"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Friday, June 04, 2004

Its FLASH Friday! Show me your Headlights!

Turn on your headlights baby and I’ll show you mine…. The theme for Leykis 101 followers for Flash Friday. Living in a military town, I have seen military vehicles driving in caravans and hanging flyers off the side that read “FLASH FRIDAY”! A former boyfriend of mine once chastised me for not supporting the cause. “Come on” he prodded “Its for OUR boys”. So what is that supposed to mean? Because OUR boys are fighting for our country I should FLASH them upon request? This is the same mentality as my friend Tammy having online sex with a GI in Iraq (who is married) because she says “Im doing it for the troups”. First of all, I think it would be kinda difficult to drive down the highway and flash someone your boobies while trying to drive a car. One would have to basically go topless down the street to achieve the desired effect. And second, I think I would have to have a good buzz going to be brave enough to expose myself in public, and that would not be too safe if I were driving.

For those of you unfamiliar with Leykis here is a link to his site. Tom


I also copied some information about Flash Friday from his website.

“”The Tom Leykis Show," syndicated from L.A. since 1994, has developed some trademark schticks as it has nurtured an audience. First there's "Flash Fridays," which has led female fans to "show" their appreciation for the program. "Strangely enough, it began as an homage to [radio raconteur] Jean Shepherd, who once asked people to flash their house lights to verify his late-night audience," says Leykis, who initiated Flash Fridays by asking listeners to turn on their headlights during the end-of-the-week program. And then came the displays, first on the road, then on-the-road. "During one of our stage shows there were ten arrests for nudity," he recalls. One stage-broadcast program took the form of a pub crawl: "By the time the cops got to one location, we'd moved!"

Let me clear the record, I have no problem with Flash Friday. Heck, if people want to endulge by all means, DO IT. I just fear the thought of driving down the road with my headlights on and some ugly ass FAT Bremelo flashin me something I REALLY don’t want to see. I also think it should go both ways, now can we say if I stick my car atenta up on Fridays it means I want to see your willy (not the bannana in your pocket but if you really LIKE me)? Hey that would be nice, but I could see it having a disasterous effect where I live. Mulletts with rednecks exposing themselves, well wait a second, that probably happens every day here….

HAPPY FLASH FRIDAY, and If anyone reading this sees me driving down the road, hey turn on your lights, I may SURPRISE YOU!
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Thursday, June 03, 2004

So whatcha, whatcha, whatcha want?!?!

Its great seeing the Beastie Boys coming out with a new album. (Notice Im dating myself here by using the term “album”, I guess I should embrace the new millenium and say “CD”). I have loved the Beastie Boys ever since I first heard them back in my high school days, fighting for my right to party. AdRock was my favorite, I thought he epitomized the cute skater-boy look. When I found out he was dating 80’s It girl Molly Ringwald I was so jealous…. How dare he, didn’t he know I was waiting to turn 18 and marry him?

I played the hell out of my Beastie Boys and Run DMC cassette tapes, memorizing the lyrics, and be-bopping around to the funky rhythms. When I discovered that Beastie Boys and Run DMC were coming on tour, I HAD to see them, I HAD to meet them. This was to be my second concert ever, and definitely one of my most memorable of all time.

Using allowance and babysitting money, my friend Michelle and I anxiously purchased tickets from our local record store. This was the “Raising Hell” tour, and as it was summer we were not in school. We dressed in matching white shorts, Natural Selection t-shirts, white keds without laces, and cute hair ties, yes we looked like the typical 80’s teenyboppers. After taking the ferry from Bremerton to Seattle, we arrived early at the famed Paramount theater. One of the other early “fans” came screaming with great news. “You can exchange your tickets for closer ones at the ticket window”. We gasped, clutching each other with excitement as we exchanged our back row seats for seats in the 5th row. When they opened the doors to the theater, seeing how we were one of the first in line, we were also lucky enough to be the first to get inside. What magical person appeared before our eyes, but MCA, walking backstage via the front of the theater. We almost screamed and wet our pants. I had to act fast, this was our chance. “MCA can we get a hug” I asked in my best tenny bopper fan voice. He looked at us as if we were stray puppies and waved his hand “ah get out of here”. “Please” I begged some more, this time more pathetically “Your our FAVORITE Beastie Boy” (of course this was a lie because we loved Adrock). He stopped, took another look at us and with the love of God said “okay, but don’t tell anybody”. With that he hugged us both, quick, let me get this over with fast hugs, but still hugs no less. What heaven, an actual star… touching us! Though we were both innocent virgins, and not even close to being groupies, we decided our next ploy was to get backstage, or hang out with them after the show. Who wouldn’t want to lose their virginity to a rock star?

