Lost in Lost....Lost in Translation..Lost in Space... Heck Ive just been LOST

Wow.

Its been a long, long time in a galaxy far, too far away. Dont know if Id remember how to do this. Which brings me to the whole reason I started bloggin’ back all those years ago. To exercise writing daily to build skill and practice. Didnt think anyone would find it or read it but me and it would be an online archive.

A Comment
Then someone left a comment JP and I thought gee wilikers somebody actually read this????? And then it happened..... I started reading his blog
JP's Blog daily and leaving comments. JP subsequently lost his job for blogging. This suxs because I loved his short but powerful rants. Of course I had to write these long as hell rants.... Though I preferred reading short ones with power and greatness in few sentences. But this domino effect occurred and a community of bloggers grew. We debated subjects like the Bush/gosh I cant think of his name now, the democratic candidate that burned his metals but was a hero in Vietnam... oh well thank the maker for Obama and Huckabee... fresh faces. But again Im rambling here.

Invasion
Yeah so it became this thang, this strange and bizarre co-dependent community of bloggers and sometimes the comments became chat rooms... Im embarrased sometimes to google my handle vadergrrrl and read some of my comments. But then people started reading my blog from the OUTSIDE world. This garden of eden invaded by snakes outing my pen name and lavishing on my work here as fodder for embellished table gossip. Im so bad for writing these things, the shame the horror. Ive been in trouble at jobs for blogs discovered. If you check out this silly post created fantasy spoof linking bloggers I'd befriended in our community online. Its funny to go through this now.
Link to Fantasy Island Blog Post So many blogs ended, lives changed, voices silenced.

Maybe I will start blogging again. I always said Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees..!!! Well I actually stole that from Magneto who stole it from someone else I suppose.

Snort it, Lick it, Suck it, Fuck it. Or whatever Britney Spears is credited. I must say I LOVE HER now. Reminds me too much of Frances Farmer. Here is a comment I left on her site
Britney Blackout Blog

Gabba Gabba Hey......

The Sink -For R.L.

What is hell
If not where I dwell

The art of death
Oh Master

You will pay to see
My scars self inflicted

Down deep faces blur
Do I feel?

Nothing but that
Damn nagging urge

Quick escape
Pain so good

Sylvia’s Oven
Hemingway’s Fairwell to Arms

Mary’s Percy drowned
Hunter now hunted

xanax, prozac, lithium
zyprexa, zoloft, celexa

Ocean color pills
The Cure

Like Robert Smith
Boys don’t cry

Triggers
Potato chips I sneak at night

Blame my abuse
Or the abuse

Im dying again, not quick enough
sticky peanut butter memories

Like my boys coming home
With memories of body parts

Killers under orders
Highs from steroids

Wanting to return to Army war games
And battlefields

Where the rage in this age
Awards the Medal of Honor

How do we separate human
From animal

Killer from hero
We all wish to erase haunting hours

Control alludes me as I will never be
normal, loved, accepted

Inevitably I fail again
Even my dreams

Escape me
This world human

But am I?
Cravings of sex

All I’m good for
Rage so black

The sink
I’m sinking

No light ahead
Dark as dead

I desire/detonation
I destruct

Impact forever lasting
Dear God so aware,

My demons beware.
Out of hell we arise

Breathing death like air.


This is a poem off my poetry site. Yeah I twist and spin on Sylvia's 1962 poem. But I feel this. I'm going to take the comments off this site. My writing is so few and far between to be part of the community. I am writing, oh yes, but there are stalker freaks/family members, wanna be family etc that want to persecute me for writing and try to kill/silence me.

well i say this

silence = death

I look at you in the face head strong and keep going on. Revenge is a dish best served cold. as kahn said. lol

thanks for reading guys.