbation techniques to all the wives and girlfriends of our Troops serving overseas. I think this would greatly reduce the number of “Dear John” letters, and also empower these women sexually. I’m sure our “Boys” overseas would appreciate the efforts.

Vibrating Love
I use my vibrators when I’m alone and needing to relax and I also use my vibrator during sex. My vibrator helps keep me lubricated, which enables me to withstand hours and hours of cock pounding sex. Using a vibrator helps during anal sex, providing the utmost high. I have multiple orgasms during sex, thanks to my vibrator. My partner appreciates it too, because it’s less work for him and he so likes watching me squirm and gush when I cum.

Such a Full-Filling Experience
One of my boyfriends used to like to use vibrators in all my holes, with a massager on my clit and then stick his dick in my mouth. He loved to make me cum that way, and would always say I was “Full-Filled”. Vibrators totally enhance the love making experience and I believe we should all have safe access to them.

Naughty, Naughty Boy
One of my boyfriends used to like me to stick a lubricated vibrator up his ass. This was kinda fun in a Dominatrix style way. He also used to like to suck on the end of my reality shaped vibrator. I admit this turned me on too. Ah well different strokes for different folks.

I’m just saying we should all be able to use vibrators and sex toys in the privacy of our own homes. Please don’t take this right away from us.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Vader’s Celexa (stolen and modified from Nirvana’s Lithium)

REPOST From 12/2/04

I’m so happy ’cause today
I’ve fought some demons ...
They’re in my head
I’m so ugly, but that’s okay, ’cause so are you ...
We’ve broken our mirrors
Monday morning is everyday for all I care ...
And I’m not scared
Light my bubbler, in a daze
’cause I’ve found god
Yeah (x6)

I’m so lonely but that’s okay, I colored my hair ...
It’s flaming RED
And just maybe I’m to blame for all I’ve heard ...
But I’m not sure
I’m so excited, I can’t wait to meet you there ...
But I don’t care
I’m so horny, but that’s okay ...
Boytoy’s feel GOOD

I like it - I’m not gonna crack
I miss you - I’m not gonna crack
I love you - I’m not gonna crack
I killed you - I’m not gonna crack

As Eddie Vedder once said “I’m still alive”. Sometimes Im the walking dead Tim Robbins style. Other times Im as happy and perky as a sick and twisted John Huges film. Mostly Im numb and overwhelmed by all the shit I must do. Its easier to run and hide, then climb my mountain of tasks. With time running out, my short-timer syndrome has culminated completely.
Due to recent “black ass” bouts, my Celexa doubled dosed. This should keep me sane through the holidaze and move. Like fellow Pisces, depressed artist and Warshingtonian, Kurt Kobain said so well “I’m not gonna crack”. Unlike him, I wont go killing myself. Its something I think about, but the love of my child will always keep me going. Suicide is the most selfish of solutions.
Thanks again for your comments and support. My blog has been acting crazy from all the photos. I can’t open any links, and I doubt you guys can too. Sorry about that. I think of you all often, and send you love. I promise to come a visiting you soon. (hopefully tonight)

That terrible mood of depression of whether it's any good or not is what is known as The Artist's Reward.
Ernest Hemingway

This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this
Charlie Brown

Give Me My Sex, Drugs, and RocknRoll....As Nasty as I Wanna Be!

Repost from 11/6/04 CENSORED

Government of the people
For the people
By the people

[News reporter]:
Earlier today in Broward County,
appalling courtjudges upheld the previousruling
to ban the sale of Miami rap group the 2 Live Crew's
double-platinum album,
"Nasty As They Wanna Be," in Broward County.

[Someone else commenting]
"We think it's the banning of free speech.
First Amendment protects material, resultably."

Luke (being interviewed):
"We don't talk about, uh, harrassing and sexually
brutalizing women in my music, man!"
"We don't do that in my music, man! I'm tired of you
saying that!"

Verse 1: [Fresh Kid Ice]
We've got white-collar people trying to grab our style
Saying we're too nasty and we're 2 Live
Corrupted politicians playing games
Bringing us down to boost their fame
They must be joking thinking we will fall
But they're like flies movin' the wall
We stand tall from beginning to end
With the help from fans and all our friends
Freedom of speech will never die
For us to help, our ancestors died
Don't keep thinking that we will quit
We'll always stand and never sit
We're 2 live, 2 black, 2 strong
Doing the right thing, and not the wrong
So listen up, y'all, to what we say
We won't be banned in the U.S.A.!

Chorus: (3x)
Banned in the USA, I was

"Luke's concerts are for adults"

[Luke] (being interviewed):
"If it's an adult show you have to be 18"
"Our record is a year old, but with all the publicity,
there's a lot of people ... curiosity is around!"
"We're selling records to a totally different
"I take a precaution that nobody else has not stickered my
album, I made
TWO versions, two versions two versions.."

