"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Friday, September 17, 2004

What the HELL Have I Gotten Myself Into? Sociology of Blogging 101

I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.-Groucho Marx

The Beautiful People
I consider myself to be a little different than most. A crazy, odd, weird chick, super freak, who lives life her own way. Though I have always had a lot of friends, and I’m quite the social butterfly, popularity and cliques turn me off. I have this Marilyn Manson-ish loathing of those who try too hard. Cliques creep me out in a junior high school way, and Ive always been the type of girl who mixes between groups, never sticking to one. I find social confines restrictive of my Leonard Skinnard free bird spirit. Small groups are more appealing, and if it’s a large party full of people, I tend to hide in a back room or small corner with a small entourage and engage in some sort of intellectual discussion. I’m not one for wanting attention, though I live to make a statement. “Great Gatsby gilded” ones turn me off, and I instead attract to odd quirky types.
Alas, that is just me.

Fighting Writers Block and Finding Inspiration
Blogging has been cheap therapy for me. I started blogging after discovering a blog written by an up and coming writer. I needed to join blogger to make a comment so I did. Then I thought, hey this would be a great way for me to get into the daily writing habit. I have various book projects in the works that hit a dead halt for a few years. One is on the crazy life of a marijuana activist, another is on marijuana witchcraft (its not a novel its more like a guide), another is a collection of narratives from various guerrilla growers I interviewed over the years, another is true tales of trashy navy wives, and then I want to compile a book of poetry. These book projects eat away on my mind like parasites, as I hadn’t been able to actually sit down and write for quite a long time. Then I started blogging and my creative inspiration came alive. It feels so good to write again. Even though blogging is unedited verbal spew, it still feels great to create.

Blog Hugs
Through blogging I have got to know other talented writers and bloggers. This support network amazes, energizes, and inspires me. It’s hard sometimes to keep up on all the daily posts online. Then there are the party blogs, where regulars chat the workday away. Sometimes I will partake in a little party time. But, alas, I’m more comfortable hiding in my cave, especially when I’m having a poetic artsy grrrl moment. Which lately has been quite frequently. I will try to visit each of my links and say hello, just because I know how important it is to be supported and recognized. Comments on a blog can be a blessing and a curse. I’ve thought of getting rid of mine and just having up my rants. But, then I figure comments add another dimension to my posts so I keep them up. To be quite truthful, I’m surprised anyone finds my rantings interesting enough to read anyway.

Why do We Do It?
I find the sociology of blogging to be quite entertaining. Some blog to make friends and connections and to be an accepted part of a community. Others blog to drop knowledge, make political statements, and generally let out some emotional rants. Many of us blog because we are writers, and blogging provides the empty canvas to express this passion. Blogging definitely serves as new and uncharted phenomenon. Much like a voyage on the USS Enterprise…. “To boldly go where no man has gone before.”

Anyway, thanks for reading my rants here and sharing the roller coaster ride of my so called life. More crazy ass adventures to come.

LMFAO. Here are some of my referrals from search engines. I think these topics about sum up my blog.

mormon sluts (Yahoo)

bremelo (Yahoo)

cock ring cuffs gag collar boy-toy (Google)

A night in Paris featuring Paris Hilton (Google)

cooter pictures tattoo (Yahoo)

damones 5 point plan (Google)

disrespecting gang signs crip (Google)

bitch manifesto (Google)

ricardo roarke (Google)

fast times at ridgemont high and quotes and Mr. Hand (Google)

fitlhy passion (Google)

gutter punks on telegraph ave (Google)

Sylvia Plath and I am afraid, I am not solid, but hollow (Google)

tibbs bettie page photo (Yahoo)

tenny bopper tits.com (Yahoo)

how to give fellatio to an uncircumcised penis (google)

generra sweatshirt (Yahoo)

eyes wide shut party (Google)

monofocal sex magick (Netscape)

tom lykus home page (Google)

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Purple haze all in my brain Lately things just don’t seem the same Actin’ funny, but I don’t know why ’scuse me while I kiss the sky


ANOTHER WARNING: This post speaks about adult content pertaining to marijuana as medicine.
Post is dedicated to Peter McWilliams
Tribute site

After reading a compassionate and interesting piece written about a bust by this guy, it got me thinking about marijuana. A beautiful and God given plant that provides relief to so many who use it as medicine. Cannabis is a medicinal herb used for thousands of years for its amazing healing properties.

California Love
Like grapes in the making of wine, or hops, cannabis strains can be cultivated into fine works of art. Sensual to taste, with genetically different effects, these strains work magic on patients with various illnesses. I lived in California after Proposition 215 passed. We were able to create compassionate centers and support networks where patients could receive organic and high quality cannabis with safe access. Safe accesses being the key word. Instead of going to the park thug, or scout some other seedy source, patients can patronage a medical cannabis cooperative. These organizations run in accordance with state law and city guidelines, and exclusively serve patients certified under the state law.