The concert was amazing (and that’s an understatement)! We were close enough to have water splashed on us (or spit for that matter). We sang, we dance, we cried, we were definitely in love. RunDMC stole the show (the veteran performers) and we were delighted when the Beastie Boys joined RunDMC on stage for the concerts finale “Walk this Way”. We hoped so bad to end up like the lucky girl in the song “Shes Crafty” who ends up backstage and gets to go home with the band. After the show we were waiting around the back hoping to get an invitation, filled with adrenaline and excitement, and some boys approached us and invited us to an after party at the neighboring hotel. The party was going to be an exclusive Beastie Boys after party, that would include the Beastie Boys themselves! We jumped at the invitation, unable to believe our luck. We get to the party and are immediately served alcohol and cigarettes. The drinks kept flowing, and we, excited to meet our Loves, kept drinking in anticipation. After a while, I began to notice that we were the only girls in the hotel room, and the room seemed to be filled with guys. There was at least 15 guys there, all getting drunk and eyeballing us lecherously. A few of the guys moved to the bed, got comfortable and invited us to sit down. Luckily, I wasn’t that drunk, and I started to get suspicious. “Where are the Beastie Boys?” I asked flatly. We started getting responses from shrugs, to there coming, to “don’t you worry about them, have another drink”. After another hour of waiting, and being put off, I got smart and realized this might not be the safest situation for us two underage girls. The Beastie Boys were not coming, they were probably never going to come, and we needed to get out of there. Avoiding an inevitable date rape train, we narrowly escaped into a cab outside where Michelle proceeded to puke all over the sidewalk. Talk about naivete! Though we didn’t loose our cherries to the Beastie Boys, we were pretty damn close to loosing it to a bunch of horny guys.

In the years to come I would have more adventure with the Beastie Boys. This includes my infamous car accident into a rock wall while turning up the radio to hear “Paul Revere”. I have seen the Beasties in concert at least 4 times since the “Raising Hell” tour, and each show has been Fabulous. At one Lalapalooza in SF I decided to try to hang in the crowd and run in the mosh pit. This will be the last time I attempt anything so daring. It seems at these big venues the frat boys decide that the mosh pit is the place to sexually assault women. I have never been so grabbed, touched, assaulted and fondled over by a crowd in my life. Big lesson learned... avoid mosh pits at large venue events.

I cant wait to see the Beastie Boys in concert again, maybe this time I can take my 14 year old son. He would just love it if I pulled a groupie move and flashed the band my tits (NOT). But it would be a blast to see them again, they do put on a great show, even if it does get me in a little trouble.
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Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Small Town Sluts vs. Urban Sluts

Having lived and been single in both a redneck/sailor hoppin small town vs. a kickin urban area (like Seattle, DC, San Francisco) I have found there to be a major difference in the types of sluts, or what even constitutes a slut in these places.

