"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Saturday, July 24, 2004

Light a candle, meditate.... time for a blogger healing

I want to take this time to send some positive energy and healing to all my friends in bloggerland. Life is a strange journey, and we all have crossed paths for a reason. Whatever spiritual belief system you hold, its important to have faith and have a sense for healing.

Meditative Healing
I’m going to share with you all one of my favorite meditations.
1. ground you body. Do this by planting your feet flat on the ground, and feeling your connection to the earth.
2. Take deep healing breaths
3. Visualize a white light surrounding your body clockwise, protecting you from harm, and surrounding you with love.
4. Let this white light penetrate your body, and go up through all your chakras and out through the top of your head. Releasing any negative energy and filling your body, heart and soul with positive white light.

Here are some inspirational quotes, from some great minds.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." - Eleanor Roosevelt
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma Gandhi

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Albert Einstein
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
Mark Twain

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
Lao Tzu

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
Mahatma Gandhi

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King
 My dad always used to say, "If you're falling off a cliff, you may as well try to fly. You have nothing to lose."
Captain John Sheridan, Babylon 5
I never came upon any of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking.
Albert Einstein

The Force both obeys and commands. Yoda, Star Wars
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

Tarot Healing
I myself believe in the power of tarot. I have a few tarot decks, from the traditional Rider series, to my favorite, "the Faires and Oracles" deck illustrated by Brian Froud.
Here is a description:

The Faeries' Oracle is a lovely, well put together book; whether it is a good tool for predicting the future, giving one insight into oneself, or aiding in decision-making must be determined by each individual. The deck consists of sixty-five cards plus a blank card to draw in one's own faery mentor. This is intended to "personalize and attune" the cards to one's particular "energy".

Im going to take out my tarot deck, meditate on the blogger family, and see what card comes up.

The Glanconer
Illusion. Delusion. Lust. Projection. Clear Sight
Have you ever noticed that when we really, really want someone or something, we tend to see it without clarity? The object of our lust looks flawless and glamorous, which should tell us something right away. But, usually, it doesn’t.
He says his name is Smooth Harry, but that may be a little illusion of his own. The Glanconer doesn’t change his shape to temp us with our own mental confusions and paradoxes. He simply wear a mirror in which we see our desires temptingly displayed. He does not try to fool us, he simply allows us to fool ourselves. Well, he may try a little, just to make the test look difficult. After all, we can be more proud of passing a difficult test than an easy one, cant we?
Smooth Harry also appeals to our vanity – and the more we have of it, the easier his work is. A little flattery and we’ll believe whatever he wants us to swallow – especially since it is just what we want to swallow anyway. Of all the faery challengers, Smooth Harry is the most likely to be sly. He practices a sort of emotional judo where he lets our own desires lead us into a fall. As we rush headlong toward our vision of perfection, he need only step to one side as we cast ourselves at him – and we go down. Not fun, but perhaps we might just learn something from it.

It is not good to make decisions when blinded by lust. Whether it is lust for a person, a thing, or an idea, we need to pause and take our time before making actual commitments. We need to read the fine point, check the foundations, get a mechanic to test the so-beautiful second hand car. If we are considering buying something, we can refuse to let ourselves be rushed into it and take time to make sure it is really what we think it is. If we are considering making a commitment to other people, we need to take our time and really get to know them better. The other lesson in seeing the truth behind a beglamoured surface, though in this case it is we who have cast the glamour.

Take that what you want to. I think I know what it means for me.
Now I’m going to meditate on my Rider deck and pull a card.

Queen of Cups (Reversed)
Beautiful, fair, dreamy – as one who sees vision in a cup.
The accounts vary, good woman, otherwise distinguished woman but not one to be trusted, perverse woman, vice dishonor, depravity.

Eeks don’t like the sound of that one, but the cards don’t lie… this is what I got.