Freedom from Migraine
Since I was a small child, I experienced excruciating, Linda-Blair-exorcist puking migraines. Cat scans and doctors visits found no cause or cure. Prescribed prescription drugs, I began difficult medical battle. I tried every migraine medicine in the book , nothing really ever helped. I didn’t smoke pot recreationally as an adult until I got to Berkeley. Kinda had to have that experience. Someone suggested that I try marijuana when I have a migraine attack. The next time I woke up with my head in a vice ass curling pain, I grabbed a bong and took a toke. Guess what? It provided some relief. I was able to lie down and sleep, and the nausea and vomiting stopped. So, I started using marijuana medicinally, and it was actually helping. Further it seemed as if I experienced medicinal relief from other ailments too such as menstrual cramps and backache. My sister introduced me to this book, and I learned all sorts of great things. I fell in love….. in love with cannabis.

Welcome to Paradise
Always honest with my doctors, I obtained a note of medical necessity or physicians statement and joined the Oakland Cannabis Cooperative. At that time, the Oakland Cannabis Buyers Cooperative had a dispensary. Due to a federal case, it is no longer operational. But when it was it was fabulous. The cooperative was run like a medical dispensary, with different strains of medicine lit up like magic behind a glass case. You could purchase cookies, hash oil, and up to 10 different types of cannabis. There was also a room with clones, for patients who wanted to grow themselves. I learned to love and appreciate flavors and tastes of differing strains. Some of my favorites include white widow, bluberry kush, bubbleberry, alaska thunder fuck, and night train,. I like the fruity flavors vs. the nuttier smooth one of the other strains. But then all is good to me…. As long as it’s high quality.

Compassion for the sick and dying
For me personally, marijuana helped me survive years of horrible migraines. I don’t get them really anymore, knock on wood, perhaps the cannabis saved me. Or possibly hormones in my body just changed. But I have met patients who cannabis has kept alive, and or aided in their dying process. When you have cancer, radiation makes you nauseous and sick and you can die from wasting away. Marijuana is effective medicine for treating wasting away syndrome. AIDS is another illness that is effectively aided by cannabis. The cocktail pills taken by many AIDS patients makes them so nauseous that they choke on their vomit. Marijuana aids these patients and helps them eat and live. These patients rely on marijuana to live and they and their caretakers deserve safe access. It’s compassionate and it’s humane.

Oh How Does Your Garden Grow?
Farmers who grow for the pure science and medicinal aspects are true freedom fighters. When cannabis is being used as medicine for sick and dying patients quality becomes vital. Organic, pesticides free, high quality, good tasting… safe. There is definitely a war against growers in the US. If you really want to grow, move to Amsterdam. I don’t recommend growing in our country unless you are somehow protected under the law. With forfeiture laws and mandatory minimum sentences, it’s just not worth it. I’m saddened about this because it means patients must go with out medicine that helps them in while in serious need.

Don’t try this at home kids
I don’t think kids should smoke marijuana. I don’t think they should be having sex, drinking beer, or driving around in fast cars. Parents really should not smoke pot in front of kids, it’s disrespectful of the family environment. There are some exceptions to this rule, like if grandma is dying of cancer and in pain, kids can see this type of humane medicine and then be educated about it. Just Say Know.

Medical Marijuana Prisoners
The link to prisoners makes me sad. Roy is a friend of mine. He is an amazing person with a loving family. He grew marijuana for medicinal quality and healing effect. He only grew for California patients and cannabis cooperatives. He has been a good friend to me, and my heart is broken that he is behind bars. Especially for growing medicine that was helping sick and dying patients.

Roy Lee Sharpnack
Federal Correctional Institution #12618-097
3600 Guard Road
Lompoc, CA 93436

From OCBS site “Roy Sharpnack sentenced, at age 55, to 57 months for helping cultivate Almost a Thousand plants for a prospective dispensary in El Dorado County. His wife, Sharon, says he testified proudly to the grand jury about growing marijuana for medicine. Sharpnack has been denied Marinol in prison, leaving him at risk of life-threatening seizures from Meniere's disease”

Vaporize ME!
A safe way for patients to medicinally use cannabis is vaporization.

From CANORML Vaporization is a technique for avoiding irritating respiratory toxins in marijuana smoke by heating cannabis to a temperature where the psychoactive ingredients evaporate without causing combustion.”

I met this guy on my return flight from Amsterdam
I was Sent to Amsterdam to coordinate a “Goddess Cup” by these guys . But that is a story for later.

statement of safe cannabis use

more principles of responsible use

criteria for medical admissions

Medical Marijuana Research

Principles of Responsible Cannabis Use

Proposition 215 info

Proposition 215 was approved by California voters on November 5, 1996 and went into effect on November 6, 1996

SECTION 1. Section 11362.5 is added to the Health and Safety Code, to read: 11362.5. (a) This section shall be known and may be cited as the Compassionate Use Act of 1996. (b) (l) The people of the State of California hereby find and declare that the purposes of the Compassionate Use Act of 1996 are as follows: (A) To ensure that seriously ill Californians have the right to obtain and use marijuana for medical purposes where that medical use is deemed appropriate and has been recommended by a physician who has determined that the person's health would benefit from the use of marijuana in the treatment of cancer, anorexia, AIDS, chronic pain, spasticity, glaucoma, arthritis, migraine, or any other illness for which marijuana provides relief. (B) To ensure that patients and their primary caregivers who obtain and use marijuana for medical purposes upon the recommendation of a physician are not subject to criminal prosecution or sanction. (C) To encourage the federal and state governments to implement a plan to provide for the safe and affordable distribution of marijuana to all patients in medical need of marijuana

Oakland Cannabis Buyers Cooperative
We're a not-for-profit cooperative
supporting patients who benefit from medical cannabis.

