"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Friday, May 28, 2004

Hello Online Dating!

First I must admit, being single again after a three-year relationship feels extremely liberating. At 30 something, I feel empowered, in control, the captain of my ship, master of my destiny (okay I don’t feel this way all the time but Im practicing the power of positive thinking). Why you may wonder did my 3 year relationship end? Because I chose it too, for reasons those include;
1. He was too short for me
2. He made comments about my weight
3. He didn’t respect any of my accomplishments as an activist or scholastically
4. His kid was a total brat and I couldn’t see myself step parenting for the next 10 years a child I could not stand to be around
5. He was a total queeny, drama queen
6. He criticized me too much
7. He tried to control me
8. It just wasn’t workin for me….

So Im single again, a 30 something single (can we get the cheezy theme song playing from the show thritysomething?). As of now, I really like being single. I figure, my son is 14, too old for any man to step in his life and play daddy, and old enough where I cant date and not be harassed. I remind him that what comes around goes around and I will get him back now that he is dating too. A woman in her 30s knows who she is sexually, is independent, confident in themselves, and oh yes, much more mature. 

One of my very close friends is also a single momma, single thritysomething. We go out together scouting out single men and basically keep each other morale up, and ward off losers. We like to think of our lives as parallel to the gals on “Sex in the City” despite the fact we live in redneckville sailor town, and those women live in glamorous Manhattan. While out with her dancing, I met my current boy toy (23). Believe it or not, this is my first sailor fling, and I am having a good time hanging out with him. It is an ego boost, but definitely not something I would call a real relationship. He is young and needs to sew his wild oats so to speak, and plus he is a sailor, and sailors leave. (a good and bad thing).

So considering my new status as single, I decided to try the cheezy single thing called “Online dating” or Personals. More for a joke for myself, but also just to give it a whirl, what the heck. You can post for free, you have to pay to make contact. Believe me Im not paying a dime for this crap, but I thought it would be fun all the same.
Here is a link to what I posted on the dating site.

My Online Personal Add

Here is a lovely sampling of some of the guys who have responded. Just my luck eh? Gets me all bothered....NOT!

Date Prospect 1

Date Prospect 2

Date Prospect 3

The following guy sent a note that said:
Are you related to Demi Moore? Anyhow I read your profile and liked what I read. You can check out mine and write back if interested. Hope to hear back from you.

*I dont think he is not soooo bad just a little short for me.

Date Prospect 4

Date Prospect 5

-----Now you guys see why I am still single. LOL. I'll keep you posted if anything interesting happens.

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You can find me in the club…. (redneck/Sailor night on town)

We get out of the jeep, adjust our lipstick, and adjust our hair. Maybe if we get lucky we can dance the night away with some prince charming who happens to be in this town at this club (fat chance). At best we can hope for cheap drinks, faces cuter with beer goggles on, and cheap slutty sex with some squid. Ah the possibilities. Wait, rewind, lets back up ½ to the local tavern, I havent finished with the full on description yet….

Let me tell you some more about the local tavern we were previously at. We share the barstools, with the bar stool regulars, a motley assortment of townies some resembling Norm from Cheers others resembling your local computer geek. Sailors never sit at the bar, these seats are strictly reserved for the townies. The bar is decorated with various mirrors, local artists gloomy artwork, beer cans from foreign lands, and music posters. On the other side of the bar is two pool tables, always taken by sailors who keep to that side of the bar. There is a band warming up on stage, a local band, whose members appear in their 30s and don tattoos, thick glasses, and Ramoans style hair cuts. Kathleen complains that when the band plays its too loud to talk. I actually like local bands, and notice one of the musicians to be an old friend of mine. I run up and give him a hug. I think to myself, finally someone cool here to talk too. “Your going to watch us play” he asks, I nod, and hope to myself we aren’t headed dancing once the live music begins.

