"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

I want you I don't want anybody else And when I think about you I touch myself

Masturbation, what is the taboo? Tonight millions of people around the world are doing it, from all ages, all shapes, and lifestyle choices. Is it a sin? Is it immoral? Does it make you a pervert?
Is it dirty?

Divinyls Lyrics
I Touch Myself Lyrics

I love myself
I want you to love me
When I'm feelin' down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me

Chorus:
I don't want anybody else
When I think about you
I touch myself
I don't want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no

You're the one who makes me come running
You're the sun who makes me shine
When you're around I'm always laughing
I want to make you mine

I close my eyes
And see you before me
Think I would die
If you were to ignore me
A fool could see
Just how much I adore you
I get down on my knees
I'd do anything for you

Chorus

I love myself
I want you to love me
When I'm feelin' down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me


I want you
I don't want anybody else
And when I think about you
I touch myself
Ooh, oooh, oooooh, aaaaaah


Growing up as a young girl, I always though masturbation was something to be ashamed of. It was for dirty, and for desperate girls, with severe mental illness. I believed this so much that I was afraid to actually get to know my body. I don’t think I even realized the power of the clitoris, I had no idea that female orgasm was so intricately tied to it. My masturbatory experiences in my youth consisted of getting naked and exposing myself (to no one of course, but the thrill of getting caught was all the same). Any time I actually thought about masturbating, I would picture my dead grandmother looking down at me from heaven and this was enough to shame me into purity.

This lack of masturbating caused a lot of sexual problems later in life. I didn’t know myself, I had no idea how to relax, what I liked, and what felt good. When I had sex the first few times I felt nothing, pain and some strokin yes, but no stimulation, no orgasm. I wouldn’t have an orgasm until my early 20’s, and after I was married. When I was first married, sex was a thrill because it was sex, and it was naughty. But there was really no pleasure, no release. When the marriage got ugly, I wasn’t interested in sex anymore, I mean why give it up to someone you despise? It was then that I learned about masturbating and experienced my first orgasm. I realized that if I laid on the floor, and watched some porn movie (while husband was asleep in another room) that I could move and twist in a way that put pressure on my pelvis and wa-la would produce an orgasm. Oh the satisfaction of experiencing your first orgasm, especially if it was later in life. It was like, Oh, that is what it feels like, and you take on a new love for sex.

After I was divorced I bought my first vibrator. Not the dildo kind, but the kind you plug into the wall and it has a lot of power. I was in HEAVEN. I realized I could have an orgasm in under 3 minutes. Wow, I became somewhat obsessed, wanting orgasms a few times a day. I was still leery about sex after the divorce, until I met my boyfriend J. J taught me how to love penises, and how you can learn from porno’s how to really please each other. We had sex many times a day, and I was able to have orgasms for most of it. We then got dirty, and began mutually masturbating to porn, having sex in public places, and other “dirty” forms of sex. I started loving sex in any way shape or form, and J used to joke that he “created a monster”.

Needless to say J and I only lasted a few years, but he taught me a lifetime of lessons about sex. I still think masturbation is the key for women to get familiar with their bodies and learn now to have orgasm. Im sure it comes naturally for some women, but for neurotics such as myself, who has to shut out images of dead grandmothers in heaven, it takes practice and patience.

I totally recommend a vibrator to any women. You can use them during sex too. A fast moving hand also works well, or a dildo with vibrating bunny ears. I have also heard that shower massagers work, or the bathtub water. Whatever it takes, make it happen. Sex needs to be experienced by both parties, and no, the culmination is not the male cum shot. (though I see that this is the focus of most porns). Most importantly, NEVER forget the Clitoris!

Im going to close this ode to masturbation with some 80'


 Strokin' - Clarence Carter
'I stroke it to the East and I stroke it to the West'
 Turning Japanese - The Vapors
'I want a doctor to take a picture so I can look at you from inside as well'
 She Bop - Cyndi Lauper
'They say I better stop or I'll go blind'
 The Perfect Kiss - New Order
'Tonight I should have stayed at home - playing with my pleasure zone'
 Darling Nikki - Prince
 Blister In The Sun - Violent Femmes
 Close To Me - The Cure
 Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol
 Everyday I Die - Tubeway Army
 Masturbation Generation - Boys Next Door
 Pump It Up - Elvis Costello
 St. Swithin's Day - Billy Bragg
 Be My Girl (Sally) - Police
`





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70 comments:

Jenn said...

