"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Friday, March 04, 2005

A Time to Pause and Remember

Today I learned some news I thought I would share with you.

A Guy Named Bill
Back in 2001, I met this guy Bill. We kinda connected because back then I was a big marijuana activist, and he was a big time marijuana dealer/grower. He had great and tastey green bud, and of course that drew me to him as a connection. He called me the “cannabis Queen” and we soon started dating.

Friends & Lovahs
Bill was a happy go lucky guy, who had nothing bad to say about anyone, and loved the world. It must have been the stoner energy that kept him on a permanent happy high. He kinda reminded me of a sexy, and hotter Jack Black. Lol. We smoked together, he hooked me up with great “medicine” and also soe pretty good sex. It was a great match… but we soon realized that we were better friends than lovers.

A Good Man is Hard to Find (But Not Difficult to Find Hard)
This was cool, because when I started seeing my last boyfriend, Bill continued to be there for me. I remember one time I was fucking sick as hell with a bladder infection. It was turning into a kidney infection, and spreading over my body fast. I could hardly move, or get out of bed. My boyfriend at the time was too “busy” to take me to the doctor. I could barely drive, much less see. Bill, drove me to the health clinic, and stayed with me, holding my hand, until I got the antibiotics I needed to live. What more can you say about a friend like that?

I returned the favor for him, in his time of need. Bill was busted transporting over a pound of cannabis, and facing years in prison. Due to my legal contacts with NORML, I hooked him up with the best attorney in the state, and he eventually got off with community service. He forever swore to our friendship after that.

Hemfest Luv
The last time I saw him was on the ferry going to Hempfest in Seattle. I was scheduled as a speaker, and running late for my time slot. Bill, found me frazzled and freaked out, and stayed with me, again holding my hand throughout the event. He calmed down with killer green bud backstage, and encouraged and supported me before and after my performance.

The Psychic Pisces
Once things got really serious with my last boyfriend, I lost contact with Bill. I wasn’t allowed to have any friends, especially males. Though, any time I needed him, I knew he was always there. I hadn’t really thought of Bill until a couple weeks ago. Strong memories and feelings of him, and our friendship overcame me like a strong acid flashback. I realized I needed to re-connect with him, and planned on looking him up again. Ive thought of him strongly every day since then, but never seemed to come up with the time to call him. Another weird thing, is that I was doing a tarrot reading last week, and I kept getting the death card in my future. You should all know, that Im a white witch, and a tarrot reader. I was reading my brothers girlfriends cards and my own, in my readings, the Death Card kept showing up, meaning... death and mortality. This freaked us out, as my brother's girl, was worried it meant my brother... or me. At the time, I didnt, know what that card meant... but now I totally do.

News No one Wants to Hear
Today, one of my best friends, an awesome and amazing drummer, who has also been a true and real friend to me, despite drama I have caused him, called me. He asked if I heard what happened to Bill. Instantly, I freaked out, hoping it wasn’t bad news, especially since he has been so in my thoughts of late. I guess Bill died a couple weeks ago in a motorcycle accident in Seattle. Ive never lost a lover before. Im kinda in shock, especially due to my psychic vibes. At least I can say, that Bill was one of the most awesome human beings I knew, and I will love and cherish our friendship for-evah.

Some Hempy Links…. RIP Baby
In memory of Bill, Im going to link my pot-tv shows , and also hempfest. Bill was an amazing grower, dealer, and activist for the cause. He spent years, volunteering his time with Hempfest, and he will be surely missed on this planet. love you Bill

Thanks for reading guys.

Peace Out.

Monday, February 28, 2005

The First Kiss

You’ve Got Me Under Your Spell
Maybe its because my heart is cold, so I attach my self to sex, and loveless relationships. Ive been officially single and loving it for a year now, and I barely remember what it was like to begin again… and to fall for someone. I forgot the feeling in your chest, the butterflies, that take over your body uncontrollably, when your cast under that spell. Ive lived my relationships of late in terms of lust, fucking, and sexual ratings. I forgot what it feels like to fall for someone.

That Sacred Kiss
The first kiss for me usually becomes the first fuck in a matter of seconds. This takes so much meaning fro the first kiss. The ackward head turn, the long hug, and oh yes… the first, long, wet, and drawn out kiss. The kiss you end, after feeling wrapped in passion, only to fondly reminisce and plan the next. The power of the first kiss, that leads to anticipation and wait. I had forgotten about this. There is nothing more special than the first kiss… so romantic… so suspenseful, so sacred.

More Vader Interrupted Tales to Cum
I would write more about my adventure at the ER, and in an ambulance, but its pretty fresh right now and Im still angry about it. I want to write about it, when Im not so mad about the experience. I proimise it is a sick and twisted sitcom tale, that doesn’t involve me being hurt in any way. I can now laugh about it, but it was pretty painful at the time. Maybe my next post. Until then, think about your first kiss, in your relationship, in your life… and what magic these kisses entail.


PS My brother is gone and in Kuwait.

Cure - Siamese Twins Lyrics
I chose an eternity of this
Like falling angels
The world disappeared
Laughing into the fire
Is it always like this?
Flesh and blood and the first kiss
The first colours
The first kiss

We writhed under a red light
Voodoo smile
Siamese twins
A girl at the window looks at me for an hour
Then everything falls apart
Broken inside me
It falls apart

The walls and the ceiling move in time
Push a blade into my hands
Slowly up the stairs
And into the room
Is it always like this?

Dancing in my pocket
Worms eat my skin
She glows and grows
With arms outstretched
Her legs around me...

In the morning I cried

Leave me to die
You won't remember my voice
I walked away and grew old
You never talk
We never smile
I scream
You're nothing
I don't need you any more
You're nothing

It fades and spins
Fades and spins...

Sing out loud
We all die!!!
Laughing into the fire...

Is it always like this?


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