"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Thursday, December 09, 2004

FUCKING SICK!!! Vader Aint Too Pure

Two posts in one day! Yes… sigh. Im trying to kick down the photos so my blog will download. Since the last sex quiz I posted was rather tame (or vanilla), I figured I would now post the sick and twisted purity test. This test asks some nasty questions, I was not ashamed to admit. Results: I aint that pure. You can take the test too, the lower your score, the more sick and twisted you are.



Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
CategoryYour Score Average
Self-Lovin'40%
When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself
65%
Shamelessness42.9%
Puts 'em on the glass
79.3%
Sex Drive 44.7%
I got needs, baby, you gotta unnastan'!
77.6%
Straightness3.6%
Knows the other body type like a map
44.6%
Gayness 80.4%
Repressed, are we?
83.8%
Fucking Sick75.2%
Refreshingly normal
90%
You are 50.13% pure
Average Score: 72.6%


-from the Purity Test Site

Dare to take the
The Ultimate Purity Test
392 Questions that will tell EVERYONE what you have done

We wanna know how dirty you are! Thus, the new and improved Purity Quiz is devoted to one thing: Sex, and lots of it, with updated questions on Cybersex, pornography, and the amazing wealth of fetishes that have sprung up in the last ten years.

Furthermore, your answers will be broken down into six categories - your Straight Score, your Gay Score, your Self-Lovin' score, your Shamelessness Score, your Sex Drive Score, and your Fucking Sick! score. Furthermore, each score will be tallied and compared with everyone else who's taken the Ultimate Purity Quiz.
If you score under 40% on this test, you are one sick bastard. Let's begin, shall we?


The Fucking Sick part is my favorite. I could BOLD my answers on the below questions so you can see why I'm not so pure. But, I think its more fun to let you guess based on my results. The questions are pretty friggin wild, so Im going to post them, for those of you too scared to actually take the test. You can figure out for yourselves which questions I checked. lol Especially in the Fucking Sick part.... that part way rules!

xxxooooo

First Questions
Really, we consider these to be a fait accompli, so they don't count towards any specific section. Check 'em all and move on - or if you can't, step away from the computer and get a date now.

Have you ever...

Kissed a friend or stranger on his/her hands, head, or neck as a friendly gesture?
Held hands with someone?
Had a date?
Had a date which lasted past 1 a.m.?
Dated someone on a regular basis?
Picked someone up?
Been picked up?
Gone steady?
Slow danced?
Been told to slow down when making the moves on someone?
Shared sleeping accommodations with someone without anything steamy happening?
Given a back or neck rub or massage with no ulterior motive?
Used tickling as a pick-up, get-to-know-you-better routine?
Directly asked someone whom you were not going out with and had never gone out with if they were a virgin?
Used physical strength, physical power, or any physical prowess, or prowesslessness as a factor in pick-up, get-to-know-you-better routine?
Secretly lusted after someone without that person knowing?
Dropped subtle hints to someone whom you liked/loved/wanted, hoping that they would pick up on it?
Written a love letter?
...and sent it?
Listened to dirty jokes in mixed company?
Told dirty jokes in mixed company?
Discussed masturbation? (Bringing up the topic of masturbation during Purity Testing does not cut it as "discussing masturbation".)
Shared filthy sex stories in public?
Administered/written any version of the Purity Test?
Taken Purity Tests of any versions more than 5 times?
Lied on any previous Purity Tests?


Sure, maybe you've slept with everyone from your sister to Ethel Kennedy - but are you comfortable with yourself? This section measures what measures you've put your pudendum through - is it still in the wrapper or have you put it through the wringer?

(Hmm. Though the wringer. Maybe that's a question for the next version....)

Have you ever...