Small town sluts. These girls generally suffer from “looking for daddy syndrome”, i.e. they are missing the father figure in their life and look to cheap sex for attention. Small town sluts can also be lonely or bored wives, typically heavyset and somewhat unattractive, who turn to sex as validation for their visual shortcomings. Small town sluts can also be the beautiful small town girl who is in constant need for attention and validation. Small town sluts can often have a drug problem, or at least a weakness for methamphetamine powders. Small town sluts frequent the same bar until they have slept with too many of the regulars and need to “move on”. The wardrobes for a small town slut consists of tight jeans, low-cut blouse, open toed sandals with “fuck me” heals, heavily hairsprayed and teased hair, dark lipstick, and long acrylic nails.
Small town sluts generally feel bad about being a slut and consider the word offensive. Let me give some examples of a small town slut. My friend Mary, who is a married navy wife gets an “itch” every time her hubby is at sea. She calls up Eunice and pressures her to go out cattin. Mary and Eunice dress to the nines, get all shaved and waxed, and head to the bar. Mary proceeds to make Eunice look like a prude (which is hard to do) by making out with 3 different guys on the dance floor, inviting 2 of them back to Eunice’s for an after party, and sleeping with both. Mary carries on affairs with various sailors and townies until hubby returns, only to discover she is pregnant and has to abort the baby (since she doesn’t know who the father is). Mary already has two kids from two different sailors (she actually married both because she was pregnant).
Popular Culture equivalent – Mystic Pizza

Urban Sluts. Now these chicks cultivate and reclaim the world slut. Their experiences include both genders and multiple numbers. They come from diverse backgrounds and generally think of sex in a casual way, separating it from love or any type of attachment. Urban sluts are not easily recognizable, and at times it seems like everyone and anyone may be an urban slut, if not in practice than in preaching. It is not uncommon to be at a Fetish club and find that the only non-urban sluts there to be the employees working as dominatrixes and strippers. Urban sluts have a variety of places to mix, hang out and socialize. They love art, film, adult entertainment, Stranger personal adds, fine wine and literature. Hanging out with them you feel prude for being in a monogomous relationship. Urban Sluts are proud to be called sluts, and will even call themselves or other friends “sluts” in casual conversation. I will give you some examples. My friend Allison loved sex, had her tongue pierced, and also decided to try bisexuality while majoring in Women Studies at Berkeley. Having too many lovers to count, Allison loved to talk dirty to whoever and whomever, and always promised that she could do things sexually that other girls were ashamed or too scared to do. Allison had been having an affair with a boy, Orion, who also loved sex and had slept with many of Allison’s friends. One night, Allison and Orion ran into each other at a bar, Allison was with her friend Kristen. Both Kristen and Allison decided they wanted Orion, so they made a promise to him that they would take him back home and have a threesome. That is what they did, and bragged to whomever about. Both Kristen and Allison continued to have flings and “private parties” with each other and “lucky men” throughout that semester. Allison was proud to be a slut, and had stories of seducing teachers, boyfriends, fathers, and sisters alike.
Popular Culture equivalent – Sex in the City

What is a SLUT?
I found this site that says it all. Being a slut may be a fad or a lifestyle. I tend to think of it as a mindframe or choice. I think it is good to be in love and monogomous. But, if you are single, go rock your socks off, have fun, and yeah women can be "studs" too.

Definitions of Slut

Zen Slut From Zenslut.com

(note: links go to definitions at dictionary.com, though i pulled the definitions from my desktop dictionary.)
slut [slut] n.: 1. a dirty, slovenly woman. 2. a sexually promiscuous woman --slut'tish adj.
that definition being filled with a few adjectives of its own, i looked some of them up for better context:
dirty [dirt' y] adj. -i-er -i-est 1. not clean. 2. obscene. 3. contemptable or nasty. 4. unfair; dishonest. 5. rough, as weather. -vt., vi. dirt'ied, dirt'y-ing to make or become dirty -dirt'i-ness n.
sloven adj. a careless, untidy person. -slov'en-ly, -lier, -liest, adj
promiscuous adj. 1. consisting of different elements indiscriminantly mingled. 2. characterized by a lack of discrimination, esp. in sexual liasons -prom-is-cu-i-it-y, pl. -ities, n. -pro-mis'cu-ous-ly adv.