Interesting tarot facts
The Tarot (or Tarot Card Deck) consists of 78 cards, which have been used for fortune telling for centuries. There is much controversy as to the official history of the tarot. Some say a medieval version of the cards dates back to the early 1400s. Because of the Italian-looking imagery found in the cards, some say they have an Italian origin. Others say the cards came from China or Egypt. And of course the Gypsies, long associated with the art of fortune telling, are said to have had a hand in the creation, if not the popularity of the cards. The mystery is further stirred when the correspondence of the cards with Cabbalistic or Kabalistic philosophy is considered. Although agreement of the history and origin of the cards is not to be found, it can be agreed that the tarot is a very popular mysterious oracle.

Aleister Crowley, too, founded his own occult school, the Ordo Templi Orientis, which had to do, among other things, sex magic. Working with Freida Harris, he created the colorful Book of Thoth Tarot. He considered identifying with each card more important than trying to guess about origins.

The tarot deck is comprised of 78 cards: 22 major arcana and 56 minor arcana. The 22 major arcana cards are supposed to depict a journey through one's life, which originates with the Fool card and ends with a card called The World. Although mystics have called this the road through life, some clergy have said the cards were the road to hell and the devil. The Devil is a card in the major arcane, but it depicts enslavement, addiction and misdirection rather than Satan. Another widely misunderstood card is the famous Death card, which does not mean death of the physical body, but merely change and transformation of some kind. The fool card is the predecessor of the Joker cards we discard before shuffling most decks for a game. 

 The Magician
You are the Magician card. Magick is the use of the
will to effect change in reality. The will is
the ability to direct knowledge and experience
towards an end goal. The Magician is capable of
manipulating his environment because he knows
it so well. He effects the thoughts and
emotions of those around him. Therefore, the
Magician is often thought of as an artist,
writing or speaking in a way that strongly
influences others. The Magician understands how
to bring concepts into form and how to express
metaphysical concepts in a physical way. He is
seen with the symbols of each suit: a disk, a
cup, a sword and a wand. These symbols are each
a physical expression of a concept. They are
The Magician's tools. Following after The Fool,
The Magician acts as a messenger. His planet is
Mercury, who is Messenger of the Gods. He
brings The Fool into the new world that The
Fool seeks. The Magician represents the act of
creation. Because he can use his knowledge to
form something new, he seems to be able to make
a thing appear out of a void. Image from: L. S.

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Here is a big healing hug for you all.
Especially  you Johnny5,

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Thursday, July 22, 2004

Learning from Paris and Pamela… How to do home porn…. Rules, tips, ideas and experiences.

We have all seen or heard about the now infamous Pamela and Tommy Lee Porn and the recent A Night in Paris home movie (featuring Paris Hilton). These very publicized videos provide an inside look into the art of home porn. Definitely, there are rules one must follow when making home movies, and or taking explicit photographs. Following certain guidelines and rules can make this experience worthwhile, as it can provide hours of orgasmic fun in the making and in the viewing.
I tried to find articles about this on the web, but was unable to find anything. So, I will have to resort to using my own past experience and creative imagination. Enjoy.

1. Trust. When making or thinking about making a home porno or X-rated pictures make sure you are engaging in this with someone you trust. It should be someone you have a committed relationship with, and it should be something you have discussed and agreed upon. Don’t ever do this with a casual sex partner, or one nightstand!

2.  Use sound judgement. Just like entering a contract, making porn, or taking porn pics is a permanent record of your sexuality. Make sure you are of sound mind when you agree to it. You can get drunk while in preparation for it, but make sure you are lucid and certain upon deciding to do it. Guys, don’t ever break out the video camera on some drunk girl. This is a definite violation, and is totally wrong. Both parties should consent that this is something okay, and that they are comfortable about engaging in.

3. Learn from the pros. Watch a porno that you like, for tips, suggestions, styles and sex techniques. I always recommend something by Nina Hartley or jenna jameson. Find a porn star who is in sexual control, loves her body, loves herself, and emulate her.

4. Get into character mode. Give yourself a porn name (name of first pet + mother’s maiden name or first street) or make something up. In your home movie you will not be you, but instead you are this sassy and sexual porn entity. My porn name is Muffin Skold, and when Muffin comes out….let the show begin! Always stay in character. Pretend you are this slutty, dirty porn star, and act like one.