Had an arousing dream? (Wet dreams and the like)
Had an arousing dream that led to climax during sleep?
Been sexually aroused?
Verbally expressed obscenities? (uttered, yelled, muttered, etc.)
Sexually fantasized about your long-term instructor, mentor, or someone who is superior to you? (One-day skydiving teachers, or two-hour ski instructors and the like do not count.)
Sexually fantasized about your lawyer, doctor, nurse, psychiatrist or someone with whom you are having a professional relationship?
Sexually fantasized about someone you know personally but not closely?
Sexually fantasized about anyone and masturbated at the same time?
Read pornographic periodicals?
Bought pornographic materials? (Not had a friend buy it for you; you brought it up to the counter and paid the cash, or had it sent to your house.)
Read sexually explicit literature?
Gone skinny dipping alone?
Made obscene phone calls?
Phoned up any recorded phone sex numbers (this includes answering machines with "phone sex" material)?
Had live phone sex?
Masturbated to orgasm while on the phone, but while the other person was not aware of it?
Had cybersex?
Masturbated?
Masturbated to orgasm?
Masturbated to orgasm at least five times in one twenty-four hour period?
Masturbated to orgasm on a fairly regular basis of no less than once a fortnight?
Masturbated to orgasm where you could have been discovered? (In a crowd, in public, gym/dorm/barracks showers, movie theater, etc.)
Masturbated to orgasm out in the wild or in nature with no nearby civilization?
Masturbated to orgasm while reading either pornographic or sexually explicit materials?
Masturbated to orgasm while driving a land vehicle?
Masturbated to orgasm while in a bathroom of the opposite sex?
Masturbated to orgasm while watching an R or X-rated show?
Masturbated to straight pornography?
Masturbated to gay pornography?
Masturbated to transvestite pornography?
Masturbated to bondage porn?
Masturbated to erotica?
Masturbated to a non-pornographic book (like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition or pictures of topless natives in National Geographic)?
Masturbated to a non-pornographic video with no naked people in it (like your favorite star during a television interview)?
Masturbated to some form of animation? (Heavy Metal, how I love thee!)
Been to a peep show?
Been to a private showing of a pornographic movie?
Been to a public showing of a pornographic movie? (i.e. X-rated movie house)
Walked around in your dwelling in the nude? (Must be a serious walk; five minutes of going around trying to find your undies after a shower doesn't make it.)
Bought a sexual toy for the purpose of masturbation?
Owned any erotic art pieces?
Sculpted erotic/obscene artworks in food (predominantly bananas, carrots, apples...)?
Eaten any erotic food items? (Chocolate tits, banana dicks, etc.)
Sculpted erotic-obscene artworks in soap, wood, or any other carvable material (not food)?
Inserted your finger into your rectum?
Performed oral sex on yourself? (Yes, this is possible.)
Been to a strip club?
Paid for a lap dance?
Gotten a happy ending from the lap dance?
Taken the stripper home at the end of the evening?
Bought a lap dance for someone else just to watch the look on their face?
Paid to view pornographic content on the internet?
Installed a program on your computer (RealMedia, etc.) for the express purpose of viewing pornography?
Had someone else find your porno stash?
Sent samples of your porno stash to someone else?
Watched a hentai video? (LA Blue Girl and the like)
Owned a hentai video?
Do you have over twenty pictures of porn on your hard drive right now?
Do you have over twenty megabytes of porn on your hard drive now?
Do you have over two hundred megabytes of porn on your hard drive?


There are a lot of closed doors in sex. We've all known total sluts who dressed well and wore glasses, and the virgin who tormented us but saved herself for marriage. This section sees how willing you are to show off your sexual side - while the last section showed what you'd do with the doors closed and a gallon of Vaseline, this is what you'll do when people are watching. Or maybe because people are watching.

Have you ever....