This is from Zen Slut.com - I didnt write it, but I agree totally

as a woman who challenges society's baggage around the word "slut," and readily embraces it, i would like to offer a different interpretation of the word. i propose that a slut is a sexually empowered woman. a slut is a woman who embraces her sexuality and refuses to let anyone else own it but herself. a slut is a woman who enjoys her sexuality, REVELS in her sexuality, and fucks as her wont is will. she is NOT indiscriminate; to the contrary, she choses only to sleep with people who respect her choices, and her ultimate authority over her own body. she won't sleep with just anybody, but only with people who deserve to share in the awesome sexual power she possesses. she is NOT ashamed; she is powerful, proud, righteous, and deserving of R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
how do you know if you're a slut? you're a slut if YOU say you are. it can be an empowering word when it is applied to oneself out of respect for the power of one's sexuality, rather than slurred as an epitaph by a jilted lover. the more of us women (and, hell, men) who embrace the word with a positive connotation, the closer we get to living in a society that values the power of female sexuality as equally as it values male sexuality. if you ever find yourself in a situation where someone is slinging the label "slut" at you as if it's something you should be ashamed of, tell them "thank you," and smile when you say it. i do.

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If your reading my blog, that means I WANT YOU

My male friend told me recently that he got in some trouble for reading my blog. According to his wife, by him reading my rantings it was “unhealthy” and a sure sign that I “wanted” him. Well gee, this is news to me, since I have been hoping to expand my readership and I guess this would make me one horney ass chick. Now the question…. Do I want everyone who reads or visits my site? I admit to being an attention whore, but as to being a plain whore, I at least hope not. So just to make it clear to any wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, pets, etc, who happen to suspect that my site is some ploy to get sex….. That Aint it! A big PLEASE… with the palm of my hand in air.

Broke as a bad joke
I always said I would give up being punk rock when I got money (this was in my twenties). Never thought I would still be punk rock in my thirties (sigh). Im so tired of having to count change, borrow from Peter to pay Paul, max out credit cards, write checks hoping the wont clear til payday. My ex husband owes me child support, but I cant seem to get a hold of the guy. He has been good about it lately (well since Alameda County DA threatened him with 30plus days in an Oakland jail), but Im always stressed while waiting to hear back from him. Wish I didn’t need the money so bad, but dammit these teenagers are expensive, always needing money for this or that. Im just really pissy because Im broke today.
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Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Dating a Sailor v. Redneck

I just found the funniest advice on "Dating a Sailor" I had to post it here after my rant. I will also post some tips for "Dating a Redneck". What is the difference between dating a sailor v. dating a redneck? Well, to be honest a sailor may be a redneck, and just be in the navy. But living in a town madeup of either rednecks or sailors I would have to say there are some stark differences.
1. The hair cut. Sailors have short hair. Rednecks have mullets, outdated scott bayo hairsyles, or long biker hair
2. Both trained with guns. Rednecks hunt animals and have gun racks in there pick up trucks. Sailors hunt young girls and have a blanket in the back of their cars with a box of condoms.
3.Both like Beer. Both like to fight. Both may be strangely addicted to porn.
4.Rednecks can travel solo, and are typically seen hanging out at their favorite bar stool. Sailors travel in packs, especially to bars.
5.Sailors leave to go out to sea. Rednecks never leave, nor do they ever get rid of anything. (Notice the cinderblock, various engines, and major appliances left outside their trailor.)

Anyway, here is what the tips for dating a sailor and below will be tips for redneck dating
How to Pick up a Sailor
1. It doesn't take much - wear something skimpy. Remember these men haven't seen a woman for possibly months on end.


2. As a U.S. Navy sailor, I can tell you that having a relationship with a sailor is no different than with anyone else in the world.


3. Ask them if they're married! Keep in mind that many of these sailors have wives and children at home who are very easily left out of conversation. I'm a Navy wife and have heard many horror stories.


4. Realize what is involved in a Navy relationship. Take into consideration the time you will spend alone during deployments (6 months or more sometimes) and the frequent relocating.


5. Just be a woman Some sailors that I've known will enjoy the company of any semi-attractive woman who talks to them.


6. Ask them where they've been... Ask him which countries he has been to since he joined up. It's always good to compare notes on destinations that you've both been to.


