In the late 70’s early 80’s Vader used to love Fantasy Island. I used to watch it every day on my black and white bunny eared tv when it was in syndication. (For some reason it reminds me sleeping in summertime and feasting on top raumen noodles). Now for those that need a reminder here is a G rated quickie. Fantasy Island is an exclusive tropical island visited by guests who pay $50,000 to fulfill their fantasy. Mr. Roarke (Ricardo Montalban) is the cool, mysterious mastermind of all fantasies and Tattoo (Herve Villechaize) is his diminutive, affable assistant. At the beginning of every episode, Tattoo rushes up the tower of the main cottage, rings the bell and shouts "The plane! The plane!" to announce that guests are about to land. Mr. Roarke then toasts the new arrivals with "My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke your host. Welcome to Fantasy Island!" This was a great show which also always featured an element of danger, or a twist of fate, with everything always working out for the best. Thinking about this phenomenal TV show triggered a realization in me… Vader needs a vacation. Specifically, Vader needs a fetish/fantasy vacation to Fantasy Island.
HERE download theme song for full effect.
Since Fantasy Island is an elusive tropical island somewhere outside of the US, all laws are suspended. Fantasy law is in full effect. This means all relationships cease to exist. No one is married, has kids, has problems, or any attachment to their “normal” life. The island represents a paradise of fantasy and imagination.
Da Plane...Da Plane
While on the plane, I am sad realizing that my life is changing. My son no longer lives with me, I need to move and find a better job, and I’m basically in a state of flux. Luckily, the small engine plane has a full bar and a Hooters waitress happily pouring drinks. Soon I forget my problems and concentrate on my upcoming adventure. I notice the other passengers on the plane. They include some famous stars! Mauren McCormick, Don Knotts, Bill Bixby and Rob Van Winkle are also quests on this trip. None of us speak on the plane, as we know we are in for the adventure of our lifetime.
Vader gets Laid
The plane lands in paradise. I hear the bell ringing in the background as Tattoo has alerted our arrival. A beautiful Hawaiian girl places lays on us (whooo hooo Vader got laid), and we congregate around a young and viral Mr. Roarke. He gives us all a glass of red wine… and with his sexy and suave accent he toasts and welcomes us to “Fantasy Island”.
I’m escorted by to my cabana. It overlooks the ocean and has blossoming flowers all around. Inside my cabana I find all sorts of party favors of my choosing. Coke, X, Alaska Thunder Fuck ganja and excellent hashish. Plus a fully stocked liquor cabinet. I pop a hit of X and poor myself some red wine. My cabana is also equipped with expensive lingerie, beautiful evening gowns, a heart shaped Jacuzzi and a black velvet chest. Inside the chest I find bondage gear, vinyl, leather, chaps, whips, cock rings, vibrators, handcuffs, and a love swing. I’m not sure what Mr. Roarke has in store for me, but he sure has done his research.
Dinner with Roarke
I shower and change into a sparkling spaghetti strapped gold mini dress. I accentuate this with fishnet stalking thigh high boots, no bra and my tattoos blazing. At dinner, Mr. Roarke and I attend a private feast over looking a beautiful waterfall. I discover the other guests fantasies, though I am told I will not be seeing them. Maureen McCormick wants to be a beauty queen. Bill Bixby’s fantasy is too play dress up as a oversized green superhero. Don Knotts wants to live life as a 70’s apartment manager that houses swingers. Rob Van Winkle, well, I guess that idiot wants to be a rock star. Mr. Roarke take me by the hand, gazes into my eyes and says “Vader its time to live for you…. This is your weekend, let us fulfil your deepest fantasies”. I melt like butter (remember he is a younger in this fantasy….in his day he was HOT).
Vader Goes Behind the Green Door
I’m then blindfolded and taken to a back room. I feel very soft hands leading me to some sort of stockade. Here I my hands are tied to posts and I am striped nekkid. The soft hands begin to softly caress my body, rubbing and stroking me in all sorts of sensual places. Right as I’m feeling really good, I feel a sharp sting. Whap! I’m being whipped and a male voice is telling me I have been a very, very bad girl. In between spankings, some very soft hands continue to provide pleasure. Fingers merge with tongues, toys and other body parts. |I’m definitely livin Behind the Green Door style. After I have been brought to the edge of heaven several times and back, the soft hands remove the mask. There stands Glen Danzig holding the whip. (I wondered why I heard the song Mother playing in the background). The soft hands belonged to Nina Hartley and Angelina Jolie. In the back directing this session is Ron Jeremey and Shirley Shave(now a successful author and Hollywood mover and shaker).
My Fantasy Dates
But the best is yet to come. From out behind velvet curtains emerge Bobba Fett and Darth Maul. I am told they are to be my dates for a Stanley Kubrick style Eyes Wide Shut party. Bobba Fett and Darth Maul take off their masks to reveal they are really Dirk Diggler and Jesse James from Monster Garage. Mmmmmmm. Vader is very happy. As we are about to leave I hear the snap of a whip. Out walks Halle Berry as Catwoman, she informs she is going with us. “Now it’s a real party” I think to myself.
Slide, Slide, Slippidy Slide
We ride in a limousine drinking wine and cuddling and rubbing on each other. (The ecstasy has taken full effect on Vader). Once we arrive upon the mansion out in the middle of no where, some creepy guy in a weird mask takes our cloaks and leads us to the door. I’m so high… I don’t care what happens next. Inside awaits some sick and twisted Blogger fantasy party…. And everyone is there.