Stuffed your bra if you are female, or stuffed your pants if you are male?
Intentionally dressed in revealing clothes?
Been paid for modelling services of any kind?
Walked around in a public or semi-public area with a top (shirt, T-shirt, etc) but no bottoms (pants, shorts, etc)? (Dorm hallways, lobby areas, etc. are acceptable; however locker rooms and bathrooms and such place where this behavior is accepted does not count.)
Exaggerated any sexual experiences?
Claimed, in public, to be the best (or at least really good) at a particular sex act?
Streaked, flashed, or otherwise partially or totally exposed yourself in public before (or after) an informal, unofficial gathering of people?
...more than once?
...more than ten times?
...more than fifty times?
Streaked, flashed, or otherwise partially or totally exposed yourself in public before a formal (official) gathering of people? (Such as for a function, stage performance, charity dinner, modelling session, etc.)
Stripped naked for someone?
Been paid to strip?
Been in a circle jerk?
Had sex in public?
Been caught having sex in public?
Started a game of strip poker? (Not participated; started.)
Written erotica (slash fiction and fanfic counts)?
Written erotica and had it published (on the internet or elsewhere?)
Written erotica and gotten fan mail on it?
Bought sexual toys with friends present?
Bought birth control devices?
Bought birth control devices with friends (not your lovers) present?
Flashed someone at a concert?
Gotten beads at New Orleans (or some other suitable street party)?
Been photographed nude (or topless, if you're a girl)?
Been photographed nude (or topless, if you're a girl) and had those pictures posted to the internet?
Been photographed having sex (masturbation counts) and had those pictures posted to the internet?
...without your face hidden or blurred so people couldn't recognize you?
Sent nude photos in to be processed by a third party? (Oh, digital cameras make it so easy these days...)
Sent nude pictures of yourself to someone who was not present at the time you were photographed?
Had anyone to the best of your knowledge, masturbate to a nude picture of you? (Be honest.)
Had anyone, to the best your knowledge, pay to view nude photos of you?
Received gifts of any sort in exchange for flashing your breasts, ass, or genitalia (if you have a web page and some old guy spontaneously bought you some items from your Amazon Wish list, this counts)?
Given a full-fledged webcam show, including dancing and at least partial stripping?
Run a pornographic site of any kind?
...And made a significant amount of cash off of it?
Mooned or goosed someone?
Made an X or R-rated snowman or snow-woman?
Shaved your pubic hair?
...on a fairly regular basis?
Gone skinny dipping in mixed company?
Had sex with someone watching you but not participating?


Sure, everyone likes sex (and if you don't, we suggest you try it sometime) - but what are you willing to do to get it? Some will pick only the low-hanging fruit off the tree, while others will cut down the whole fucking orchard. This section's all about your need - how much you're willing to give up in order to get some of that sweet, sweet contact.

Have you ever...

Told someone that you loved them when you did not?
Told someone that you loved them strictly because you wanted to have sex with them?
Sexually fantasized about someone else other than your partner while you were engaged in sexual activity?
Used a convertible, motorcycle or some other "hot ride" to pick up guys/girls?
Intentionally listened in to other people performing sexual activities without their knowledge?
Used alcohol to lower someone else's inhibitions for the intent of sexual activity?
Used drugs to lower someone else's inhibitions for the intent of sexual activity?
Forced or coerced someone into performing sexual activities with you?
Had dates with multiple people in the same night while not all of your dates were aware of your actions?
Gone steady with multiple people at the same time without all of the people aware of what you were doing?
Gone steady with multiple people at the same time with all of them aware of your actions?
Given money or some favor in exchange for sexual activities?
Thought you might unintentionally have gotten pregnant or might have unintentionally caused a pregnancy?
Had or given someone an unwanted pregnancy?
Had sexual intercourse with more than 10 people (not necessarily at the same time)?
Had sexual intercourse with more than 1 person in a 24 hour period?
Had sexual intercourse with persons of both genders in a 24 hour period?
Borrowed a room at a party to have sex or make out with someone?
...more than once?
...more than once at the same party?
...more than once at the same party with two different people?
Played a game which may require you or others to disrobe?
Played a game which may require you or others to perform an action on another participant?
Given a "sympathy fuck"?
Initiated sexual activities with someone for the sake of those activities only?
Willingly committed incest?
Been involved in adultery?
Had sex so strenuous that someone was injured in the course of it?
Stolen the underwear of someone you know for a purpose other than that of a practical joke or to just annoy the person? (A bunch of guys invading the women's dorm on a mission of panty raids does not count.)
Intentionally taken the underwear of someone you didn't know?
Fondled someone who was asleep?
Attempted to seduce someone?
Allowed yourself to be seduced?
Had a fuck buddy?
...who you continued to have sex with throughout at least two other relationships?
Broken up with someone because of a lack of sex?
Cheated on more than one partner?
...cheated more than five times, with a different partner each time? (This does not have to be all with the same partner, though; cheating twice on one partner and three times on another counts.