Miss vadergrrrl, you are so right as always. Why do so many women not want to admit to masterbating? "Oh no that is a guy thing" well wake up ladies we shouldn't be ashamed of it! I love my toys, and they work alone or with a friend!

Tricia said...

when there's no one else in sight
in a crowded, lonely night
I wait so long for my love vibration
and I'm dancing with myself

Oh, oh, I'm dancing with myself
Oh, oh, dancing with myself
when there's nothing to lose
and there's nothing to prove
I'll be dancing with myself
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Tricia said...

I'm really impressed... most people don't know that Turning Japanese means masterbating... you're like my twin sister from a different mother! LOL

Flammable said...

I thought everyone knew about Turning Japanese...

and who doesn't look poor ol' Onan?

Gooch said...

I can openly admit, or as openly as you can behind a fake screen name, that I have thought of some bad, bad things while doing, that. Things my wife would kick me in the nuts for.

But I have never, ever pictured either or my dead grandmothers :-)

David said...

I wack off a lot. I mean I whack off a lot. It's safe. You don't have to pay child support when you whack off...

One of my previous LTR's hated it when I looked at porn and whacked off. But she hated it when I came and took advantage of those random moments of libido too. I think if she whacked off more often, she wouldn't have that problem. But she came from a house where nakedness was a sin, and hasn't snapped out of it yet. Hopefully one day, she can pull that off.

jade said...

My sister said something about sex that was intriguing. Sex is like cable. Once you go digital with all sorts of channels, there's no going back to network tv.

I'd have to say, sometimes, you just have to flip to that mastrubation channel.

Shantastic said...

Hey, thanks for the comments! I don't know what is up with our society that we're all so: "Oh sex is so bad, kiddies-- hey, look, boobies on the TeeVee." Europeans think we're crazy because we're so hypocritical about it. Way to call it like you see it. And yes, Nick is a prick. Also calling it like you see it. Cheers!

~Shannon~

Roger said...

A fantastic piece of writing. I liked the little wanking music selection too. If they don't do it, people never know what they're missing. Oh yeah, and for those who still aren't sure, understand- it's only sex with someone you love!

KinkyPugKevin said...

Babe, you made my day this morning when i came to office and read your comment for me. I decided to take this time out to read yours. You are absolutely wonderful! I love the un-pretentious way you work it in your blog. You are fabs! Will come back for more masturbation. Hehe. Yes i love masturbation. *ahaks*

Dave said...

Heya vadergrrrl!

Great blog.... love the subjects!

Masterbation... it's not just for breakfast anymore! *L*

CountChocula said...

Every gal should have a Big Sal. Great post as always V! :)

Oz said...

I also did not experience my first orgasm until my early 20s. I tried masturbating as a teenager, but it never got me anywhere, mostly because I had no idea what was down there. I read romance novels, which always said things like, "His manhood entered her womanhood," and that seemed to do it for the heroine. So I tried to replicate that, having no idea about the clitoris (which was completely absent from these novels). The first orgasm I ever had was with my second girlfriend. (This helps to explain why imagining "his manhood entering my womanhood" didn't do it for me.... LOL). I didn't ever masturbate because it never did anything for me. But after my relationship broke up, I needed that release, so I gave it a try, and voila! I've never looked back :)

Sloth said...

Yay for toys that wiggle and fingers that rub and being nekkid!! I approve of this topic with much enthusiasm.

Inanna said...

My Beaufriend told me he would never break up with his right hand. I told him that was just fine, because I wasn't breaking up with mine either. Love ya Vader!!!

Avuncular 1 said...