7. Be careful Most sailors are players and are looking for one night stands. Don't expect to have a relationship with them. Also, if you're lucky enough to get into a relationship with them, join a wive's club and find out exactly what it means to date a military man.


The Auburn Guide To Dating Etiquette

1. Do not enter your aubie date in a female mud-wrestling contest without asking her permission.
2. Do not refer to your hunting dog as "the other woman in your life."

3. Do not mention your UFO abduction experiences until at least the third date.

4. Do not expect a woman wearing a dress to be happy about climbing into a truck with tires that are taller than she is. Be sure to warn her to wear jeans.

5. Your favorite faded Dukes of Hazard t-shirt should be saved for the fifth or more date, unless, of course, it's the only clean shirt you have.

6. If the aubie woman drives, never, ever try to get away with spitting tobacco down the side of your seat on the hope that she won't notice. She's not like your slobbering fishing buddies, so you must always roll down your window when you need to spit.

7. Never compare her figure to that of a Coors can, even if you're trying to tell her that she's real sleek.

8. Deep Woods Off! is not a substitute for deodorant.

9. Never tell a aubie woman straight out that you can't have her name tatooed on you because your Mom, who is so proud of your bicep bearing her name, would be psychotically jealous.

10. Do not invite a woman to go cow-tipping if she's wearing high heels.


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Electric Slide Weekend.. and other sordid tales

Outside of a rural/redneck town does anyone dance to the Electric Slide anymore? I cant tell you how many times I hear this played here in Sailor Town USA. You should see how the place lights up, and huge fat Bremelos almost run each other over racing to the dance floor to show they are Queen of the Electric Slide dance. For those of you unfamiliar with the Electric Slide it’s a cheezy, poppy dance song where you do a certain dance called the Electric Slide (its kinda like a country line dance or the Hustle). Im embarrassed to admit I can do the Electric Slide, and yes I have done it of recent. LOL

End of a Dry Spell
My friend Kathleen had a good weekend, after what she called one of her “longest dry spells”. We went out drinkin and dancin at the Sailor Bar and she ended up boinkin a friend from high school… JediHavok. They were so obvious about it, I had to tease them. The next morning we were out to breakfast, in night clothes how cheezy is that, and I asked DarthHavok if he had a hickey on his neck. He looked right at Kathleen and said “No” in a “do I?” way. Busted! I laughed so hard. Im happy for Kathleen though. She had needed some action, the only she had been getting was from a desperate GI in Iraq who kept flashing her his “willy” on his webcam.

Hickey Neck
Yes I actually have a few hickeys on my neck from my young, sweet boy-toy. I know its so “junior high” but I guess it’s the Ann Rice fan in me that loves to be bitten. Kathleen tells me I am “tagged”, but the funny thing is I “tagged” him too. Since he is in the Navy, I hope this isnt consider defacing of Government property. LOL Oh well sometimes its fun to be trashy and wild.

The long walk home
Eunice is the wildest of all my chick friends. She has been married twice to sailors, loves sex, and considers sailors to be her own personal “disposable sex toys”. She’s a crazy one, but I love her dearly. She has warned me that she can never meet my current boy-toy since the submarine he is on, she has gone through and slept with most of the ship. Eunice is the queen of one night stands, and is full of advice on “using men”. Her last experience has left her kind of bitter, she picked up some buff sailor from the Sailor Bar and took him to bed with her. I guess they slept most of the night without doing much as kiss. In the morning when he was sporting wood, somehow he talked her into doing the wild thing with him. She obliged and when she left the room to go to the bathroom, that sneaky sailor walked out the door and took off. No thank you, or goodbye, or the fake “give me your number and I will call you”. He just walked out the door. Eunice said he had a small penis anyway, but was still shocked by his behavior.


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Rules of Dating.... Egads!

