"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye -WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Dating a Sailor v. Redneck

I just found the funniest advice on "Dating a Sailor" I had to post it here after my rant. I will also post some tips for "Dating a Redneck". What is the difference between dating a sailor v. dating a redneck? Well, to be honest a sailor may be a redneck, and just be in the navy. But living in a town madeup of either rednecks or sailors I would have to say there are some stark differences.
1. The hair cut. Sailors have short hair. Rednecks have mullets, outdated scott bayo hairsyles, or long biker hair
2. Both trained with guns. Rednecks hunt animals and have gun racks in there pick up trucks. Sailors hunt young girls and have a blanket in the back of their cars with a box of condoms.
3.Both like Beer. Both like to fight. Both may be strangely addicted to porn.
4.Rednecks can travel solo, and are typically seen hanging out at their favorite bar stool. Sailors travel in packs, especially to bars.
5.Sailors leave to go out to sea. Rednecks never leave, nor do they ever get rid of anything. (Notice the cinderblock, various engines, and major appliances left outside their trailor.)

Anyway, here is what the tips for dating a sailor and below will be tips for redneck dating
How to Pick up a Sailor
1. It doesn't take much - wear something skimpy. Remember these men haven't seen a woman for possibly months on end.


2. As a U.S. Navy sailor, I can tell you that having a relationship with a sailor is no different than with anyone else in the world.


3. Ask them if they're married! Keep in mind that many of these sailors have wives and children at home who are very easily left out of conversation. I'm a Navy wife and have heard many horror stories.


4. Realize what is involved in a Navy relationship. Take into consideration the time you will spend alone during deployments (6 months or more sometimes) and the frequent relocating.


5. Just be a woman Some sailors that I've known will enjoy the company of any semi-attractive woman who talks to them.


6. Ask them where they've been... Ask him which countries he has been to since he joined up. It's always good to compare notes on destinations that you've both been to.


7. Be careful Most sailors are players and are looking for one night stands. Don't expect to have a relationship with them. Also, if you're lucky enough to get into a relationship with them, join a wive's club and find out exactly what it means to date a military man.


The Auburn Guide To Dating Etiquette

1. Do not enter your aubie date in a female mud-wrestling contest without asking her permission.
2. Do not refer to your hunting dog as "the other woman in your life."

3. Do not mention your UFO abduction experiences until at least the third date.

4. Do not expect a woman wearing a dress to be happy about climbing into a truck with tires that are taller than she is. Be sure to warn her to wear jeans.

5. Your favorite faded Dukes of Hazard t-shirt should be saved for the fifth or more date, unless, of course, it's the only clean shirt you have.

6. If the aubie woman drives, never, ever try to get away with spitting tobacco down the side of your seat on the hope that she won't notice. She's not like your slobbering fishing buddies, so you must always roll down your window when you need to spit.

7. Never compare her figure to that of a Coors can, even if you're trying to tell her that she's real sleek.

8. Deep Woods Off! is not a substitute for deodorant.

9. Never tell a aubie woman straight out that you can't have her name tatooed on you because your Mom, who is so proud of your bicep bearing her name, would be psychotically jealous.

10. Do not invite a woman to go cow-tipping if she's wearing high heels.


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