"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Saturday, May 28, 2005

The fucking box of chocolates called Life......

Courage, Travel, Love and Adventure


Life takes courage. For me personally, this takes the courage to fail, experience hardships, explore, and love. Life seemed so simple a while back, and somewhat boring as a soccer mom soap opera (which we all know is never really boring *grin*). With the seasons came change, and it took great courage for me to accept these changes. Hell, it takes courage for me to drive down an interstate going 70 miles an hour with oncoming traffic and a small divider line. It takes courage to trust humans, especially ones we seem to be falling in love with. It takes courage to get up in the morning. Courage is needed to be a fierce jedi, or a bounty hunter. I need courage to be a good parent, and make the best decisions for my child. It takes all the courage my body holds to survive poverty, not having money for food, or the ability to pay the endless mountains of bills. I think I have the courage to follow my dreams, turn my talents and ideas into action, and rise to the top Eye of the Tiger style.

Gypsies live to travel. My gypsy/Viking spirit enjoys seeing new places, and living in and conquering new territories. Lol. I think some of this comes from growing up in the same house from birth to 18, and escaping the ghosts of this monotony at 19. I dreamt of leaving home and running to California since I was 12. This gave me hope and survival in surviving all the bullshit girl drama going on in my head and around me. I also needed to escape from my family. My recent travels to Colorado Springs from Washington then back seemed polar opposite experiences. On my way down, I felt like a burden, an intrusion on a couple in love and dealing with the effects of war. The road trip seemed a competition; of time, my brothers attention, who had better organizational skills, and who was the better driver. I remember endless arguments, tension and even a little drama at a roach motel. In essence the trip sucked. Its interesting how much you learn about people, and your compatibility from a road trip! The best part was stopping for gas and lunch at a little diner/everything/one man show in Utah. We were attracted to the beer sign, and I guess in Utah he paid a pretty penny for selling it. I love meeting characters on road trips! Other than that, the trip sucked. But then, cat fighting is never pleasant. My trip back on the other hand, was totally different. First we went a better way, from Colorado going West. The scenery was amazing, awesome and powerful rock formations, salt deposits, hot springs.... it was totally beautiful. The company was also awesome. I met the most amazing guy, who thinks a lot like I do and even reminds me of doc holiday. This road trip totally rocked! We had a lot of fun and adventures, and it was definitely one of the most memorable times of my life.

I’ve tried love before and it didn’t work for me, so I gave up. At least this was my attitude. I felt I could use men, and the younger they were the easier it was not to care. Im a badd ass tough chick, and I don’t want to care about anyone. Plus falling in love hurts... for me it feels like getting hit by a bus. You see it coming and like a deer in headlights, president Bush style, you cant move. Its paralyzing and leaves you powerless. I will do things to fuck up love, if Im falling. I fight it as much as possible. But it overwhelms you like a bad dream, and there you are again. Its so beautiful too, just scary as hell, the worst theme park ride ever. I just need to have courage to ride the sunami.

My spirit animal would be a black panther. I dunno, I just admire the beauty, strength and elegance of this wise animal. I also identify with black cats. Adventure has been calling me. I seem to feel this Hunter S. Thomson-ish calling to experience crazy shit in life and then write about it. These life experiences must happen to me so I can turn them into novel fodder. Shoot, why else would my life be so strange and full of vivid and amazing characters and experiences? My recent adventures and travel have taken me to Oregon. A small town south or Portland. One of my friends from UC Berkeley, a single mother of two sons I helped raise, now lives there. The bond of single mothers lasts forever, as it takes a village to raise a child. I like the laws in Oregon, and Im thinking about using some of my past experiences to start a business. Who knows what lies in my future, but I know I have love, courage, and faith in myself to tackle life adventures.

Im going to post some photos of my friends in Colorado Springs. I met some amazing people down there. Fate played a strange role in my return home. Destiny is a strange mother-fucker.

I also want to thank my friends who have really shown me love and helped me through these times. My heart is filled with love at how people generously aided Vader. Life is beautiful when you feel loved and supported, especially when you feel as if your family turned their back. Thanks so much you guys, I loves ya!

Peace, Love and Humptiness For-EVAH!

My special travel companion shooting pool at his hometown bar in Washington. Yup we made it home.

My tattoo artist and my single father friend. Both punk musicians/parents.

Tam Oshanters and a very special and HAWT bartender

My kitties sleeping on the roadtrip down through Wyoming.

A very nice view for a road trip I would say.

My roomate, his friends, and my infamous punk house on Cimaron. Gotta love the guns.

A single firefighter, too young to be at that bar.

My cat Figaro


My neighbors and friends.


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