My friend Eunice was supposed to write for me the rules of dating, so I could post it here on the website. What are “The Rules” it sounds like games to me, but I hear one must adhere to them. Is it like don’t call someone for 2 days after you get their phone number? How many times is it okay to call a guy before he calls you back? How many dates should you have with someone before you have sex? According to Tom Lykus there are definitely rules of dating, (Lykus 101 teaches the young male demographics how to get more pussy for less pay). For kicks I listen to Tom on my commute home, kinda to get into the mind of the male species. One of Tom’s rules, never answer the phone on the weekend (so that girls see you are busy). He also says when taking a woman out to dinner, eat a big meal at home before you go out. This way when you get to the restaurant you can only order a salad (because what woman would order more than you?). Tom says that if a woman doesn’t put out after 2 dates, dump her and move on. Tom says men should not date single mothers or career women, this is so you don’t have to deal with baggage, and the person you are with will put you totally first. Don’t know if I agree with everything Tom says, but he does present some interesting food for thought, especially with regard to rules.
Here are some more rules I got off a player website.

Rules for relationships and dating...
When asked "What are you doing?" never reply with "Nothing", always appear to be busy even if you are not. This will make you seem to be much more interesting.

****Don’t know if I think saying nothing means you are a boring person. Do you always have to lie and act busy to seem interesting. Don’t interesting people sit down relax and DO NOTHING sometime????

Never stay on the phone for a long period of time (unless a serious relationship has already been established) or you will appear to be a boring person because you have nothing better to do.

*******Okay I guess this explains why the phone calls I have received lately have been so short.

Never act submissive because you want to be the "Nice Guy". In the real world (outside of Hollywood) nice guys don't get the girls, so stand up for yourself and don't get used. However, don't become the "Jerk" either, the goal is to be likable while also showing strength by always expressing yourself and your opinions.

*****I agree with this

Never, and I mean never, say "I love you" first. If you say these 3 words too early you can easily change a great relationship into an uncomfortable one (for the both of you), and possibly destroy it.

******It definitely sucks when someone says I love you too soon. Talk about making you want to run the other way screaming.

Always keep things happening in your existing relationship. Try new things (not only sexually) and never become lazy by just sitting around watching TV every night. If your girl becomes bored with the relationship she will leave or cheat on you. Remember "It's easier to steal someone else's girl than it is to keep your own!"

Never act serious at the beginning of a new relationship. You may begin to develop strong feelings early on, but you don't want to scare your dream girl away by coming on too strong. Just try to relax and have fun while allowing your relationship to blossom at a steady (but slow) pace.

When going on a first date, never go to a club or movie because you want to spend this time talking to her and using the player skills you've learned, which can be limited once you go to these places. Take her somewhere fun (during the daytime, such as miniature golf, the beach, etc.). This will lighten the tension and make both of you more comfortable.

Never attempt to have sex with her unless you know (for sure) that it's yours for the taking. If you try and fail, chances are she will be extremely uncomfortable around you the next time you get together, and probably never return your calls or avoid you completely.

Always change the amounts of attention you give her. For instance: Give her your undivided attention for an extended period of time one day, and appear to be too busy to even talk to her the next. This will drive her crazy, and you will be on her mind the entire day. She will be wondering if she said or did something wrong, and she will become much more interested in you because she won't be able to think about anything else.

******Oh yeah I love it when they play this game with me. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Once you are in an established relationship for a relatively long period of time say this to your girl: "You know, your probably my best friend". She will most likely burst into tears and will love you twice as much for saying it. *note* Make sure you say this at the right time. For example, saying this while shopping at the mall would be a bad idea, but saying it late at night while your laying in bed would be on point like a fax machine.

Never bring a woman to a really expensive restaurant for any of the first few dates. You may think that you are impressing her, but all you are really doing is adding to the tension.

Never... ever... borrow money from a woman. Even if she is a long term girlfriend and you need it badly. Women want a man that can support them in any situation. In a woman's mind "For rich or for poor" actually means "You better get rich, and if your poor I'm gone". If you borrow money she will be thinking "Hows he going to support me when he can't even take care of himself". Never let her know if your in financial trouble.

Never become obsessed with a particular woman you've just met, no matter how hot she is or how much she seems to like you. If you think about her too much, you will begin building up tension in your mind which can effect how you act the next time you see her, and that is when you want to be on top of your game, not looking like an idiot with nothing to say.
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