It seems that my blog conversations are paralleling my non-blog conversations lately. My best friend and I have been talking about sex lately...I should give you the context probably. There was a lot of "why do people do this or that" or "why don't people do this or that." Masturbarion and the enjoyment of smut has "come up" once or twice too. It was refreshing and enlightening to have a discussion about the topic that wasn't just the just retelling of past exploits or a mating ritual disguised as a sex-talk or the usual sex conversation with buddies, "yeah, I'd hit that." Finally, let me give you a male perspective on the masturbation thing, and why, due the lack of information about sex it's fucked up for us too....actually, I don't want take up too much room here so you will have to go to my blog. Give me a few minutes.

jp said...

After reading this post and these comments, I feel so............DIRTY!! :o)

Vadergrrrl said...

"Im not bad... Im just drawn that way" - Jessica Rabbit

I do think masturbation, or self love, goddess worship, touchin myself, etc, is a very important topic. Especially for women. When I lived in Oakland there was this sex store called Good Vibrations (its actually based in SF). It was a women run outfit, where they sold all kinds of sex toys, vibrators, erotica, etc. It was women friendly, meaning, you could go there without some slimy pervert eyeing you from the porn mag rack, and you wouldnt have to worry about some slimmy, sticky substance sticking to your shoes on the floor. The saleswoman were all these hippie chicks, or dyke types, but none the less, people you would feel comfortable buying sex toys from. I made a lot of purchases there, I LOVED that store. I also bought their guide to sex book there where I learned about anal beads, cock rings, nipple clamps, shit you name it. It was naughty but very fun. The main point was finding your sexuality and enjoying orgasm.

Im still shocked to this day how many women dont enjoy sex and dont experience orgasm. This is so incredibly sad. Its like women just lay there and fake it. Orgasm is the best drug, the best rush, the best release. Its my heroine (sp). You must get to know your own body in order to "figure out" how to achieve one. This is best achieved through orgasm. Its funny, in San Francisco, they have masturbation parties and workshops. Ive never been to one, it sounds pretty kinky in a HBO real sex way, but heck, why not? Okay ladies take out your mirrors and sit in a circle and lets practice self love. LOL. Dont know if that is for me. I do know that guys LOVE it when you touch yourself during sex, and let them watch. Because who is better at stroking your clit than yourself?

-I also admit that I have a fetish for watching guys jack off. Its a major turn on for me. I love to watch my partner goin at it. Yummy, yummy, very sexy.

Sloth said...

There is a great store right in my neighborhood (conveniently) called Grand Openings. It is also female-oriented. They have all the toys you could want and movies and stuff too but it is all women who work there and it feels very safe and comfortable to there. They are so friendly. And they had a little float in the gay pride parade a couple weeks ago! Yay for comfy sex shops!

Jack said...

Parents who pass on this "sex is dirty" crap suck. Suck donkeys. AND they don't enjoy it...

Glad you found out otherwise, Vg.

Tricia said...

My masturbation life sucks!
I joined the Army a couple of months after I left home.
Open barracks...no place to pet your kitty.
Open showers...no place to pet your kitty.
Bivouac in N. Carolina mud... no place to pet your kitty.
Stationed in Germany, four soldiers to a room...no place to pet your kitty.
Again, open showers... no place to pet your kitty.
Then kids...no place to go where they won't beat down the door.

Now I have to get me drunk and take me to a cheap seedy hotel room just to get some!

Vadergrrrl said...

Jenn- your right as always. Wake up Ladies? Toys are just for boys. Learn to love yourself...

Tricia - gotta love Generation X, or Billy Idol. Dancin with myself... good vibration... oh ya... harder, faster, dont stop..... LOL

F- Hello F... glad you came by. You still watching those military guns?

Gooch - your lukcy your not neurotic. I picture dead grandparents, or sometimes still, right before Im about to climax, I get a leg cramp, or think of something weird... and poof... the moment is gone. Damn!

David - Why do some women hate men to look at porn or jack off? I dont understand this, its totally natural. I would never get upset about that, in fact, I encourage it. I guess it goes back to that whole, masturbation is nasty thang. Plus, some women dont understand that men can masturbate several times a day, and still have sex that night.. For some guys, its like a warm up.

Jade- your sister sounds very cool. I like that quote. Digital baby!

S.B. - I agree, our society is so Puritain/Victorian based. A boob on TV, AH PORNOGRAPHY, PERVERTS! I mean come on.

