"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians!

Commuting my ass to work every day, I have to laugh at some of the bumper stickers. Rednecks have the best… Rush is Right… Straight and Narrow… all sorts of shit. Now I don’t have any bumper stickers on my car. Why? I think they are a magnet for cops, “hey look at me, pull me over”. But if I did, here is a list of what they might say… Enjoy


If You Drink, Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.

If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets

Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

Life is sexually transmitted.

Men have feelings too, but who really cares?

I'm looking for true love. But I'll settle for cheap sex.

I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it

If the van's a' rockin, don't come a' knockin

I love my country. It's the government I'm afraid of.

For a small town this one sure has a lot of assholes

My child was inmate of the month at the county jail

If your gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair

Mean people suck, Nice people swallow

Submariners do it deeper

Big Truck, Little Dick

Beam me up Scotty!

My other car is a broomstick

If my smoking bothers you, Don’t breathe!

Beer, helping ugly people have sex since 1862

Embarrasing my children, a full time occupation

I wouldn't laugh mister it could be your daughter in this car.

Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians!

I didn't invent Sin, I'm just trying to perfect it.

GOD LOVES YOU!
(but everybody else thinks you're an asshole)

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
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33 comments:

jp said...

Woo hoo - first comment!!

My bumper sticker would read - How can you trust someone that bleeds for 5 days straight every month and doesn't die?

Dark Angel said...

What did you major in from Berkley? JW, My sticker would be... Don't Drink And Drive, You Might Spill Your Beer. Not that I drink at all...but I dunno, I can't think of something Witty at the moment.

Coach Yoda said...

I actually do have a bumper sticker on my car. It reads:

Live dangerously, hug a fencer.

Jay said...

My favorite has been: If you can read this, you're too fucking close.

jp said...

There's also the one that's seen upside down on trucks or SUVs that reads - If you can read this, roll me back over.

Michael said...

"Honk if you're Elvis"

The Dave said...

My favorite? Jay is big fat jerk.

Although the aforementioned, Relax, god is in control, is also good, or Support your local search & rescue, get lost! shit happens, bob's my uncle, Guns don't kill people, postal workers do... or how about Google this bitch!

just doing my part

Jay said...

Google this, bitch. DAMN! i love that one.

You guys have to excuse The Dave. He wants to be me.

Vadergrrrl said...

JP - Nice bumber sticker. I guess I would put that with the one I saw that read
"Men cant live with them... dont have too" with a pink triangle next to it LOL

Dark Angel - I graduated Phi Beta Kappa, Summa Cum Laude from Berkeley in 1996 with two B.A's History, Women Studies. I did my thesis on rape and lynching as pornography in popular culture from 1915-1925. I like your bumper sticker... here's another "Got Weed"

Coach Yoda - you are the Master! You deserve a hug too!

Hey Hey Jay - Hows it hangin today? Bronze Napolean you! At first I thought your sticker read "If you can read this your FUCKING too close" I think that is even funnier.

JP- (on the back of a bikers shirt) If you can read this, the BITCH fell off! - thought you would like that.

Michael - I honk for Hooters! Elvis is alive, btw, Costello that is.

The Dave - I LOVE all of yours, especially the Guns dont kill people - postal workers do.

Jay - I hear you need to watch the Man show. What's this about?

Varla said...

Didja write that subject line for me? They can dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians anytime.
My favorite is "Rush is a band" - just because it's so damned weird, and "Prune Bush"...double entendre there...=)

NotCuredYet said...

Not in the rude/crude category but ... seen on a fighter jet plane: My other saab is a car.

And I like the play on the VW ad: stick figure with beer in hand - Farfrompukin'. And Fuckingroovin'.

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

My kid beat the shit out of your honor student.

you know who said...

"If your gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair"

HA!

I saw a few the other day (on the same car no less..)

Jesus is coming...look busy.

Boldly going Nowhere.

Vadergrrrl said...

Varla - glad you liked the subject line. LOL Rush is a band --- Love it

Not Cured Yet - VW ad: stick figure with beer in hand - Farfrompukin'. And Fuckingroovin'. Classic.

Janelle - Jesus is coming...look busy. -- LOL.. Jesus is comming -- get off the porn!

My coworker told me some funny redneck bumperstickers at lunch (they are also jokes)

-How do you know when your sisters on the rag? Your daddy's dick tastes funny

-Redneck pick up line "Get in the car bitch"

-Hilbilly pick up line "Move over sis"

-White trash pick up line "get off me dad, your crushin my cigarettes"

jp said...