I once knew a lesbian who'd known since she was six years old that she was destined to be gay - never kissed a boy, never held hands with one. She was the exception; even though straightness is what society strongly suggest, most gays have a little bit of experimentation under their belt. (Heh.) And if you are straight, well, hell, this section should be a cakewalk for you if you've gone all the way even once.

For the record, if you're a boy, this counts the activities you've done with girls. If you're girl, it's what you've done with boys. If you're a transsexual, well hell... Just pick one.

Have you ever...

Propositioned someone for necking or petting?
Propositioned someone for sexual activities?
Pinched or patted someone else's buttocks?
French kissed?
Been kissed below the neck but not including arms or hands?
Kissed someone else below the neck but not including arms or hands?
Necked?
Petted above the waist?
Petted below the waist?
Kissed on the first date?
Necked on the first date?
Petted above the waist on the first date?
Petted below the waist on the first date?
Given a hickey?
Received a hickey?
Fondled or stroked someone else's clothed legs?
Fondled or stroked someone else's bare legs?
Fondled or stroked someone else's chest/torso?
Had your chest/torso fondled or stroked?
Been involved with pelvic thrusting while fully clothed?
Had your fingers licked or sucked?
Had your ear or ear region licked, breathed upon, sucked, or nibbled?
Licked, breathed on, sucked, or nibbled an ear or ear region?
Licked or sucked someone else's finger(s)?
Fondled someone who was asleep?
Given a back massage with ulterior motives?
Given a back massage that led to something steamier?
Seen someone else completely nude while the person was under good lighting conditions?
Been seen completely nude under good lighting conditions by someone else?
Been in someone's company while both of you were completely nude?
Bathed or showered with someone?
Let someone else wash you while you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself. (This means that it doesn't count if you were in the hospital with two broken arms and the nurse washed you, no matter how cute she is.)
Stroked or fondled someone's clothed nipple(s), or, had your clothed nipples stroked or fondled?
Stroked or fondled a someone's bare nipples(s), or had your bare nipples(s) stroked or fondled?
Licked, sucked, or nibbled on someone else's nipple(s)? (Either one at a time, or, if you're really clever, both at the same time.)
Had your nipple(s) licked, sucked, or nibbled upon?
Petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled someone else's covered genitals?
Had your covered genitals petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled?
Petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled someone else's bare genitals?
Had anal sex?
Had your bare genitals petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled?
Had an orgasm while petting?
Given your partner an orgasm while petting?
Given or received finger scratch marks during sexual activity?
Performed oral sex?
Received oral sex?
Done sixty-nine?
Performed mutual masturbation?
Had sexual intercourse?
Had sexual intercourse on the first date?
Had sexual intercourse without the use of birth control devices? (Rhythm, prayer, and hope methods do not count.)
Had sexual intercourse with a virgin? (Not yourself.)
Had sexual activities with more than ten people?
Fingered their ass?
Licked their ass?
Had your own ass fingered or licked?


Now here's the interesting part: How much have you done on the forbidden side? When we refer to "someone" in the next section, read "someone of your own sex." There's a little bit of translation involved - for example, "virgin" in this section means "someone who's never had a homosexual experience before" - but you're smart. We're sure you'll get it.

Have you ever...