Okay, now cut to back at the dance club, we walk to the guy checkin Ids, Im embarrassed to see that he recognizes me with a wink and doesn’t need to see my ID. Now I feel like a regular…. I could die a thousand deaths…. The DJ is blasting 50 cent and so far the dance floor is empty except for one drunk older lady sporting glowing rave toys. The bar is dark, girls with tight tee shirts scramble to keep up with drink orders at the bar. Navy memorabilia line the walls, pictures of squids, plaques with squid awards, ship photos, sub mariner relics. Ah a safe haven for sailors.... oie wey. As we walk in, its like the music comes to a screetching stop and all eyes are on us. The sailors gaze at us between puff of their cigarettes. The local girls snicker and glare, upset by more competition. Kathleen recognizes a table full of townies and drops her purse on the table, staking a claim. I follow cautiously. Im wishing for a big joint at this point. Ah yes, it would be great to be stoned now. The big biker at the table greets Kathleen with a hug, I see he is wearing colors for the Banditos biker gang. Kathleen scans the scene, “its dead here” she says. I realize for club time its still early, only 10:00. “Im sure it will pick up" I say. "Hes cute" Kathleen gasps, while nonchelantly pointing at some guy bending over the pool table in tight wrangler jeans "nice ass". "Wrangler butts drive me nuts" I reply wryly.

“Lets Dance” Kathleen says as a new song starts, its “Its raining Men” by the Weathergirls. Though not drunk enough to really cut lose, I oblige thinking what they heck. Its always fun to make a fool of yourself. Plus, like Booger says in Risky Business “Sometimes you gotta say what the Fuck, if you cant say it, you cant do it!"
---Will continue the adventures in redneck land in another post....
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Life in a RedNeck town

The town where I was born, grew up, escaped, and now reside could be described as a logging, rednecked, sailor town full of testosterone, kegs, gun stores, and churches. Men drive pick up trucks with mud flaps and gun racks and sport mullets with pride. Because it’s a navy town, men outnumber women 5 to 1. The women could be described as typically overweight, hungry for sailor blood and sport aqua net big hair styles that would make David Lee Roth jealous. The sailors (squids) always travel in packs and can be recognized both by their numbers and short haircuts with baseball hats. The theme of “townies vs. sailors” seems all too prevalent at any public establishment, hence resulting in the occasional bar fight.

A typical night on the town..

Kathleen picks me up in her jeep, cigarette dangling from her lips, loud Duran Duran “Hungry like a wolf” emanating from the stereo, her dressed to the nines tight black pants, open toe sandals with heels, and a low cut tight fitting shirt. She tells me she made arrangements to have her son spend the night at his grandmas, so her house is available for an after hours party. (Remember we all are single mothers here). We drive away singing away with the CD player, occasionally letting out a sarcastic “OW” to a camero full of squids.
“Where do you want to go?” She asks
I give my usual response “Where is there to go” (besides crazy like Patsy Cline I think to myself)
“Lets pop off to the tavern for a couple drinks and see how we feel” I agree.
We arrive at the local tavern and Kathleen makes a beeline for a seat at the bar. She knows all the bar stool regulars, plus the bartenders. She greets many of them with hugs, while I merely wave and smile (I don’t know them very well). Bad Companys “Feel like making love” plays on the jukebox. I recognize one of the guys sitting at the bar from high school, though he has gained some weight. Both Kathleen and I light up cigarettes and order vodka cranberrys (double). We talk bar talk (sports, Survivor) until Kathleen tells one of the barstool regulars that I work at a library. Suddenly, conversation shifts to me “Oh you look like a librarian” someone says (I wear glasses). Another tries to impress me with his knowledge of books. I order another drink, and a shot, and consider calling up friends on my cell phone.

After an hour or so, Kathleen gets restless…. Doing her best impression of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever she says “I want to dance”. I know what is coming next, she wants to go to the local meat market, squid infested dance club. Im happy here, I try to say, though I know my words are futile. We get back in the jeep and head out to the dance club.
To be continued……
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What Pre-1985 Video Game Character Am I? I AM PACMAN

What Video Game Character Are You? I am Pacman.I am Pacman.

I am an aggressive sort of personality, out to get what I can, when I can. I prefer to avoid confrontation, but sometimes when it's called for, I can be a powerful character. I tend to be afflicted with munchies constantly. What Video Game Character Are You?