5. Use fantasy and imagination. Dress up in bondage gear, sexy lingerie, fishnet stalkings, high heels, make up, bright red lipstick, and tacky bright red fingernail polish. You are creating a fantasy here, in the erotic world of porn land. Doll yourself up to the nines. Guys really only have to be nekkid, but a nice cowboy hat or fancy cock ring, can also do wonders…. lol

6. The camera man. Use the combo of tripod and hand held shots. I have done porn with just the tripod, and that gets boring after a while. Hand held shots work best, because then you can really get the close ups and the money shots…. Ie the cum shot. If you have a friend you want to invite into your nasty sex world, perhaps they would be the cameramen. Most men would object to a male friend seeing you in slut mode, but wouldn’t care if your sleazy bi-sexual friend did the work. This however, is tricky, because it opens the door to jealousy and other issues. So its probably best to keep the film shot by tripod and hand held shots.

7. No harry ass shots. Most men do not like to see their hairy bum in action. When using the tripod angle the camera to the side of the bed, floor, kitchen table or wherever. So what you are seeing on film is the side view, and not a full on ass shot. The opposite of course is true for women. Men want to see the ass shot, full on hard-core style. The man holding the camera, and the woman getting on top with her head facing his feet can best achieve this. You can get some great ass and penetration shots this way.

8. Love your body. If you have body issues, where lingerie that hides what you want hidden, but also reveals the essential of porn (t&a). Also, if your really shy, and don’t want your face in there, purchase an elegant ball room mask, or something like they wore in the Kubric film "Eyes Wide Shut".

9. Keep the lights on bright. Your home movie will not come out well in candlelight, soft lighting, or in the dark. You need to have full lighting to really see the hardcore action.

10. Talk in character. While you are in slutty character mode, it is essential that you talk like that. Say things like, "put it in my ass big boy!" or "oh…. Your cock is so big"…"My pussy is so wet" etc, etc.

11. The cum shot is money. Never cum inside your woman, this act is the money shot, and must be caught on film. One of the best parts of Tommy Lee’s home porn was his money shot. Remember in "Boogie Nights" when Dirk Diggler cums inside Amber Waves, and they have to shoot it again? The cum shot is the grand finale of any porn and hence needs to be filmed in all its orgasmic, and volcanic glory.

12. Go hog wild. Do things in your film you would normally never do. While filming a shot of you riding on top and him holding the camera, you must play with yourself while screaming in ecstasy and making dirty whore comments. "yeah you like that big boy….mmmmmmmmm". Masturbating during sex is a must. So is anal sex. Even if your not into anal sex, you should always include one close up penetration shot for the sake of the film. Anal sex is also money when it comes to porn.

13. Oral sex scenes. Most guys don’t want their face in there besides when they are performing cunnilingus. And even then it should be buried, and not exposed much, except for some glistening, wet mouth shots. Women on the other hand, need to dedicate a lot of porn time to the cock. Guys may have issue with size, so make sure you hold it in an angle that makes it look really big. Also gaze into the camera and take his cock into your mouth nice and slow. You must also say things like "mmmm your so big" and then deep throat him. Try to visualize your porn mentor and her technique as you are doing this. These kind of shots are very important to the man. This is also one of the favorite positions for Polaroid shots. A pretty girl with a big cock in her mouth. Very, popular indeed.

14. Keep your porn in a safe place. I think the girl should keep the porn, because she is less likely to show her friends. I would not trust a guy with roommates, because inevitable they will get drunk and want to be studs and show off. A shared safety deposit box is another good idea. Or you could agree to destroy it in a determined time frame. You never want to leave porn with an ex after a break up.

Well, that is all the home porn tips vadergrrrl can think of at the moment. This post of course is dedicated to Johnny Walker the Nightwalker, whose sexual stories continue to arouse and inspire.

This post is also dedicated to my new military friends serving overseas. Maybe once I retrieve my home porn from my ex boyfriend, I will send it to the troops in Iraq for their own moral boost. Lol
I do encourage you all to check out their blogs. They are quite amazing. Please don’t leave any sexual type comments though. Though I support cybersexin the troops, I also think this kind of talk should be reserved for IM.