Propositioned someone for necking or petting?
Propositioned someone for sexual activities?
Pinched or patted someone else's buttocks?
French kissed?
Been kissed below the neck but not including arms or hands?
Kissed someone else below the neck but not including arms or hands?
Necked?
Petted above the waist?
Petted below the waist?
Kissed on the first date?
Necked on the first date?
Petted above the waist on the first date?
Petted below the waist on the first date?
Given a hickey?
Received a hickey?
Fondled or stroked someone else's clothed legs?
Fondled or stroked someone else's bare legs?
Fondled or stroked someone else's chest/torso?
Had your chest/torso fondled or stroked?
Been involved with pelvic thrusting while fully clothed?
Had your fingers licked or sucked?
Had your ear or ear region licked, breathed upon, sucked, or nibbled?
Licked, breathed on, sucked, or nibbled an ear or ear region?
Licked or sucked someone else's finger(s)?
Fondled someone who was asleep?
Given a back massage with ulterior motives?
Given a back massage that led to something steamier?
Seen someone else completely nude while the person was under good lighting conditions?
Been seen completely nude under good lighting conditions by someone else?
Been in someone's company while both of you were completely nude?
Bathed or showered with someone?
Let someone else wash you while you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself. (This means that it doesn't count if you were in the hospital with two broken arms and the nurse washed you, no matter how cute she is.)
Stroked or fondled someone's clothed nipple(s), or, had your clothed nipples stroked or fondled??
Stroked or fondled someone's bare nipple(s), or, had your bare nipples stroked or fondled??
Licked, sucked, or nibbled on someone else's nipple(s)? (Either one at a time, or, if you're really clever, both at the same time.)
Had your nipple(s) licked, sucked, or nibbled upon?
Petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled someone else's covered genitals?
Had your covered genitals petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled?
Petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled someone else's bare genitals?
Had your bare genitals petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled?
Had an orgasm while petting?
Given your partner an orgasm while petting?
Given or received finger scratch marks during sexual activity?
Performed oral sex?
Received oral sex?
Done sixty-nine?
Performed mutual masturbation?
Had sexual intercourse? (Women, choose your own damn definiton, but it does involve total nakedness.)
Had sexual intercourse on the first date?
Had sexual intercourse without proper protection?
Had sexual intercourse with a virgin? (Not yourself.)
Had opposite-sex sexual activities with more than ten people?
Fingered their ass?
Licked their ass?
Had your own ass fingered or licked?
Had anal sex? (Women, you get a two-for-one if you've used a strap-on, which is also covered in the "Fucking Sick" section. Take it and run.)


The Fucking Sick part is my favorite.

FUCKING SICK
This is what you've been waiting for, isn't it? You've just been clicking through the mundane stuff, going, "Yep - done that - done that - done that..." and all the while wondering, "When are they going to ask me something I haven't done?"

Well, this is the place where all the fetishes come out. This is the bizarre stuff. The depraved. The deranged. The absolute nadir of humanity. If you get under 40% on this section, we don't want to know you.

But we do admire you. Not that we'd ever admit it to our parents.

Have you ever...