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Thursday, May 27, 2004

Thoughts on War - Memorial Day

My brother just returned from Iraq. He is a captain in the army and a blackhawk pilot. Every day he was over there I would watch the news for headlines of those fallen, and pray that it wasn’t him. I smoked a lot of cigarettes and spent a lot of time fretting. He came back recently, and talks of missions and sitting in on interrogations etc. He is really upset about the prison abuse scandal, and what that is doing to the reputation of the Army. Im not a fan of war, I must say, but I totally support our troops over there. My heart goes out to them and there families every day.

Here is a link to the faces of the fallen from this Iraq war. Our hearts go out to you heros!


Here is CNNs info

Online I met a soldier who is currentlly in Iraq. We chat through yahoo occasionaly, I guess he has access to a computer ($20 hour). He sent me a poem he wrote on war, that I will post here without permission. He is another hero, serving his country, doing his job, in a war many of us don’t believe in.

this is a very condensed version of the time the night went calm.
i would have to work on it for a while to get it all written again. it is about 5 pages long and it bounces around a lot so I will do the best i can with a short version of it. and it is not perfect either. I have forgotten quite a bit of it so I am just writing to the bast of my memory. I dont think it sounds as good as it used to but at least you have an idea on what it is. i have the original at home. when I get there I will type it out and send it to you if you want.

There was a time the night went calm,
it was then i knew,
something’s wrong
gazing up, into the sky,
a fiery light,
passing by,
a boom,
a bang.
There was sudden killing,
sudden pain,
many murders,
all in vain.
there was war,
on our fair shores,
soldiers rushing through all doors.
there was sudden killing,
sudden pain,
many murders,
all in vain.
I could see,
the whites of their eyes,
enemy soldiers,
passing by.
i sit screaming,
will these soldiers come back again?
our young soldiers,
come out to fight,
come out to fight , this cool dark night.
for our brave soldiers,
it was the test,
they fought and died,
they did their best.
through the night,
all the same,
all the murders,
all in vain.
the night is over,
all is done,
the killings over,
the pain is gone,
all were slain,
all but one.
alone i sit,
in anguish and pain,
all around me have been slain,
all the murder,
all in vain.
a year has passed now,
all is done,
the killings over,
the pain is gone.
and i look back and see the wrong,
thinking of the time the night went calm.
CW2 Whitmus. United States Army

And on another note here is a site for Raed, the Iraqi who started a blog from Iraq during the war. Raed is another hero caught in this Bush war.


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Wednesday, May 26, 2004

I am Android Chick

Thanks Debra for your posting the quiz on your blog, what fun! Im new to blogging here, so I will try to link. Lets see if this works.

You're the android chick.

Which Coop chick are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Some silly poems...


Rainy Day

I do not want to work today
Oh no, oh no, I want to play
I wish I didn’t need the pay
So I could go and sleep all day
Work, Work, go away
Come again another Day
This is what I want to say
I do not want to work today!

Ode to a Navy Town

The higher the hair the closer to God
Mullets mix with razor short cuts
Smokey bars, couples dancing close
Wedding bands meaningless
“Hey Sailor Boy, Come Buy Me a Drink”
and maybe I will take you home
Dignity, who needs it here
Disposable flesh,
Feelings tucked away
Another ship to dock at Bay


Pop another pill
So my world blurs away
I don’t want to get up
My body feels too heavy
My mind so tired
Please let me sleep

Im feeling pissy today....


What a Morning

I didn’t want to wake up this morning as usual, hit the snooze button too many times. Today was also a bad hair day, its raining outside, and everything felt blah. I should have planned my outfit last night, instead of scrambling through clothes this morning. I didn’t want to wear the same tired ol corduroys with the velvety shirt so I decided to try on some dresses I haven’t worn in a year or so. Big mistake. The first dress I barely got over my shoulders, it was now way too tight (a size 10), the next dress (a size 11) I was able to get on, but the arms were so tight I felt like I would have bruises. I could barely get the dress off without calling my son for help (I would have died from embarrassment), the next dress was a button up, so I figured I could step into it and get it to work. Fat chance (no pun intended) I couldn’t get the buttons to close in the front (my breasts have gotten bigger, no complaint there). So I ended up late, in a huff, and having to wear the stupid corduroy pants. Not a good way to start your morning.