Roger - very good point, sex with someone you LOVE and who knows you the best. LOL

Kev - Thanks for comming by. Your Fabulous! I love your blog too.

Dave - not just for breakfast? Gotta love that morning wood...

CountChocula - Yes the best presant to get any grrrl would be a vibrator. Every girl should own one with pride!

Ozzily Bean - Romance novels... blech. Have you ever read any Nancy Friday? She writes about women's fantasies and publishes real letters. She's great, I own like every book, and use them regularly.

Sloth - thanks for the props. Comming from a kick ass chick like you thats a major compliment.

Inanna - good boyfriend. Have you ever watched him? That is a major turn on for me. Strokin.... yum.

Dastard - I WILL be checking out your blog for the male version of this. Whoooo - hoooo..

JP- You are a DIRTY FREAK! Luv ya though.

Sloth - yes, cheers to women friendly porn shops!

Cootera said...

Mmm... I'm all about lovin', but unfortunately, I'm at work right now. Damn! But ya nailed it, grrrl. Women definitely need to spend time masturbatin'. See what clicks, what doesn't. Makes sex all that much more enjoyable when you know what you want. Man, I miss the viking... ah well. There are other worms in the dirt. Nature hates a void (like my vagina). Are there any other pithy things I could say, or should I just excuse myself and go to the restroom?

Maddy said...

Vgrrl, quite the blog. It is only recently that female masterbation was even considered natural. It's about time too! Most people still think that if they touch themselves for purposes other than washing, they will be struck down by God. But word is getting out that that is just not so. In fact, if God didn't want women to have orgasms, why would he build us such useless apparatus as a clitoris and a G spot? Cultures worldwide have been afraid of female sexual power. That is why masterbation and sex itself outside of marriage have been verbotten, and why you have female circumcision in some countries, and veils in others. Sex is good, but like all things in life it should be utilized for the good of women not enslave them again. i.e. porn, prostitution, stripping, etc. This stuff is not for women, it's still all for men.

Laura said...

Hey there! I completely agree with EVERYTHING you said. I think masturbation is very important to a woman or man and I agree that a little vibrating help is definitely worth it (although very addictive) :)

ps- I think its HILARIOUS how you use to imagine your dead grandmother in heaven watching in disgust.....I use to do the same thing! Wow, I feel a little less weird now! Great post :)

Avuncular 1 said...

VaderGrrrl, it's ready. But I forgot to add the dead relatives things to my blog. I had some of that going on too. Arrgghhh!!

Vadergrrrl said...

Jack S - I love the name Jack with the masturbation topic. I cant resist saying JACKOFF! sorry - Parents should NEVER tell a child sex or masturbating is dirty. So wrong....

Tricia - you poor thing. Airforce life sounds horrible. Kids do kinda ruin our sex lives. But take advantage of when they are asleep.

Ang- too funny "other worms in the dirt" I like that. Im at work too, it sucks... no eye candy here. Damn! Oh well, my vibrators waiting for me at home. Good ol Faithful.

Maddy - some very excellent points there. Female circumcision, terrible... We should never be robbed of the power of our Clitoris! There is some porn for women, especially erotica, but most traditional porn tends to be marketed toward the male gaze. (ie the cum shot crushendo). I think women can enjoy some forms of prostitution... like a dominatrix or fantasy of some kind, but mostly, yes you are right. Strip clubs also cater to men, but Ive heard many women tell me the have really enjoyed a lap dance, and that women who go to strip clubs get "special" attention from the girls.

Vadergrrrl said...

Laura - I wish those Dead grandparent images would get out of our minds. Oh how many times have my "mood" been ruined. Glad to know someone else is a nuerotic too.

Dastard - Im going to your site now.

Pup said...

Oh.. I'm coming into this too late (pun intended) :)

I am very much in favor of people masturbating and getting to know their bodies. Nothing is worst than not getting any feedback or some guidance during sex because she has no idea what she likes.

Stupid people and their condemming masturbation.

What a fun word.. masturbate! masturbate! masturbate!

I so shouldn't be at work right now.