Verse 2: [Brother Marquis]
The First Amendment gave us freedom of speech
So what you sayin'? It didn't include me?
I like to party and have a good time
There's nothin' but pleasure written in our rhyme
I know you don't think we'll ever quit
We've got some people on our side who won't take your lip
We're gonna do all the things we wanna do
You can't stand to see a brother get as rich as you
This is the 90s and we're conin' on strong
Sayin' things and doin' things that you're sayin's wrong
Wisen up, 'cause on Election Day,
We'll see who's banned in the U.S.A.!

The United States of America
Government of the people
The United States of America
For the people
The United States of America
By the people
By the people

[Luke] (being interviewed):
"The show in Hollywood, that was for 21-and-over people,
they had police out there, cars of the people coming in the
and they still arrested us for performing in front of

[Luke] speech:
What is this??
Is this not America?
This is not China!
This is not Russia!
This is not the place where they brought down the wall, this is
We have the right to say what we want to say,
we have the right to do what we want to do,
and what I do in my house, you might not do in your house!
So what I do in my house is my business!
And the simple fact of it all is that we are BONDED by the First
We have the freedom of EXPRESSION!
We have the freedom of CHOICE!
And you, Chinese, black, green, purple, Jew,
YOU have the right to listen to whoever you want to, and even
the 2 Live Crew!
So all you right-wingers, left-wingers, bigots, Communists,
there IS a place for you in this world!
Because this is the land of the FREE, the home of the BRAVE!
And 2 Live is what we are
-"Banned in the USA" 2 Live Crew

Vader believes in personal liberty. Personal religious beliefs should NEVER be mixed in government. What I do to my body is my business.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the freedom of press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. (Amendment 1,The Constitution of the United States.)

I believe in my rights guaranteed under the first amendment. To me, this is the freedom for lots of sex, drugs, and rocknroll.

If I want to have anal sex, that is my business. If I want to masturbate with dildos and vibrating pearl rabbits, that too is my business. If I want to have a hot, wicked lesbian threesome…that’s my choice, and my right. I should have full access to porn, if Im purchasing it from an adult establishment as an adult. Shit, if I covet and fuck my neighbors wife, that is still my choice, just because its morally wrong, it should not make it illegal. I have control of my body. If I chose to get pregnant as a teenager, and keep my child, that is my choice. If I get raped, and chose to have an abortion, its my right to have safe access. My body, my choice.

If I want to smoke pot, and use it as medicine for migraine or menstrual cramps that should be my right. Hell, I should be able to GROW my own plants for personal use. That is my right. I should be able to chose what I want to put into my body for medicinal value. Hell, if I want to smoke a cigarette or drink a beer after work, that is my right too. If I want to shoot myself up with heroine, let me do it. What good does the drug war serve other than to reinforce the power of the gangs and underworld?

I believe in artistic freedom, and freedom of expression. Musicians should not be banned, no matter how offensive they may be. Even the Klu Klux Klan has a right to protest and gather, as much as I hate those fockers. I consider the work of Robert Mapplethorpe fine art. We should all have access to public library books without censorhip. Pee-Wee Herman should not be harassed for his taste in art. I stand behind the words of 2 Live Crew.

Fuck this hypersensitive, over-religious moral crusade to save the world.



The state of a free person; exemption from subjection to the will of another claiming ownership of the person or services; freedom; -- opposed to slavery, serfdom, bondage, or subjection.

Freedom from imprisonment, bonds, or other restraint upon locomotion.

A privilege conferred by a superior power; permission granted; leave; as, liberty given to a child to play, or to a witness to leave a court, and the like.

Privilege; exemption; franchise; immunity enjoyed by prescription or by grant; as, the liberties of the commercial cities of Europe.

The place within which certain immunities are enjoyed, or jurisdiction is exercised.

A certain amount of freedom; permission to go freely within certain limits; also, the place or limits within which such freedom is exercised; as, the liberties of a prison.

A privilege or license in violation of the laws of etiquette or propriety; as, to permit, or take, a liberty.

The power of choice; freedom from necessity; freedom from compulsion or constraint in willing.

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
- Benjamin Franklin

In every country and in every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot...
- Thomas Jefferson

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
- Thomas Jefferson

Of liberty I would say that, in the whole plenitude of its extent, it is unobstructed action according to our will. But rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. I do not add 'within the limits of the law,' because law is often but the tyrant's will, and always so when it violates the right of an individual
- Thomas Jefferson

Liberty has never come from government. Liberty has always come from the subjects of government. The history of liberty is the history of resistance.
- Woodrow Wilson


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