The neighbors downstairs

Every couple of nights (sometimes every night) I hear a woman screaming. This has woken me from my sleep, or caused me to want to hurl and not be able to go to sleep. At first you think there is a problem, they you realize the woman is SCREAMING in some redneck style ecstasy. Come on lady you live in an apartment, do you have to SREAM during sex? Its one thing to make noise, Im sure I wouldn’t hear them if they were just making noise, but NO, this heavy set navy wife SCREAMS like a dying COW. It is terribly disturbing to say the least. I have wanted to do the rude neighbor thing and pound on the walls, but I have stopped myself. I think I may call the apartment manager and complain today. Not that I am prude, I just think screaming at the top of your lungs is a little inappropriate for the wee hours of the night, regardless if it is pleasure screams or not. (SIGH)

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Mullet Chivalry

Okay so I have to tell a funny story that happened the other day. First let me explain, I have two best friends here at my corporate America job, both smokers, both married. Yes, this has circulated rumors amongst the hens in the henhouse, but hey who cares about the bettys anyway. So the other day, I went for a drive and a cigarette break/coffee run with one of these friends. We were smoking, and laughing and joking around before getting coffee at the Albertsons Starbucks. I was saying in my poor broken accent “Que es el invasor… Gringo?” Basically quoting a poster I saw in San Diego which translates “Who is the invader – Whitey”. My friend laughs and says, “boy you sound white when you say that” then, he being from San Diego and growing up in the Barrio says in a loud, full on Vatos accent “Que es el innvasor… GRINGA?!” (heavy accent on Gringa). Well I look over in the parking lot, and there is this guy with a full on mullet stopping poofing out his chest, and giving my friend a stand down. They guy looked like he could be straight out of Leanard Skinard. Full on mullet, acid washed jeans, and a muscle shirt. He gave my friend the stand down for about 2 minutes, until he saw me laughing and realized he had just made himself a fool. Its just funny to me that mullet chivalry exists, and I also laughed that my friend almost got his butt kicked by a redneck for calling me a Gringa. Can I get the theme music from Dueling Banjos here?

Vadergrrrrl's Top 10 Lists

Top 10 Lists

Top 10 Actors
10. Samuel Jackson
9. James Dean
8. Harrison Ford
7. Ice Cube
6. David Duchovony
5. Tim Robbins
4. Jack Nicholson
3. Nicholas Cage
2. James Spader
1. Darth Vader

Top 10 Movies
10. Pulp Fiction
9. Planet of the Apes
8. Halloween
7. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
6. Reservoir Dogs
5. Boys in the Hood
4. The Shinning
3. Rebel without a Cause
2. How to Marry a Millionaire
1. The first 3 Star Wars Movies

Top 10 TV Shows
10. Sex in the City
9. CSI
8. Survivor
7. Amazing Race
6. Real World
5. Simpsons
4. Oz
3. Sopranos
2. Twin Peaks
1. X-Files

Top 10 Music Artists
10. James Brown
9. Frank Sinatra
8. Michael Jackson
7. Beatles
6. Sublime
5. Beastie Boys
4. NWA
3. Tupac
2. Lil Kim
1. Beethoven

Top 10 Pleasures in Life
10. Reading
9. Writing
8. Laying in the Sun
7. Watching TV
6. Listening to Music
5. Eating Food
4. Dancing
3. Sleeping
2. Drinking Wine/Smoking
1. SEX

Top 10 Shows I watched as a kid
10. Brady Bunch
9. Sigmund the Seamonster
8. Laverne & Shirley
7. Battlestar Gallactica
6. The A Team
5. Dukes of Hazzard
4. The Superfriends
3. The Bionic Woman
2. The Six Million Dollar Man
1. Land of the Lost

Top 10 Outfits I wore in the 80’s
10. Acid Washed Jeans
9. Quiet Riot T- Shirt
8. Leather Nike’s with blue stripe
7. Members only Jacket
6. Generra Men Sweatshirt
5. Lace gloves, lace top, Madonna wannabe look
4. Ripped and bleached stained Levis
3. Esprit Everything
2. A bikini (pre stretch marks from kiddo)
1. White Keds with no laces


The People I work with... Do you reckognize anyone

From the Work Desk of Vadergrrrrl

What is it like to work for corporate America? How many of us sit from our computers and surf the web while at work? How many of us hate our jobs, wish for something more, get paid peanuts, and live by the daily mantra “life is not fair”?
Well hells bells join the friggin club. My job is no picnic, though I do get to sit at a keyboard all day and secretly surf the web.