PunkAssBitch said...

mmmmmmmmmm.....masterbation...one of my favorite things to do & have been doing it since before I can remember anything! by either my own hand, rocking my self "just right" on the floor, stuffed animals, pillows...and as I got older, I discovered that the shower massage is the greatest invention EVER, and have a nice collection of BOB's (battery operated boyfriends).

When I was about 8 or 9, I guess I passed out from climaxal bliss, and my mother (raised Catholic) found me asleep with stuffed animal "Dumbo" between my legs...and woke me up to have that shaming CHAT (um, screaming session) with me. I was embarrassed, but just resolved to be a lot more careful about my *activities*. Thankfully there were no dead grandmother's back then to haunt me LOL.

Because....nobody loves me, like...ME!

zephyr said...

Husband still makes fun of me because we don't have a shower massager and he knows I miss it. Now I have a real "massager" and I'm a happy girl :)

Jay said...

okay, this is really embarrassing to admit, but, please don't judge me, i was young, oh god, how do i say this?, okay, well, that strokin' song you quoted...I USED TO LINE DANCE TO IT! oh shit, i've said it! i'm finally out of the closet, dear lord, save me!!!

oh yeah, and i jack off about once a week if not more.

Michael said...

Vadergrrrl, you are too cool for posting this, including picx, etc.

I once had a girlfriend who didn't understand why I still needed to masturbate. I told her, "Practice, baby." Truth was, when I had sex with her, I was having sex with her. When I jerked off, in my mind I was having sex with every other girl...

Jay said...

OHHHHHH! Damn!!!!!! Michael, dude, hope your chics don't read this blog.

Sloth said...

Jay - in Michael's defense, I think hardly anyone thinks about their actual partner when they're masturbating. I mean, really. That doesn't mean the sex isn't great, but if you're wandering through the rolodex of sexual fantasies you'll probably come up with something else when you're alone. I know you're jazzed about Jazz at the moment but give it a few weeks and you'll...well, see my comment on your last post. No need to say it all again.

Vadergrrrl said...

Pup - Im very happy that you came late. Just hope you didnt make a mess. Your linked baby!

PunkAssBitch - you are too friggin cool. I wish I was sexually aware at 8 or 7. My stuffed animals and I could have had some fun. Im glad your mom's shaming didnt cause any long term problems. Luv ya grrrl!

Melanie - Im sorry to hear about the shower massager, but a REAL massager sounds much better.... I love men who are willing to share us with the vibrator, I mean we last longer, are willing to do more, and it makes it all so much worthwhile.

Jay - A line dancer! Kev you have any comments about this revelation? He also used the line "out of the closet" hmmmmmm? I dont believe for one minute that you pleasure big jay ONLY once a week. I would say Once a day maybee, but come on, porn night isnt the only time big jay gets self love.

Michael - YOU are too cool! Im glad you liked the post and the pics. Your girlfriend should have loved the fact that you masturbated, in fact, you should have made her watch. Yummy, yum! When Im in a relationship I often get a little porno in my head of sex memories with my partner. I dont really think of anyone else, the memories keep me very horney.

Jay - I hope Michael's chicks DO read this blog... maybe they can loosen the hell up (no pun intended) and learn something. LOL

Sloth - you are right as always. I dont know why but I must admit I sometimes fantasize about getting it on with some fine ass chick, like Angelina Jolie.

Avuncular 1 said...

Hmmmm...Interesting. I think I heard of a study once that when women fantisized they really fantisized. They create people and situations for there fantasies where as men fantasize about people they've been with or want to be with. Now, I know women do this too and I have created people and situations, but I wonder what the ratio is. Please enlighten. Also, as a man, I find that when fantisizing several fantasies go through my head. I don't stick with just one.
AND...can I say something about HBO's Real Sex (mentioned above). Is it just me, or is the concept of the show sexier than the show itself? Informative, educational, yes. Car-wreck factor, frequently. Sexy, sometimes, maybe. but, how many times are they going to show German's in crotchless lederhosen. I actually like seeing normal looking people doing it but...for some reason that show isn't a turn on for me.

Oh, and VG, thanks for stopping by my site. Appreciate it.