Brent, The Deputy, The Bouncer Rob and Texas Jack nod as we enter, I guess they are acting as security. “Now I feel real safe” I laugh to myself. I notice Don Knotts standing around whispering to Texas Jack. Dang....they look identical, except Texas Jack is wearing a leopard print scarf and Don has on Tiger stripes.
We enter a room with a giant stage and groups of people standing around in costume. On stage is a performance by the SEXY TOMATOES; which includes Debra the Goddess,PUNK ASS BITCH,Tricia aka Demon Queen,Jenn ,Jamie,Tease,VarlaandCelti. I guess they are doing some sort of bondage, safe sex, S&M show. The Dave,Dastard,andJP are all handcuffed and blindfolded on stage being disciplined by the Tomatoes. Tattoo has also been handcuffed and brought on stage. Demon Queen strips him nude and spanks him. Its quite a show.
My Blogmaster Big Daddy Jamesis at the party drinking beer and surrounded by Hooters girls. They are heading to a back room for Big Daddy style special lovin!
Angi is celebrating Savannah’s successful surgery in the back corner.
Dozer, Becker, Kev, Roger, E-Lo,Crayon,K,Angela,Kat,Yoli,Pup,Aimee,Boo,Regan,Kate,Ren,Victoria,Joe Blogs,Uncle Shoe, Inanna,Tara,Phipps,Greg,SugarV,Barrie,MmmmBacon,Catt,Roger, Cali,Seth,Flat Line Girl,Gsusking,Jake the Lad,Wendy,Janelle,Collin,DChamp Dave,Seth,Sinsulita and Navy Marc are all dancing the Electric Slide with Ron Jeremey, Bill Bixby, Vanilla Ice and Marsha Brady in the adjoining room on the disco dance floor. They summons me to join the party. Flashing back to drunk nights on a Bremerton dance floor, I partake for a few moves. After dirty dancin with Marsha B, I see my dates are getting jealous. I decide to continue to explore the party and leave the boogie dancers on the disco floor. While leaving I notice another line dancer. Johnny5is dancing in the mix claiming his eyes are really squinty from the bright lighting (the room is lit by black and red lights) but you know he is really stoned out of his mind.
Cooter is having a ball in full on archeologist costume with 2 twenty something boy toys…. (Her neck is full of hickeys too).
Mick, Tragic Saturn,Magik Grl,Dark Angel,and Jadeare all reading poetry with Won. They are all really, really happy too.
Make Mine Mike,John,andVader's love bunny jack are discussing making some kind of hollywood movie. You overhear that it is something involving whip cream, bondage, sex and John Travolta. Damn those three are MONEY. (and dare I say really fucking HOT too!)
Big sexy ass Jay who Vader really LOVESis dressed full on like Hugh Hefner. Vader wonders if she can catch a glimpse of Big Jay underneath his expensive robe. Obviously this question is also on the mind of FleeceandLeeseas they are asking him for quick peeks. Damn JayJay is even sexier in person. With a clap of his hands Fonzie style, Jay takes command of the party. Everyone follows his lead...(damnit Jay, you have control even in my fantasy! Grrrrrr)
Maddy is having fun but watching from the couch and reminding me that she will hold my hair if I get sick from too much alcohol. (thanks Mom).
Sloth is wearing very expensive red shoes with jeans and passing out political flyers. Claiming she came alone, she has every guy in the place wanting to ask her to dance.
Lovisa and Gooch are mud wrestling…. Or is it jello wrestling? Its quite fun to watch.
The Man Todd Vodkais drunk out of his mind off something hidden by a paper sack. (Malt Liqour perhaps)He is dressed as Side Show Bob and muttering something about “killing Bart Simpson”. In between that he shoots glares at Jay and demands that we all call him "crotchshot". -silly, silly boy.
Johnnie Walker and The NotCuredYet SEX ADDICT are getting busy in one of the back rooms with a bunch of Eyes Wide Shut sex party wimmins. (Johnnie will later write a post about his exploits in graphic and tantilizing detail)
El Sid is dancing to the Cure and passing around a really big joint.
Trashman is getting tattooed in a very sensitive and private place. He claims this is actually a “touch up”. Naughty, naughty.
The soldiers are free from duty on Fantasy Island. Home are Sean,CB, Sgt Hook, American Soldier and JayBob. You don’t see them however, because here they get the special “Hero” treatment which means special presidential suites and unlimited hours of fantasy galore.
I see Jenny slow dancing to Brian Adams “Heaven” with her husband. He is back from Korea and in her arms. Boy are they in love.
David has hooked up a few computers and is playing Star Wars Galaxy with Vader's Sex God Jas ,Tib and Karnes. Damn boys put the computers away,your at a party here!
I love playing on Fantasy Island. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Now its time to take some bloggers back to the cabana for S&M and hottubbing. Maybe I can share Dirk Diggler, Jessie James and Halle Berry? Or maybe I will be selfish and have a private party? Hrmmmmm. Who know….. its my fantasy!
Welcome to Fantasy Island Bloggerland. Do as you all please.
*you all are invited even if I neglected to mention you in this post. You know I Love you ALL.... but Vader is very tired from putting in all these links... (a lot of work)
***Update for you!
After dancing the electric slide with the party bunch, I spot DchampDave leaving the dance floor with Julie McCoy from love boat. (I guess he is taking a future trip?) Julie is in Dominatrix mode, with a leather whip, full on leather chaps, and what? it looks like some other x-rated toys. Lucky Dave.... leaves Fantasy Island for a trip to the Love Boat with Julie McCoy.
"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
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