To end things on a comical note……..
PS. I found this site that I thought was hysterical that you have to check out.
Its called Masturbate For Peace
Using Self Love to End Conflict
This site is so friggin cheasy it is hysterical.
Here is some of the humorous content:

The Power of Masturbation
There's no greater antidote for war than love. Feelings of hatred and distrust form the necessary basis of armed confrontation. Replace those negative feelings with love and you're halfway towards resolution of any conflict.
However, any real love must start from within. You can't love others without loving yourself first. And, of course, masturbation is the greatest expression of self-love. So it's natural that we, the citizens of the world, are joining together to masturbate for peace.
As we begin with this act of self-love, we encourage others to do the same, to take pleasure in life and to share masturbation's positive energy with a world in need.

pull down your zip and throw out your trout,
using thine mit thrash it about,
love your root with vicious precision,
to empty your sack must be your mission.i
f you cant love yourself you cant love another,
so grasp your womb weasel and think of your lover,
pound it with force and pound it with speed,
pound it for peace that's what the world needs. - Knuckle Shuffler

Top 10 Reasons to Masturbate for Peace
10. It's too cold to go outside and demonstrate
9. If I go blind they can't draft me
8. The walls need painting white anyway
7. This is my weapon...this is my gun...this one's for shootin....oh, never mind.
6. If you want it done right you have to do it yourself
5. All the lube will give me a baby-soft dork
4. It may be the only "peace" I'll be getting for a while
3. If I use my left hand, it feels like someone else has joined my cause
2. What else am I going to do with the 80 GB of porn on my PC?
1. Because I can't give myself a peace blowjob


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Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Sex, Lies and Videotape

Gimme my shit… BIATCH!
After a breakup when does it become okay to get your shit back? Do you do it right away like an emotional psycho chick, or do you wait a while for things to cool down? Getting back personal items from an ex is always a problem after a breakup. Should you just say "fuck it" and forget about it? Or should you take some friend, or new boyfriend, over to help you reclaim what is yours?

The X
This is the dilemma I find myself in after my break up last march with X. Granted, I have things of his like his house key, car key, old high school id cards, and a couple of T-shirts. Minor possessions really, things that can be replaced, and/or locks that can be changed. He has never really asked for his things back, though I don’t want them, and I could really care less about having them.

Hardcore possessions
Now, it’s the shit of MINE that he has that really upsets me. If it was a T-shirt or some shoes, yeah, no big deal. But this X has some very, very personal items….. my porn collection, lingerie, panties, my bondage toys, my sex books and oh yeah some home videos we made accompanied by X-rated Polaroid’s. Now, what should someone do in this situation? Yes, X has blackmail material that he could post on the internet and show the world, he also has my favorite lingerie and my porn collection….. Damnit I want it all back!

Sex, lies and videotape
How does one approach this delicate situation? I’m at a total loss here. Should I go over and demand my personal items back? Should I hold him at fingernail point and demand that he burn all incriminating photos and videos? This is one of the reasons NOT to do home movies with someone, you think its all fun and sex at the time, and then when you break up, they have instant blackmail over you.

Amateur porn stars
These home movies are really bad too. We totally did the "lets make a home porn thang" I mean full on wild nasty sex, no holds bar sex…. Everything. Yep, Vader is on tape being the ultimate slut. I mean shit, it was fun at the time, there is nothing like being filmed as you are being a dirty whore, but shit, when you brake up with that person, what happens to the evidence? What is the appropriate etiquette for this?

What is the appropriate?
How do you politely and discreetly ask for those personal items? Part of me wants him to think I don’t give a damn, and I don’t really. But I would like my lingerie and panties back, and my sex toys, porn collection and most important the home movies. If anyone has ever experienced a situation like this before please let me know. I broke it off with X, and he is still pretty angry at me. I wanted to be friends, but he couldn’t handle that. He wanted, sex, sex and sex. I love sex, but I just didn’t want to do it with him anymore.
Any advice?