Urinated on someone else intentionally? (Piss fights!)
Defecated on someone else intentionally?
Entered a bathroom of the opposite sex while you were not accompanied by someone of the opposite sex and were not involved in a search and/or rescue mission at the time?
Received money or some favor in exchange for sexual activities?
Had sex while either you or your partner, but not both, were under the age of consent for the state that you were in?
Tasted your own orgasmic liquids?
Had sexual intercourse with a religious officiary? (Priest, nun, mother-superior, cardinal, pope, etc.)
Had sex with someone dressed as a religious officiary?
Practiced bestiality? (avec les animaux)
Practiced transvestism?
...in public?
...more than five times?
Ever have to go to the hospital to have something removed from your rectum?
Practiced sadism? (for clarification, a sadist likes to hurt others)
Practiced masochism? (for clarification, a masochist likes to receive pain)
Practiced bondage?
Practiced domination?
Practiced submission?
Practiced cocrophilia? (Marked interest in excrement; esp. use of feces or filth for sexual excitement.)
Practiced frotteurism? (masturbation by rubbing against another person, The need to rub against another stranger, especially in a tightly packed crowd)
Practiced klismaphilia? (A dependency on being given an enema.)
Practiced necrophilia? (Fascination with the dead; specif: obsession with and usually erotic attraction toward and stimulation by corpses, typically evidenced by overt acts, like fucking a dead body - eeeyew)
Practiced mysophilia? (A dependency on something soiled or filthy, such as sweaty underwear or used menstrual pads.)
Practiced scoptophilia? (A dependency on looking at sexual organs and watching sexual activity openly. Not surreptitious as in voyeurism.)
Practiced urophilia? (Being dependently responsive to the smell or taste of urine or the sight and sound of someone urinating.)
Practiced blood play? (Cutting flesh and drinking the blood.)
Been a furry? (Defined, in these circumstances, as someone who is sexually attracted to cartoon animals)
Dressed up in a furry costume for purposes of attracting other furries?
Been a plushie? (Someone who has sex with stuffed animals - no, really!)
Had a shoe fetish?
had a foot fetish to any degree?
Had a hypnofetish? (Getting off on the idea of hypnotized people in sexual situations)
Had some other major fetish (i.e., been so turned on by a nonsexual object like a refrigerator or a coat hanger that you have masturbated to pictures of it that contained no sexual content)?
Owned a collection of underwear not originally your own?
Worn lingerie? (Yes, men can too)
Been a voyeur? (Being dependently responsive to the risk of being caught while illicitly peering at another person or couple undressing or engaged in sexual activity.)
Been involved in a double penetration, wherein two men have anal and vaginal sex simultaneously with a woman?
Been involved in a threesome (a menage-a-trois)with two males and a female?
...more than once?
...more than five times?
...where the two men performed sexual activities on each other?
Been involved in a threesome with two females and a male?
...more than once?
...more than five times?
...where the two women performed sexual activities on each other?
Engaged in sexual activities with a person and his/her parent?
Engaged in sexual activities, necking, or petting with a person and his/her sibling?
Been involved in a gang bang, where several men (at least three) mount one woman?
Been involved in a reverse gang bang, where several women (at least three) mount one man? (Check it off and then email me, all right? You lucky bastard.)
Been in a 69 circle?
Been to an oil party (cooking, baby, Wesson)?
Participated in a heterosexual orgy or been involved in group sex? (Four people or more; partners must be exchanged.)
Participated in a bisexual orgy or group sex? (Four people or more; partners must be exchanged.)
Participated in a fuck-a-thon?
Used anal beads? (They come as a set of several balls strung together. These balls are inserted into the rectum of one of the participants before sex, and are yanked out, usually by the partner, during orgasm.)
Videotaped someone in a compromising position without their awareness (i.e., total voyeurism)?
Taken out a swingers' ad?
...And had it answered with a face-to-face meeting that led to sex?
Been to a swingers' club?
Gone to a weekend "lifestyle" retreat?
Stayed at home while your Significant Other was out having sex with someone else, and you both knew about it and were okay with it?
...More than once?
...More than five times?
...And been excited by it?
...And went for the sloppy seconds?
Practiced polyamory?
Lived in a polyamorous household?
Inserted a live animal in your rectum?
Ever bought at least $20 worth of sex toys?
Bought at least $100 worth of sex toys?
Bought at least $250 worth of sex toys?
Do you have a dungeon in your basement?
Do you have a standard safe word you use for B&D play? (Making one up now does not count.)
Had someone ignore your safe word?
Been blindfolded for any activity other than "Pin the Tail on the Donkey"?
Ever been tied up by the hands?
Been tied up by the hands and feet?
Been forced to perform oral sex while bound?
Had oral sex performed on you while bound?
Penetrated someone or been penetrated while bound?
Been sodomized while bound?
Used a strap-on or had one used on you?
Been strapped to a bed and left alone for any significant period of time?
Been bound to a wall?
Been bound on the cross?
Been bound to any object not mentioned here already for the purposes of sex?
Been whipped or spanked?
Been whipped or spanked so hard that you had marks the next day?
...and showed those marks proudly to someone who was not involved in the whipping/spanking?
Whipped or spank someone?
Used hot wax?
Been shown off in public as a slave, or shown someone off in public as a slave? (With the proper acoutrement)
Pierced your ear?
Pierced your ear more than once?
Pierced your ear through the cartilage?
Opened up any piercing with a wider gauge?
Pierced your nose?
Pierced your eyebrow?
Pierced your nipple?
Pierced your genitals?
...More than once?
Pierced your bellybutton?
Pierced your tongue?
Pierced your tongue for the sole reason that you heard it made oral sex better?
Sucked a pierced nipple?
Kissed someone with a pierced tongue?
Gone down on someone who had pierced genitals?
Gotten a tattoo?
...of something erotic?
Been involved in a bukkake shower (where the one person induces several men to come in some container, and pours/drinks the semen over his or her face?)
Had your stomach pumped in order to remove semen?
willingly urinated on the garments that you were wearing?
Willingly urinated on any part of your body?
Willingly defecated on yourself?
Been fisted or fisted someone?