Sloth: stop blogging.

Vadergrrrl said...

Dastard - I loved your post by the way, and I reccomend everyone read it. Very good stuff... yum yum
-If you want to get an inside look at Women's fantasies read the book by Nancy Friday "My Secret Garden". Nancy is a sexpert/writer who publishes letters regarding fantasies written by actual women. Its very good. Women seem to fantsise about all sorts of things, from doctors exams, the lesbianism, to group sex, to dogs, you name it. There is a lot of lesbian fantasies, I think that is very common.
-HBO's Real Sex does nothing for me. They take the ugliest, harriest, freakiest looking people and show them doing stuff for the train wreck factor. Your so right. I also totally DONT reccomend EVER trying the SPICE channel. No money shots, no cum shots, no penetration, nothing but a big tease and wast of money.

NotCuredYet said...

A subject I am intimately famliar with! For reasons I am still uncovering in therapy, I have learned to connect anything sexual with shame. I've also learned to use fantasy/porn and masturbation as a mechanism to escape the painful feelings of life. And I'm addicted.

For the record:
- frequency ranged from 2 to 6 times daily
- worst binge: 5 times in 2 hours (really!)
- I fantasized about "favorite" women and scenes I'd viewed previously
- have tried other stimulation along with masturbation (anal penetration, self-bondage)
- I've masturbated to phone sex with partners
- participated in mutual (watching each other) and complimentary (doing each other) masturbation with partners
- I've masturbated while driving (alone, at night, deserted road)
- I've masturbated at work
Of course, this was all before I got into recovery. Haven't done any of it for almost 20 months.

If you think you might have a problem, check out "20 Questions" on my blog.

Sloth said...

Ummmmm.....that stuff's not normal? Hmm.

I'm sorry Dastard, I have a problem. I'm addicted to blogging and since I've done everything on NotCuredYet's list at one time or another I'm apparently addicted to masturbating now too. Even though it's been a week or so.

Vadergrrrl said...

Im with Sloth on this one.

Hi my name is vadergrrrl and Im addicted to blogging and masturbating.

Sloth said...

*Jay, The Dave, Michael, Dastard, Varla in unison* "Hiiii vadergrrrrrrrrrrrl."

Avuncular 1 said...

Hiiiii Vadergrrrrrlllll! Welcome to Menage-a-moi anonymous. The list on NCY's 20 questions don't fit me, thank god but I have done all of the following(a little cut and paste):

- frequency ranged from 2 to 6 times daily
- worst binge: 5 times in 2 hours (really!)
- I fantasized about "favorite" women and scenes I'd viewed previously
- have tried other stimulation along with masturbation (anal penetration, self-bondage)
- I've masturbated to phone sex with partners
- participated in mutual (watching each other) and complimentary (doing each other) masturbation with partners
- I've masturbated while driving (alone, at night, deserted road)
- I've masturbated at work

Most were only one time shots, er...deals for the thrill of it and didn't end up being gateway (manhandling the man-handle) situations into addiction.

NCY: I feel I should type the following lest you think I am belittling your addiction, or your pain. I know it is a real affliction and I wish you the best with it, but not all of us are on that level, nor will we be. I am glad you are receiving the help you need. And for you, abstinence may well be the way to go. The thing is, I don't agree that "shame" should automatically accompany sex-acts. Before it's been determined if you are an addict or not. If I am wrong about this then I am wrong but see Vadergrrrls post above (or go to just about everybody's blog who commented today). If you are told a natural act is dirty, it really fucks you up. Still, keep doing what your doing.

kadybug said...

all women should know their own bodies! great post.

Jay said...

vader - "I dont know why but I must admit I sometimes fantasize about getting it on with some fine ass chick, like Angelina Jolie."

damn, i want you.

The Oracle said...

Splendid piece. But my Editor's Eye snagged on "wa-la." The word you want is voila, French for "there it is!"
Your blog continues to impress and entertain me.

TheSugarV said...

Those 80's tunes bring back fond memories of my childhood and some very colorful times "combing my hair in the bathroom." ;-)

P.S. I did not know if you covered up your leaf tatto with the death star for artistic reasons or because you did not like it anymore.