Its funny all the characters you will meet on the job. Wherever the job, there are always the same cast of characters (the names change however).

Here is a current cast of characters that I work with (names will be changed to avoid lawsuits)

Gina- the company kiss ass. Dress code very low cut shirts, tight pants. Typically found bending over the boss’s desk giggling. Despite lack of brain cells, “works” her way into lucrative management position. Conversation with her always involve her spreading the newest rumor about herself “did you hear the new one, I gave the boss a blow job in the parking lot”.

Betsy –executive assistant, mother hen and office busy body. This one always rubs me the wrong way, she is in everyone’s business spreading rumors and telling on people to HR. Considers herself an “executive” even though she is still a secretary. Will take 2 hour lunches daily, and then tell on you to your supervisor if you are 10 mins late coming back from yours. This woman makes my life HELL.

Dan – the lab geek, computer nerd. Tall, lanky, with glasses, and Izod polo shirts. Looks like he should wear a pen protector, but states he is a little to hip for that extremity. Loves Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, and playing computer games from work when no one is looking. Eats PB&J sandwiches for lunch everyday. This guy is fun to goof around with, but is in somewhat fear and curiosity by your tattoos and/or piercing.

Paul – the nutty professor. Hair reminiscent of Albert Einstein, he does wear a pocket protector, glasses, and a plaid short sleeve shirt. Has a PhD but still is paid a college student salary. He seems lost in the world of knowledge, his dialect sometimes hard to ascertain. Social skills definitely need improvement, but if you take the time to talk to him, he is quite an interesting person. The big shocker…. He is actually married.

Lanna – the permanent office help. Yes she always worked here, and she will remind you of that daily. She housesits for the big boss, knows his family well, and has one of those jobs with no real title or definition of duties. She is heavy set, but loves to eat (you will find her snacking throughout the day), and she is also allowed to play solitaire from her computer desk. She is also a busybody gossip that hangs with the executive assistant and watches your every step with a judgmental glare.

Lisa – the overqualified receptionist. Lisa has a PhD in Music and sings opera on the side. She handles herself with grace and finesse, though she is way to overqualified and underpaid to be a receptionist. She gives credence to the fact that one should never get a degree in the arts.

Larry – Butt Kissing Brown Noser. This guy was recently promoted to supervisor. He is a snidely little fellow, only 22, who has cultivated the art of ass kissing. You will always find him walking behind the boss, whispering names of fellow employees who have said something out of line, and should be on the “shit list”. Backstabbing, conniving, this guy can not be trusted. Before he was supervisor, I saw him snorting lines at a party, once promoted he stopped going to company “parties” for the reason “I don’t want to see anything I shouldn’t”. Im sure he has incriminated many in his rise to power.

This is all I have for now. Will add more characters later. Do you recognize anybody? They are everywhere……


Update on Sailor Boy-Toy

One thing about flings with boy toys…. They are not always the best about calling. You would think after being discipled by a Goddess like me, he would be calling me every day, wagging his tale with his tongue sticking out. Not this player…. I think he might date by the gospel of the movie Swingers, and have each move he makes be “Money”. Im not into the “RULZ” of dating. Who cares about that shit anyway. Lets get together, make whoopee, have fun, and ah yes, I can teach you things you have only dreamed of. 

So I call him on Sunday, just cuz I was winding down for the night with a glass of Merlot and a cigarette, and I felt like talking on the phone. Well I guess in the 23 year old world, or dating mores, girls should wait for boys to call them. I think as the older woman here I can be the aggressor. Sailor boy-toy response was he was happy to hear from me, he was tired from working and oh yeah, he was about to take a shower and was all nekid when I called (so he had to cut it short). Well gee, wouldn’t you think being nekid would be the perfect opportunity to talk to a sex pot like me? I mean realllllllly! Then he pulled the old “I will call you tomorrow” routine. Blech….. Phoey! The thing is the Seamen never called me the next day. Little punk, why I’ll show you. Im sure he was off being 23, doing things 23 year old do, as he should be. Im sure he will call when he gets horny for his older woman lover and wants to “connect”. Part of me wants to blow him off (not literally) for a while, and the other part of me says what the fuck, he is just a fun fling (spring fling) and why take it that seriously. Enoy the ride. We shall see where this torrid affair goes. Im just pissy because, damnit I want the power and control here.