Inner Peace

I am posting this because it has definitely worked for
me. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have
finally found inner peace........ It reads: "The way to achieve inner
peace is to finish all the things you've started."

I looked around to see all the things I started and hadn't finished.

So, today I have finished one bottle of white wine, a bottle of
red wine, a bottle of Baileys, my Celexa, a large box of chocolates
and a quart of beer. You have no idea how good I feel.

You may post this if you feel in need of Inner Peace

Happy Holidaze.

Monday, December 06, 2004

True Freaky Tales of a Slutty, Dirty Whore

Slut Tales
Nothing like a good slutty post to detract from my previous crazy and depressed rantings. They always say, crazy girls are good in bed. I find sex to be the BEST anti-depressant in the world. I LOVE SEX, and I can go for hours. I especially love porn/sex-athons, where my lover and I will spend all day watching porn and having sex. I think the most times I have had sex in one day is 11. When Im in a relationship, I like to have sex at least 3 times a day. I guess Im somewhat of a nymphomaniac.

Sexin the World
My last boyfriend was so obsessed and consumed with my love of sex, he became a crazy jealous psycho. He assumed that since I loved sex so much, I must be having sex with the world. The truth is, Im very monogomous. I don’t believe in lying, and if I want to fuck someone else while in a commited relationship, I will just be honest and say so. What good does lying and sneaking around do?

I heart Sex….and Hard Cocks!
I love oral sex, I love anal sex, I love sex toys, Im multi orgasmic, and I LOVE TO PLEASE. I love the taste and feel of a hard cock. Masturbation is great, but the feel of a hard cock is the best treat on earth. I love the salty taste of cum, I love when guys cum in my mouth, on my tits, in my face. I just fucking LOVE IT ALL.

Here are some quizes, for some Monday Fun.

How Porn are you?

