Get the Boys Ma, its D-Derby Time!Here is a little update on living in redneckville/sailor town. The D-Derby was this weekend, and I live within spittin distance from the Rodeo hall where this occurs. For those of you unfamiliar with a D-Derby, it’s a Demolition Derby where these rednecks spray paint old cars with slogans like “this buds for you” and then drive them around a track like bumper cars until the last car driving wins. This is a weekly event here in town, and what a show it is. The parking lot is always filled with Mac Trucks and primered Cameros. Inside the venue is a fashion show of redneck styles and designs that really highlight the local gene pool. AC/DC blasts from the overhead speakers, and the smell of dust and car fumes permeates the air. Mullets rule the scene, of all different sizes and shapes, father and son mullets, and the occasional duck tail. I have always thought it was cruel to give a 3 year old a mullet, however, this is stock issue at the D-Derby. Women dress as skanky and nasty as possible, regardless of body shape. Spandex skirts and pants, tight fat belly revealing shirts, and hair all ratted out like an old Motely Crue video. Everyone is smoking…. The beer garden is the official hang out spot for singles, and you can hear belching, farting jokes, and cat whistles as you walk by.
Gotta Love the D-Derby.
Here are some Jedi Redneck jokes I though Y’All would enjoy..
You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .·
. . . you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer.
· . . . you say "these are not the beers you are looking for."
· . . . that "disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans.
· . . . the inside of your house looks more like Dagobah than the outside.
· . . . the Force isn't the only thing that runs in your family.
· . . . you call Hank Williams Jr. "master".
· . . . your landspeeder has a gun rack.
· . . . you meditate to old CCR records.
· . . . your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.
· . . . there is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid.
· . . . you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other.
· . . . you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.
· . . . you ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit.
· . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
· . . . you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
· . . . you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing / bowling.
· . . . your father's name is Garth Vader.
· . . . you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin' at your sister.
· . . . . you have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
· . . . . your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"
· . . . you have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
· . . .you have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
· . . . you have fuzzy dice hanging in the cockpit of your X-Wing.
· . . . you've ever looked at your sister, thought she was one hot babe, and kissed her.
· . . . your favorite bar caters primarily to smugglers and bounty hunters.
· . . . you've ever given someone a wedgie by using the force.
· . . . you didn't read the whole Jedi manual because there were no pictures.
· . . . you have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.
· . . . you feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
· . . . you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
· . . . you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
· . . . you were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
. . . you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!"
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"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"
Monday, June 21, 2004
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06/20 - 06/27
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- If I'm in charge and I treat you like a child Will...
- I want you I don't want anybody else And when I th...
- Vadergrrrl skin art...(some semi nudity)
- "I'll Hump, I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T SWALLOW SEAMEN!...
- You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .you hear . . ....
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