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Monday, July 19, 2004

Weekend Follies and partying in Seattle

Blog Drama
I first want to dedicate this post to my friend Jay.  I have learned a lot from him and I grow to love/hate him more and more everyday. 
Out of it today
I woke up today with swollen tonsils, and I feel rather blah.  Im overwhelmed here at work, so much to do, not sure which project to complete first.  I wont have time to blog today, but I will do a short post.
Bright Lights Big City
Needing a respite from my hometown, and my own drama, I decided to spend the night in Seattle on Saturday.  Seattle is a 60-minute ferry ride from my hometown.  I don’t go out to Seattle much, though I probably should.  My sister/best grrrl friend, It Grrrl, lives in Seattle, right downtown, about a few blocks from the Pike Place Market.  It Grrrl is single, never married and works as a bar tender for a hot spot bar in Seattle.  She also is going to school to be a yoga teacher and she is a painter (artist).  She always knows the cool shows and events happenings in Seattle.
As soon as I get off the ferry and start walking in downtown Seattle I start to notice the homeless, something I don’t see in my hometown.  I see two gutter punk kids playing chess with a homeless and hungry sign.  I see a woman sleeping next to a shopping cart, I see a shabbily dressed man peeing on the street.   As a sensitive Pisces, I’m always bothered by societal issues  such as homelessness.  It’s hard for me to tune it out.  When I was going to Berkeley, I was very burned out by this social issue.  Berkeley has one of the worst problems with homeless people I have ever seen.  Everyday I would walk down Telegraph Ave in Berkeley to get to class, and I would have to pass the endless lines of homeless.  California has aggressive pan handling laws, which mean, its legal for homeless to harass you.  On a typical day I would be walking to class, and some really soiled guy with no teeth would come up in my face and say “do you have any money?” and I would say no, and he would say “come on Im hungry, well fuck you then”.  You could not go anywhere without being harassed for money, and even sexually harassed.  There was also the teenage gutter punks who would harass you walking down the street, act generally like idiots, and then you would see them later that night drunk at the punk rock show.  I vividly remember one guy that disturbed me the most, he had fitlhy and fesces soiled pants, half a beard, shaved head spots from ringworm, etc,  and he would eat out of the trash cans on the Berkeley campus.  This would always gross me out, and I would be sitting down eating and he would walk right up to the trashcan, and eat.  I thought this was his plan, because immediately after he did that, I would loose my appetite and put the rest of my food in the trash.  I don’t mean to sound heartless, but I really was burned out of this by the time I graduated from Berkeley.  Living in Bremerton the last 4 years, I just do see homelessness like I used to.  This was the first thing I noticed about being in the City.
The Band and the $12 drink
It Grrrl and I went to a nightclub to watch some music.  It Grrrl says, “its one of my favorite bands you will like it”.  First of all, you pay $15 at the door to get in, then my jaw about hit the fucking floor when it cost me $12 for a double tall vodka redbull.  $12 for one drink….. I must be a hick from the sticks, but I still cant get over the price of one drink.  The bar is full of Seattle types, hipsters, girls with stringy hair and glasses, guys with hip cat struts and upscale clothes and shoes.  “The band” turns out to be some guy spinning records.  Maybe Im just an old time rock n roll grrrl, but to me a band consists of a drummer, bassist, guitarist and typically a singer.  I never realized a band could also be some dj spinning records and making up songs.  I guess Im just not hip with the times here.  The music was okay, I danced and had fun.
Party Favors
Another interesting thing about city life is the popularity of nose candy.  Everyone does it, and many sell it to support their habit and make some cash on the side.  Nose candy and club life seem to go hand in hand.  This really isn’t my scene, and I really feel like a small town grrrl because Im just not hip with that.  It kinda reminds me of the movie with Michael J. Fox, bright lights big city.
Happy Homecoming
I come home after a great night in Seattle the next afternoon.  After I get home, I decide to hang out with some of my townie friends for one drink.  Boy this was a mistake.  I get to the bar and they are all drunk and obnoxious.  Im sitting there, trying to spend time with my friend Rozie the Rivetor, and her company starts insulting all my friends.  In small towns everyone gossips, everyone talks shit, no one has anything nice to say about anyone behind their back.  I find this very depressing; I don’t understand why people have to be such backstabbing, jealous and ruthless.  This made me sad.  
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