More bumper stickers -

Fur is more actively protested than leather 'cause its easier to harrass rich women than biker gangs.

Rehab is for quitters

Watch Out For The Idiot Behind Me.

Dear Lord, please save me from your followers.

The Dave said...

My friends had to help me with this one, 'my boss is a jewish carpenter' i just figured that meant he got saturday's off.

I was going to put something about asses here, but if everyone could goto Jay's page and mention their ass, that would be great, the powers that be are letting me go for the day.

love you long time.

David said...

My bumper sticker would say:

Old enough to know better, but young enough to do it all night!!

Varla said...

Jp - "Dear Lord save me from your followers" must be my all time favorite...

Vader - I linked you on my blog...

David said...

S T U P I D I T Y
should be painful

The ex didn't like it...
I wonder why.

Vadergrrrl said...

"Dear Lord, Save me from your followers" ooooh so true!
This is definately the best of the day.

Darla darlin, what is your website address? Cant get to it from your post. I'll link you too.

David - I luv you boy! Your the best!

xxxxxoooooooo

jp said...

Wow!! What do I win? :o)

Thanks for the kiddie compliment. I asked you a question over there.

http://xjone.blogspot.com/2004/06/g-dogg-jp.html

steve said...

Hahahaha..yea bumper stickers are fun to read..not to have (i dont have any for your exact reason).anyways,
the last good one i saw was "My Golden Retriever is smarter than your Honor Student!!".

As to reply to the comment you left on my site..
thank you for your kind words, I think i found -
a keeper, thus my continous need to do what and
as much as (humanly/financially) possible for her
and family.

keep it real!!
-Steve

Tricia said...

I can't email you...dammit!
Go to my site and email me for all of the juicy gossip.
Or I WILL dip you in honey and throw you to the lesbians!!!LOL

Pup said...

-Hilbilly pick up line "Move over sis"

-White trash pick up line "get off me dad, your crushin my cigarettes

Holy Crap that's funny.

I wouldn't laugh mister it could be your daughter in this car. - Classic

I only have one sticker on my car and I got it from a police fund raiser. Worth every dollar. I've gotten so many warnings :)

Love ya blog!

Jack said...

Okay, you made me spray milk on my keyboard. Now the keys are all sticky and the dog is trying to jump on the desk. I want $950 for a new laptop. Split it up however yall think is fair. Whoever put the "Jesus, save me from your followers" Owes a little more than everyone else.

Justin said...

I'm gonna snap up one of those police fund raiser stickers if I get the chance. I put the Apple stickers that came with my Mac on my bumper, that's what I've got at the moment.

"The light at the end of the tunnel is a train."

Crayon said...

hahah - the light at the end of the tunnell is a train - hahahah so so funny. i love these

also - i loved live dangerously, hug a fencer. who wrote that?? couch someone

I dunno - it cracks me up!

Tricia said...

I like the license plate that says PMS 24/7.

Troy actually had this one on his car:

bumper to bumper
butt to butt
get off my ass
you crazy nut


I made him take it off...he was pissed.

todd said...

"Dammit..it's NOBLY, not knobly." - Holden Caulfield

I'm not much for bumper stickers, but something on the order of "In the end, you're an ass."

pin said...

I loved "beer - helping ugly people have sex since 1852" I actually have a bumper sticker that says, "My concern for you can be measured in micro-give a shits!"
Don't want to put it on a car because it is to priceless, so it hangs in garage.

jp said...

Here's some more I've thought of and/or seen:

Dyslexics of the world, untie.

I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can diet.

Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?

Jesus paid for our sins; now let's get his money's worth.

My karma ran over your dogma.

My president slept with your honor student.

Touch my Saturn and I'll kick Uranus.

-that is all for now-

Tricia said...

I like my karma ran over your dogma...that is toooo frickin funny LOL, LOL, LOL

Debra said...

I have a few I had bought for other people... but neever got around to giving them to their new owners.

Eatin' Ain't Cheatin'
Only Cool Chicks Can Do Me

I have another, but I can't think of it, nor do I know where it's at...lol. Needless to say, it'd still be amusing to put the "Only Cool Chicks..." one on my car and see how many comments or rants I got- since I'm pretty darned straight!

Lady Charisse said...

Wow...uh...just...uh....

My bumper sticker would be like those "caution: baby onboard" stickers and would read: "Caution: sex-crazed bitch onboard" accompanied by a picture of a whip and chains....

And I recently saw this one: "get your nose out of my ass, you're not getting a promotion!"hehe...bumper sticker watching is fun. makes a long road trip enjoyable...

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