Cootera said...

Voila, wa-la... tiddy, titty, tit, tat... who gives a rat's ass? 'Tis ok to make up words. How 'bout 'assurately'? My boss came up with that one yesterday.

I'm just happy to be home and to be nekkid. And bloggin'. And watchin' The Simpsons. And smokin'. And havin' a COCKtail. And....

We used to play the minivan game when we'd get good 'n toasted. Who would you have ridin' in your minivan of love? For me, Ralph Feinnes'd be ridin' shotgun, and John Cusack, Gary Oldman, Johnny Depp and Yul Bryner'd all be in the back seat. This can change from time to time.

And GAY minivan: Jodie Foster, Janine (sp?) Garafolo, Angelina Jolie and Drew Barrymore. I think.

Oooh... Vadergrrrl, yer blog is so damn sexxxy!!

As an aside, I used to be engaged to the biggest wankoff in the US. He bought this GINORMOUS dildo (for HIMself) and wanted me to shove it up his bum. I dunno, I didn't think it'd fit. But he's a big ass, so... After we broke up (badly), his mom and brother came to move his furniture, etc. out of my apartment. Top drawer they pull out of his dresser has this giant rubber dick sitting on top of his underwear.

His mom, godloveher, carried it over (by its giant rubber balls between index finger and thumb) to me and said, "Nice of you to leave this where we would find it." I could hold back the mirth when I told her, "Sorry, ***, but that belongs to your son." Shoulda seen the look on her face... but she took it with, anyway...

Sloth said...

HHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Ang - that is the BEST STORY I'VE EVER HEARD.

In my gay minivan of love, Michelle Rodriguez would be riding shotgun. Have to think about the back seat.

Sloth said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I'm done.

Vadergrrrl said...

Dastard: Here are some from me too (thank god for cut and paste
- frequency ranged from 2 to 6 times daily (done it)
- worst binge: 5 times in 2 hours (done it)
- I fantasized about "favorite" women and scenes I'd viewed previously, (yes to both women and men)
- have tried other stimulation along with masturbation (anal penetration, self-bondage)(yes love that anal thang)
- I've masturbated to phone sex with partners (yes and online)
- participated in mutual (watching each other) and complimentary (doing each other) masturbation with partners (YES AND I LOVE IT)
- I've masturbated while driving (alone, at night, deserted road) (I did this in traffic in rush hour on a highway in California LOL)
Maybe Im a full fledged sicko! Far out! NCY, I do feel your pain too, I just dont think your as messed up as you have been MADE to feel.

Katy - I couldnt agree with you more. Grrrl power!

Jay - right back at ya, hot stuff!

The Oracle - Thanks for the compliment. I really appreciate that comming from you, with your writing background. I also am happy to learn voila! Damn dyslexia and my over creativity makes me a horrible speller. LOL

SugarV - you werent comming your hair, or maybe you were and just not the hair on your head. LOL. To answer your question, I LOVE my potleaf tattoo, It meant a lot and still does. I still believe in compassion for the sick and dying, and safe access to the healing herb cannabis. However, after I moved away from Calif, and back to redneckville I couldnt go swimming, to the beach, to my son's ballgames in a summer dress etc, without making too much of a political statement and attracting the WRONG kind of attention. The green ribbon is political too, its just not so obvious and a bright red cross with a huge marijuana leaf.

Ang - I am so jealous, wish I was home nekid, smoking, drinking wine... Thank God its almost time to go home here from work. Your post was very sexy grrrl, you got me all fired up here at work. xoxoxoxoxo luv ya

Vadergrrrl said...

Sloth - we are going to miss you...

Ang - gay minivan of love is the best line I have heard.

Your both superfly chicks in my book.

CountChocula said...

Angelina Jolie is the hottest woman on the planet.

Inanna said...

Jay, you can't tell me Jazz hasn't gotten Big Jay in an uproar, especially after today's post. My girl gets more action than Big Jay? I'm amazed!!! That list thingy, done it all. I also think Angelina Jolie is the hottest chick on the planet. I'm gonna miss Sloth. A pleasure, or double, as always Vader!!

