"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Monday, September 13, 2004

Blue and Yellow Purple Pills

I take a couple uppers
I down a couple downers
But nothing compares
To these blue and yellow purple pills
I been to mushroom mountain
Once or twice but who's countin'
But nothing compares
To these blue and yellow purple pills


I evaluated Vadergrrrl today and find that she experiences Recurrent Major Depressive Episodes. She has had more difficulty with depression again since last fall, and was severely depressed this past month due to some changes in her life. Part of her depressive syndrome is hyersomnia. As might be expected, she has had difficulty getting up and getting into work. She will be taking antidepressant medication, which should take effect in 4-6 weeks, but please keep her illness in mind when considering work attendance.

Dr. Psychiatrist

Chug-a-lug-pooo bear
Ahhhhhh sigh. True to life, I| must now ingest again happy pills. I want to live all hippie and drug free, but wonder if I can do it. I know exercise and diet help, and I wish I could get to that point where I could emulate that Wrigleys chewing gum smile lifestyle, but I’m definitely not there…. At least not today. When I get really down I can’t even get up in the morning, much less worry about anything else. Politically, I’m so against taking pharmaceuticals, and I so fear the Prozac nation we have become. But alas, Vader is going to submit to the drugs once again.

My Shrink Says So!
Having a diagnosis from a shrink definitely validates a few things for me. First I have professional backing that I’m suffering from depression and not some other designer “label”. Further, it validates my “problem” with getting up in the morning, (offering a copout), and serves as a kick in the ass, for me to realize and quit being a loser, and get my ass out of bed and deal with life. *sigh*

Good things about taking meds.
1. I will not drink alcohol anymore, or do anything else that would mix with the drugs. (too scared to do that to my body… eeek)
2. Maybe I will quit smoking. If I’m gonna put pharmaceutical stuff in my body, that may as well be the worst thing. Maybe I will go natural and be healthy in other ways?
3. These pills may help me get up in the morning
4. I’m like cool man, everybody is on them.
5. Okay I’m done with this list… rrrrr

Excercise, Diet, and Yoga..... oh i wish i could!
Dealing with depression sucks, but dealing with life, now that is the true art to master. Crazy ass artist types like myself have all sorts of weird neurosis. Eclectic bunch of freaks we are! I so admire those who can conquer their demons the natural way, through exercise, positive thinking, and diet. One day I plan to be there, but for today, and for a bit… I will indulge my pharmacist with business.

Wa-Wa Depression Grrrl
The funny thing about being depressed is that it kinda serves as an excuse. You have an excuse not to care, not to deal with things, not to be an adult. (Steve Bushemi and his world’s smallest violins play) “waaaaaaaa I’m depressed, I cant do anything.” Depression makes you selfish and totally absorbed in your life within the glass jar. Every little tension, contact, bill becomes added pressure to your spiraled siphon of dread. It’s a demon, however, I know I can fight. I guess I’ll just let the pills help me through this small part here. I shall surrender to the brain numbing zombie world.

Join the drug fun and one day Rule the World
I hope just these new meds won’t stop me from writing or being creative. Ah how pain inspires great print! Hopefully, they will just help me get off my ass and deal with life. Perhaps now, I can stop making excuses, take the world by the horns, and rule and conquer the world….

“Every so often, I find myself with the urge to make sure people know that I am not just on Prozac but on lithium too, that I am a real sicko, a depressive of a much higher order than all these happy-pill poppers with their low-level sorrow. Or else I feel compelled to remind people that I've been on Prozac since the F.D.A. first approved it, that I've been taking it longer than anyone else on earth...
-"Prozac Nation," Elizabeth Wurtzel

“I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible..."

-"Prozac Nation," Elizabeth Wurtzel


Dozer said...

Depression is just annoying and sucks, I've had it for years.

Bubbles, Ink. said...

Count me in too...although I've always been able to get out of bed. I think, maybe, that's WORSE. Being able to get out of bed. I can't find anything good about anything. It's a horrible way to live. If something good does happen, I am immediately haunted by the Law of Everything Evens Out.

I don't take any pills for it--just gin with some lemon or lime squeezed in. It helps. Don't let them tell you otherwise.

"I don't HATE people, I just seem to feel better when they're not around."

Bubbles, Ink. said...

Oh and yes...the beginning of your post threw me off. I thought you were re-writing the lyrics to that annoying "He takes a whiskey drink, he takes a lager drink" shite.

Brent said...

I've had several friends who struggled with Prozac or other medications dealing with ADD and ADHD. Most of them hated being on the meds, but knew that until they could control some little things themselves, they had to submit. I know it has to be an enormous challenge for you personally. Regardless, you are an amazing writer and what you share with us here should be in a book. So hang in there, pop your pills, and discover some more about yourself until you think you can get along without them. We are your captive audience!!

Joe said...

Found you thanks for the web wave! I don't like taking all the junk eather but Doc. Take em! Nice place here sparkley. Who you hiding from? Hahaha Mighty dark in here. Next time I will bring my flachlight! Have a good one girl. Brent is a good friend!

tescosuicide said...

Fuck it, they're good and good for you. You can be a 'goodgrrrl' when you're dead.

Sara said...

I've been there. In that depression state where the world sucked and I didn't want to get up. I would lay in bed and play with myself all day. Anyway, besides that point the suicide flashed through my mind because my world just kept sinking. And then I think I was at the bottom, and Big Dog just kept saying Keep Waking Up each day. And I did. And finally one day, everything became bright again and here I am loving life.

So keep waking up no matter how hard.

kimiko said...

Encuentro una pena que todo el amor y admiración expresados en estos comentarios no sean suficientes para devolverte la alegría.

Quizá porque los consideras sólo virtuales?

Sorry for the language. In english cannot express myself.

Yoli said...

I hate pills, hell I even hate aspirins.
Hope you feel alot better when you get your depression out of there sweetie. Life is beautiful so kick some depression's ass...or what ever ass you want to kick, hell you can kick my ass if you want to, just let me know so I can get a cushion.

Love ya much!

Paul G. said...

Everybody says they are depressed these days.
I think it's the new normal.
What needs to be done is drop the damn laws on grass so we can medicate ourselves and let the doctors and drug companies be depressed.

evilsciencechick said...

Keeping my fingers crossed that those pills work for you. (((hugs))) for my Grrrl!

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

I used to date a woman who was not just depressive, but MANIC depressive. Her meds organizer was as big as an egg carton, too, chock full of different pills. I tried to ignore her tales of alien abduction and such because quite frankly, it was the best sex ever.

Seriously though, the meds are there to help, because even though depression feels purely "mental", it actually is a physical and chemical thing. Decades from now we'll probably have different ones with less side-effects, but we'll still have some sort of 'em.

Hugs on ya grrrl!


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