The Traveling DemonWe all know that moving and traveling is a BITCH. Especially when facing your demons and trying to figure out the meaning of your life. I never thought I would survive the holidaze and see 2005. For a while my fear kept me from visualizing the future. I hit a roadblock, and withdrew into myself.
Being the psychic Pisces that I am, I can always turn to the psychic world for guidance and wisdom. This time I found solace in my Faeries and Oracle deck. I believe that nothing happens without reason. There are no coincidences in life. Tarot cards never lie, and the two that I drew seemed ominously pertinent.
Epona’s Wild Daughter – Inner Shadows, Nightmare, Depression, Madness, and Growth
Eponas’s Wild Daughter Drochar, is the sphinx, whose riddles must be answered lest we otherwise be destroyed by our own internal conflicts. We can not go forward until we have faced something buried within us that is holding us back. Working through this is a task of some urgency. We must be open to these difficult questions and answers and be ready to face things about ourselves that are not as we would wish them to be. She urges us to heal the unresolved issues about who we really are and what we truly want to be. The realization when we have it will be transformative, and we will no longer be the people we once were.
This card reminded me of what I already knew. 2005 is the year for me to heal, to slay my demons, and to really find myself. This will be a hard feat, and we all know my demons lay deep within my jaded psyche. I’m optimistic in the fact that I can win this battle, and begin my life free of the dead debris that has kept me back. Healing will be a good thing for me.
The Journeyman – reversed
Adventure, Independence, Polishing of Skills, Travel
All the great ones, the saints, the bodhisattvas, and all of those who are filled by spiritual light have been on this journey. They went off into the wilderness, stepping, like fools, off the safe paths, into the waiting hands of their gods or goddesses. When this energy is blocked we may feel unable to move forward. It may be that such a journey is inappropriate, or it may mean that we are delaying ourselves with our own fear. If it is fear that is holding you back, take a long draught from the chalice of Courage and step out boldly. Twisted this energy can involved pretending to ourselves that we are moving forward but in fact, taking a dozen inappropriate paths in order to avoid the one truly right path. Consider carefully were you are going here. Consider your major long-term goals in life and ask how this journey helps you move toward them.
Hrmmm. This card worried me in the fact that I have questioned the journey to Colorado I recently embarked. Is this the right path for me? Should I really have left Bremerton? Am I just distracting myself? What are my long-term goals in life? Going back to school and getting my juris doctorate? Publishing a best selling novel? Fucking all the troops within a 15-mile radius? Getting my son back from his father and continuing my life as a single mother? I guess I really need to focus on what my long-term goals are, and start working towards them. I have definitely been distracting myself. Perhaps once I slay my demons I will be able to see my future, and work hard toward achieving my goals.
Life in Colorado
Colorado Springs is okay. The move was arduous and exhausting. I was sick as hell for many days. Right now I have no friends, and haven’t seen much but the crappy Wal-Mart down the street. God how I hate Wal-Mart. No matter what geographical location, the same trash seems there. Blech…. Fucking corporate america. I have tried to email the bloggers in Colorado Springs, but my emails were returned. I’m going to try again, and see if I can contact them another way. Its good for me to be alone though, since I have so much to work through and figure out. I must admit that I really miss the trees though. The twigs here dont speak to me much..lol.
Fucking Job Hunting....Kill Me Now!
Job-hunting is the ultimate WORST. I hate pimping myself out. FOCKERS! I hope to find a job I like, and not be a corporate slave again. But, then money… damn money…. I need it to survive. I’m tired of beg, borrowing and stealing to survive this life. Or borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. Ive exhausted my resources financially. Now, I don’t even live in my own house, I’m back to having a bedroom in someone else’s house. My little brother no less.
PETA Take Me Away
My brother insisted that I declaw my beloved cats Figaro and Crookshanks. I am so against declawing of cats. I think it is animal abuse. Its amputation of their fingers. I lost the battle though, and my cats were declawed on Thursday. They are home resting, but it kills me to see them in so much pain. PETA come arrest me now, I’m an animal abuser.
Anyhoo, sorry I have been so neglectful of you guys and my blog. I hope to be back in black AC/DC style very soon.
Happy late Birthday to my dear friend Tricia
I LOVE YOU GRRRL!
"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"
Saturday, January 08, 2005
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