Broke as a Joke... Working Poor Women

Gas prices today, who can afford to drive? Or commute for that matter. Sheesh! I have to drive 45 minutes one way to get to work each morning, where I sit at a desk and make $13 an hour. I have a college degree from Berkeley and have tried to find a job making more money. It seems like companies hire good paying jobs part time first, or as temporary positions. I applied for a job at the junior college here, and was called back and told; though I was a top candidate I didn’t get the job because they hired internally. They recommended that I start as a temporary, and that is how I get my "foot in the door". Well, as a single mother of a 14-year-old, how would I be able to support myself with a part time job, or with a temporary position? Im not some Stepford wife who has the luxury of accepting these kind of positions for spare change for shopping. I actually have to pay rent, bill, groceries, GAS, etc out of my earnings. Im so tired of being part of the working poor. This glass ceiling is closing me into the Bell Jar!

The cover of Business Week features a woman, looking haggard and tired in professional clothing with the headline "Americas Working Poor". I read the article; it just made me depressed. At least I have health insurance. I didn’t for years in my twenties. My teeth rotted out, and I lost a bunch in the back. This is really a disgrace here. Minimum wage is what 7.50? Who can live off that? How is that determined? Where would you live? Couch surf? Or is that a minimum wage for a high school senior living with the Brady Bunch family?!?!

Im tired of having to work 3 jobs, and still beg for my child support payments, and live off credit cards each week. I would like to earn what I think I deserve, I worked hard at college, graduated top of my class. Maybe I need to read the Bell Jar again and get more depressed. What is life for a smart, educated female? Trapping a husband to support you? Being a secretary to some asshole who will sexually harass you?


Monday, May 24, 2004

Ron Johnson

I saw Fast Times at Ridgemont High for the 100th or so time this weekend. I love the movie, especially the shots of Nicolas Cage flipping burgers, but must admit I cringe every time a certain character comes around. Ron Johnson, stereo salesman. I hate how he asks for Jennifer Jason Leighs phone number, and I especially hate when he takes her out on their first date. What a pig. He picks her up in his fancy car, with his fancy leather jacket, and asks her what she wants to do. She has no response, and he suggests "how about the point"? The Point consists of some graphitti infested baseball dugout, totally visible to onlookers. He grabs a blanket, takes her to the point, exchanges two words with her "its warm" and "are you really 19", then imediately asks if he is going to "get to first base". What a slime ball. What kind of first date is this? No dinner, no movies, no moves whatsover. Only a innocent virgin would fall for this, and Im sure Ron Johnson know this, and has done this before. I hate to see Jennifer Jason Leigh's character lose her virginity this way! This part of the movie is all to real. So many young girls fall prey to these Ron Johnson types. I guess many of these young virgin's take some responsibility, since they want to "get it over with". But I hate these slimeball older guys who steal girls virginity, with nothing more than a date to the Point. Blech. I had my own Ron Johnson when I was a 17 year old virgin. No date, no movies, just got me drunk at a friends house and took my innocence. I dont hate him, never did. But I just find these Ron Johnson types hard to swallow.

The Young Boy-Toy thang

Well... after all that waiting for young boy toy to call, he did! Friday after work, he calls wanting to do something. Of course, myself at 34, and not in to playing games, called him right back and made plans. We went out to a local bar, sang Kareoke (sp) - He sang "I think I love you" by the Partridge Family, and I sang "Crazy" by Patsy Kline. Fitting eh? We then went dancing, and had a great time.
My friend is upset with this relationship, and thinks I will get attached. My reply, with a 23 year old? I dont think so. Im just getting my groove back here. He is so fun to hang out with, and mentor (wink, wink), and I hope to see him for a while. But I know there is no future here for anything serious. But who wants serious anyway? Must run now. Post more later.


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