Vader scored 150%
sex god/goddess


Here is another quiz I got from Chaz who got it from avatar

1. Copy this whole list into your journal/blog.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold is false.

PART I

01. I've had sex in the past five minutes.
02. I enjoy oral sex.
03. I scream loudly during sex.
04. I love sleeping with more than two people.
05. I own at least two books about sex.
06. I've peeked into the locker room of the opposite sex.
07. I have taken money for sex.
08. I've had sex while under the influence of a controlled substance. (several)
09. I've been in porn movies. (home ones)
10. I have been the odd person in a threesome.
11. I have published the sexual exploits of a past relationship without telling my ex.
12. I have lied to a lover about having an affair.
13. I have more than ten tattoos.
14. I like and Respect Jenna Jameson.
15. I like slow sex.
16. I have learned a lot sexually over the past year.
17. I have a sexual fantasy about another blogger.
18. I've been told I'm a great lover.
19. I carry a condom at all times.
20. I'm interested in trying suspension.
21. I've broken a bone while having sex.
22. I have had a wet dream that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I have had sex in the rain.
24. I have had sex while someone else watched.
25. I would get plastic surgery if it would improve my sex life.
26. I want to fuck right now! (always)
27. I like to play with food.
28. I like sex that's hard and fast. ALWAYS
29. I always brush my teeth after sex.
30. I shave my pubic hair.
31. I have traveled out of town to have sex.
32. I have fantasized about having sex with my brother-/sister-in-law. (ew.)
33. I have had sex with a person from a country other than my own.
34. I dress to look sexy every day.
35. I have had sex with twins.
36. I have had sex with someone I met over the internet. (who hasn't?)
37. I have more than ten sex toys.
38. I like the way I look naked.
39. I have lied to get a person to have sex with me.
40. I change from one sex position to another in a specific order each time.
41. I saw my parents having sex.
42. I get cable just for the soft porn. (SPICE CHANNEL SUXS)
43. I think legalized prostitution can reduce some crime.
44. I have a list of people I would like to see naked.
45. I am regularly tested for STDs.
46. I am one kinky bitch.
47. I'm always hungry after sex.
48. I enjoy phone sex.
49. I have been arrested for being naked in public.
50. I have had sloppy drunk sex with a stranger.

PART II

1. I have, either currently or in the past, gone over a year without sex. (Does under 17 count?)
2. I have a partially used tube of KY Jelly close to my bed.
3. I sometimes buy clothes specifically to turn people on. (corsets, high heels, fishnets, you name it)
4. I sleep with my socks on.
5. I have gotten someone drunk on purpose.
6. I set aside some time (almost) each day to surf porn online.
7. There are nude pictures of me somewhere on the Internet.
8. My family would FREAK if they read this list.
9. I can orgasm on command.
10. I have had sex standing up.
11. I have leather in my closet and I'm not afraid to wear it.
12. Given the opportunity, I would have sex with a porn star.
13. I know someone who needs a copy of "Sex for Dummies."
14. There is at least one extended family member (cousin, aunt, etc.) I would jump if we weren't related. (ew.)
15. I think hose are sexy.
16. I think limited nudity should be allowed on television after 10:00 at night.
17. I like ribbed condoms.
18. I am pierced somewhere other than my ears or navel.
19. I have had sex in the shower.
20. My parents caught me having sex.
21. My child(ren) caught me masturbating.
22. Watching other people have sex turns me on.
23. I own more than ten porn tapes/DVDs.
24. I have used a vegetable as a sex toy.
25. I enjoy reading erotic literature.
26. I can get wet/hard just by the sound of someone's voice.
27. I have used a sex swing.
28. I have employed the services of a professional sex worker.
29. I have a membership on at least one adult pay site.
30. I would give up another habit (smoking, drinking, over-eating) if it meant having more sex. (in a heartbeat)
31. I would consider hiring someone to teach me about the finer points of sex.
32. Given the opportunity, I would appear in an adult magazine.
33. I think reality TV should show who's having sex with whom.
34. I get wet/hard just walking into a Victoria's Secret store.
35. I keep a "Top 5" list of famous people I would like to fuck. (Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Rose McGowan, Slim Shady, Jude Law)
36. I have participated in an orgy. (does a threesome count?)
37. My current sex life is beyond boring.
38. I am actively looking for a new sex partner.
39. I do NOT think having sex always means making a long-term commitment.
40. I have at least one sex toy made of glass.
41. I think anti-pornography laws are too restrictive. (fuck you and your dildo-free ilk, Jerry Falwell)
42. People would be surprised if they knew how often I think about sex.
43. I think 16 is a good age to begin having sex.
44. I have special names for my sex organs.
45. I have used sex to get what I want.
46. I think the world would be a better place if people had sex more often. (make love, not war)
47. I think some public nudity should be legal. (encouraged, even)
48. I have at least one sex toy that is purple.
49. I think a blogger orgy would be ... interesting.
50. Just reading this list makes me horny

Happy Horney MONDAY!

Later Dayz and Better Layz

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