From OCBC site, about OCBC case.

The Supreme Court ruled May, 2001 that
we may not resume dispensing cannabis to our patient-members.

OCBC case from their website
May, 2002, OCBC welcomes Judge Breyer's order as an opportunity, at last, to present its arguments to the Court of Appeals.

May, 2002, California's Supreme Court affirms that H&S 11365.2 provides patients limited immunity from prosecution,
and grounds for affirmative medical defense.
The Supreme Court ruled May, 2001 that
we may not resume dispensing cannabis to our patient-members.

May, 2002, OCBC welcomes Judge Breyer's order as an opportunity, at last, to present its arguments to the Court of Appeals.

May, 2002, California's Supreme Court affirms that H&S 11365.2 provides patients limited immunity from prosecution,
and grounds for affirmative medical defense

My statement was used in this case that went before the United States Supreme Court.
(warning this contains personal information about me, proceed with caution and respect… thank you. )

And thats all she wrote tonight.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Blue and Yellow Purple Pills

I take a couple uppers
I down a couple downers
But nothing compares
To these blue and yellow purple pills
I been to mushroom mountain
Once or twice but who's countin'
But nothing compares
To these blue and yellow purple pills


I evaluated Vadergrrrl today and find that she experiences Recurrent Major Depressive Episodes. She has had more difficulty with depression again since last fall, and was severely depressed this past month due to some changes in her life. Part of her depressive syndrome is hyersomnia. As might be expected, she has had difficulty getting up and getting into work. She will be taking antidepressant medication, which should take effect in 4-6 weeks, but please keep her illness in mind when considering work attendance.

Dr. Psychiatrist

Chug-a-lug-pooo bear
Ahhhhhh sigh. True to life, I| must now ingest again happy pills. I want to live all hippie and drug free, but wonder if I can do it. I know exercise and diet help, and I wish I could get to that point where I could emulate that Wrigleys chewing gum smile lifestyle, but I’m definitely not there…. At least not today. When I get really down I can’t even get up in the morning, much less worry about anything else. Politically, I’m so against taking pharmaceuticals, and I so fear the Prozac nation we have become. But alas, Vader is going to submit to the drugs once again.

My Shrink Says So!
Having a diagnosis from a shrink definitely validates a few things for me. First I have professional backing that I’m suffering from depression and not some other designer “label”. Further, it validates my “problem” with getting up in the morning, (offering a copout), and serves as a kick in the ass, for me to realize and quit being a loser, and get my ass out of bed and deal with life. *sigh*

Good things about taking meds.
1. I will not drink alcohol anymore, or do anything else that would mix with the drugs. (too scared to do that to my body… eeek)
2. Maybe I will quit smoking. If I’m gonna put pharmaceutical stuff in my body, that may as well be the worst thing. Maybe I will go natural and be healthy in other ways?
3. These pills may help me get up in the morning
4. I’m like cool man, everybody is on them.
5. Okay I’m done with this list… rrrrr

Excercise, Diet, and Yoga..... oh i wish i could!
Dealing with depression sucks, but dealing with life, now that is the true art to master. Crazy ass artist types like myself have all sorts of weird neurosis. Eclectic bunch of freaks we are! I so admire those who can conquer their demons the natural way, through exercise, positive thinking, and diet. One day I plan to be there, but for today, and for a bit… I will indulge my pharmacist with business.

Wa-Wa Depression Grrrl
The funny thing about being depressed is that it kinda serves as an excuse. You have an excuse not to care, not to deal with things, not to be an adult. (Steve Bushemi and his world’s smallest violins play) “waaaaaaaa I’m depressed, I cant do anything.” Depression makes you selfish and totally absorbed in your life within the glass jar. Every little tension, contact, bill becomes added pressure to your spiraled siphon of dread. It’s a demon, however, I know I can fight. I guess I’ll just let the pills help me through this small part here. I shall surrender to the brain numbing zombie world.

Join the drug fun and one day Rule the World
I hope just these new meds won’t stop me from writing or being creative. Ah how pain inspires great print! Hopefully, they will just help me get off my ass and deal with life. Perhaps now, I can stop making excuses, take the world by the horns, and rule and conquer the world….

“Every so often, I find myself with the urge to make sure people know that I am not just on Prozac but on lithium too, that I am a real sicko, a depressive of a much higher order than all these happy-pill poppers with their low-level sorrow. Or else I feel compelled to remind people that I've been on Prozac since the F.D.A. first approved it, that I've been taking it longer than anyone else on earth...
-"Prozac Nation," Elizabeth Wurtzel

“I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible..."

-"Prozac Nation," Elizabeth Wurtzel


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