"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Monday, September 05, 2005

GOD DAMN! Nuthin More INSANE THAN Seeing Your Ex Boyfriend on MTV….

Zen and Insanity
While Im taking time to get my head straight, and sort out my life, the craziest most fucking surreal things tend to keep happening. Im all about reaching that cosmic zen inside my mind to fight off the Metallica demons and slay oncoming attacks from invisible super-villains. Its been a struggle, but I think I will emerge victorious.

Fuck Stoopid Ass MTV
In any event, I NEVER watch MTV anymore. I dunno, I love music, but I just got burned out on keeping up with whose a rockstar. Plus the whole rockstar mentality makes me want to vomit. Big fucking deal, you happened to be in the right place at the right time and scored yourself connections to “sell out”. I don’t fucking care about your fame and “talent”. This foul taste also derived itself from actually hanging out with rockstars in the late 90’s. The fakeness of the backstage scene, the constant name dropping, the plastic friendships, I just hated it all and preferred to get stoned in some back corner, than smooze with the stars.

Name Dropping Rock Stars
At this time when I was hanging with these famous bands, I was living with a guy, also the love of my life (so far). He was a loser and a user, and ran his god damn mouth for hours about how he grew up with this famous band, and how he now in effect was a legend. He had pictures of them from the early “punk” days, and spent hours taking each picture one by one, and detailing boring ass name dropping stories. I HATED that. Plus, he always loved this band more than me. Basically, that’s one of the reasons we broke up (among many). When the lead singer admitted in a song and interview that he might be “bisexual” and he experimented as a teenager with a “friend”, I knew damn well why I would NEVER be loved as much as that band. It hurt, but I accepted that.

FAME… Whats a Name?

Years go by, and this band has its ups and downs, like any other. Recently they put out a new album and now they are bigger than fucking EVER. Im happy for them, because though I was jealous and disgusted by the scene, they are nice people and extremely talented. They even helped me in ways I can never repay. I will always love them and their families, but since they are such good friends with my EX, I let them go, and never looked back again.

SHOCK Me Babee!
So, Im sitting at the computer, just back from a fun time in Seattle and hanging with my sister and my niece. They are watching the MTV music awards, like teenage girls do. A band comes driving up in an old car. My sister and niece squeal and giggle

“oh we love these guys”,
“is this sum 41?”…. long pause.
“No its ______ _____!”.
“Hey don’t you know him?” they ask

“yeah” I shrug “ I know all of them” trying to change the subject but shocked by how much they changed from when I knew them in the late 90s. Totally hollywood. Money and fame sure as shit does change people.

Then to my shock, horror and awe, the lead singer stops the interview and points out the driver of the car they came cruising in on. He goes on and on about what a “car legend”
this guy is. The camera and the announcer turn away from the band and pan in on… a face…. A familiar face a presence I haven’t felt since…

I could not believe it, what were the fucking chances I happen to sit down at that time and happen to see his face smiling from the wheel of a hot rod on fucking MTV.

“now I really have something to brag about” chimed my little sister.

“uh… please don’t” I replied shocked as shit “I really don’t get off on talking or thinking about my ex”

End of story. Fuck, shit, god fucking DAMN! Im feeling like a loser, finding my self, and my ex boyfriend is still living in a fantasy world that he is a rock star, and now even being showcased on MTV.

Somebody kill me now.


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