Cootera said...

Heh heh... I'm a good cook. Really. But here I was posting 'bout ears on my blog, and TOTALLY burned the bread! Can't breathe... can't see. Feel like I've had my contacs in for seventeen years OR someone smeared vaseline all over 'em. Talk about dense... and not just the smoke. Where's the fire department when you think you *might* need them? My poor poog is coughin'.

Jack said...

55 comments? You're a superstar, chick. I mean, Grrrl.

Count--Angelina Jolie? Please. So over rated. I saw a chick at the minimart today hotter than her.

fleece said...

I feel damn lucky. I discovered self-love at a young age and while I was found out a couple of times I never felt I was doing anything wrong. I know exactly how I want to be touched, which is a very, very good thing.

I discovered a great thing the other day while in the shower -- that Oral B Hummingbird flossing tool makes a great vibrator! It's teeny, quiet and doubles as an actual flosser. Also cheap. :)

Aimee said...

Count--Have you seen Sloth's picture? I agree that Angelina Jolie is hot, but Sloth is the hottest right now.

But I digress... I have a 3 year old daughter. When she started daycare, the woman who ran the place requested we say "bum" instead of "butt" (other little kids having problems with "potty words"), so we do and have done for a long time now. Thing is, she's not really sure if bum refers to just her butt or the whole area.

We're in the midst of potty-training and frequently when I change her diaper she asks, in the most innocent voice of sweetness, "Mommy, can I touch my front-bum before you put my diaper back on?" I tell her, "Of course you can, Honey. It's yours. Just don't let strangers touch your front-bum, ok?" and when I ask her if it feels good, she just grins from ear to ear.

I do so hope I'm raising a child who will be comfortable with her body & her sexuality. I'm sure trying anyway.

VG, as always, fabulous post. Thanks for talking about all the "bad" stuff. ;)

Jamie said...

I too am a late bloomer, but I feel honestly I have made up for lost time. Luckily as a nurse, there is no taboo in conversation, so we all had a sex toy party! We drank, and passed dildo's around, and tasted goopy stuff. Then went out afterwards. We had to wait for weeks for our stuff to cum, and asked that grrl a thousand times WHEN! Pretty liberated for a small town hospital.

btw, best time to masturbate, is after my lover leaves. Even though he gets me off, I just love my own afterwards, too.

Love the blog, love that you read mine, addicted to blogging, but self love is better, and what could be better than blogging about mastering my bater! And I had a guy masturbate on me the other night. I almost came watching him. GO grrrl!

KinkyPugKevin said...

kaboom!

Cootera said...

Gee Fleece... not sure I'd wanna floss my TEETH after using it as a vibrator...

CountChocula said...

Jack, I know some women and men who don't think Angelina is anything to write home to Mom about, but i'm a straight woman, and if there is a another woman out there who could stop me dead in my tracks and make me want to give up the shirts and play for the skins, i'd like to see her, because so far, she's the only one that's done it. Meh, I suppose everyone has their preferences, and there is something about her that is so lush, that gender doesn't matter. I can't remember who asked this but yes i've seen Sloth's pic, she's a swee'pea too and funny as hell, but VGrrrl has my heart.;)

CountChocula said...
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fleece said...

Ang, I've pretty much given up on using it as a flossing tool. ;)

Avuncular 1 said...
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Avuncular 1 said...

Ang, I know I am commenting on this kind of late but that story about your ex's dildo was the best. When you told his mom it was his I could almost hear that kid from the simpsons going "ha-HAAAA." You know that story will probably become an urban legend don't you? "I know this guy, who had this friend, who knew this girl who, etc., etc., etc.
That reminds me, has anyone read the short story "Guts" by Chuck Palahniuk? Not for the feint-of-heart.

Avuncular 1 said...
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Debra said...

I'm not reading all of this, but Hooray for Masturbation!

Debra said...

"(I did this in traffic in rush hour on a highway in California LOL)"

Um.. this made me comment again... I almost rear-ended someone.. there wasn't supposed to bhe another car on the road damnit!

Celti said...

Ya know...they say "you are your own best lover"

don't for get about Green Day's "Longview"!

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